[dyhuber]

My son is splitting up with unmarried mother of his children, ages 3 and 1.5, they have a home together, only moraged for one year, they are still in the home trying to share caring for the children, he is there nights and four day a week she 3 days and no nights-he pays for moorage, she moorage. We put all the money in to the house- i.e. down and 401K money- she put nothing into it. What can we do- where do we start and how do we protect moorage?--Can we ask her to leave -it seems she is trying to get the house. My son is thinking of getting an apt. but his name is on the morage and I am concerned that, that would be a disadvantage to him in resolving this with the least amount of damage.

[J_9]

Both names are on the mortgage?

[Fr_Chuck]

There is no divorce for people who are not married, he does need to get a child custody and visitation agreement in place and have the court decide child support from who and to who.

As for the house, whose names are on the deed ? And whose name is on the mortgage.

If both names, he will have to file a suit in court to try and force the sell of the home,

[dyhuber]

Both names are on the mortgage?

I don't know if both names are on the mortgage, but I think they are on the deed.

[JudyKayTee]

I dont know if both names are on the mortage, but I think they are on the deed.

Then they own the home jointly - "usually" the names on the mortgage are the same names as those on the Deed, although there are disagreeements on this issue all the time on this Board.

[George_1950]

They can sell the home and let the closing attorney hold all proceeds from the sale (equity) until they agree how it should be divided. You should discuss with your son that his kids are going to have a second daddy, or even a third and a fourth; I would ask your son and his girl friend to attend relationship/marriage counseling as soon as possible.

[cdad]

He needs to settle the issue over the children first if possible before the home. Is it possible for him to make the payments on his own ? Did you " give " your child the monies to get the home or did you also keep a mortgage on it too ( like a 2nd or 3rd ).
Can you also afford to help by making payments if she stops making them.. if so he might be able to keep the familiar setting that the children are used to.

[s_cianci]

If the mortgage is strictly in his name and he's the one who's been paying it, then he should just evict her from the property. A legal eviction typically takes 30 days. Being unmarried she has no claim to any share in the property.

[JudyKayTee]

If the mortgage is strictly in his name and he's the one who's been paying it, then he should just evict her from the property. A legal eviction typically takes 30 days. Being unmarried she has no claim to any share in the property.

In a case where both names are on the Deed at least in NYS the DEED controls who can and cannot live on the property, who can and cannot evict, not the mortgage - another good reason to have both the mortgage and deed in the same name or names.

Therefore, I do not believe he can evict her - the fact that he writes the mortgage check does not give him any rights.

[simoneaugie]

Offer to buy them both out if you can. Then the house that she cannot afford is no longer a burden to her when your son quits making payments.

[s_cianci]

In a case where both names are on the Deed at least in NYS the DEED controls who can and cannot live on the property, who can and cannot evict, not the mortgage - another good reason to have both the mortgage and deed in the same name or names.

Therefore, I do not believe he can evict her - the fact that he writes the mortgage check does not give him any rights.

True. From the post I got the impression that the mortgage and the deed alike were strictly in his name. But maybe I read too much into things.

[dyhuber]

Thank you for all your answers- to my questions, I appreciated the idea of settling the children first than the house, does any one know if mediation works well-- this woman that we are dealing with is so unreasonable.

[dyhuber]

Does any one know how well mediation works? My son is separating from a woman who is very unreasonable.They have 2 children, 3 and 1.5. --My son loves his children and wants to at least share custody.

[JudyKayTee]

Does any one know how well mediation works? My son is seperating from a woman who is very unreasonable.They have 2 children, 3 and 1.5. --My son loves his children and wants to at least share custody.

I've seen it work beautifully if the parties are even somewhat reasonable and willing to cooperate and put the children first; I have also seen a disaster, turning into a name calling match and solving nothing except burning up time and money. I've also seen mediators work out a settlement, both parties get into Court and one or the other changes his/her mind. At least a Decision is (pretty much) forever!

Often the mediator (being totally uninvolved and not on one side or the other) can take a: "this is what the Court is going to do, this is what the laws says, this is what is going to happen stance" and both parties accept it which they will NOT do with each person retaining an Attorney.

(I trust you are talking a married couple here and a divorce and not a living together and breaking up situation - ?)

[dyhuber]

Thank you for your answer-JudyKayTee but no they are not married- but living together and but have children and a house. Would that change mediation?

[Fr_Chuck]

The mediation will work great with child custody, child visitation, and child support ( to a point there is a state law on support)

But on the property, the mediation would have no force, unless both parties would sign to allow it to be binding. Since they are not married, there is no divorce court to force the issue and give the property to one or the other. Often one party will have to try to force the other one to either buy them out or force them to sell. This can be costly in civil court and often it may not even work.