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DMBacoustic · Jan 17, 2008, 02:32 PM

Dude you really shouldn't be afraid of those kinds of things. Whenever you think about that stuff think about how many couples end up divorced? I'm just saying you need to focus on your life, and making yourself better and stronger, and if you do that happiness will come and find you. I was scared too when I broke up with my girl.

I was always anxious about going out to bars and stuff or talking to other girls, since I'd been dragged around on a chain for 3 years and never had to worry about that, but once I took that initial step, acted like myself and went out and did it; Let me just tell you once that happens you're first thought in the morning will not be holy crap I miss her, it will be holy crap life is awesome and I feel sorry for the next guy that has to endure that crap form her. And who knows that new girl could be right around the corner, but don't even be concerned with that, just try to occupy yourself and always think positively, it can help you go very far in life.

DMBacoustic · Jan 17, 2008, 02:34 PM

Oh and any more home alone quotes in this thread are more than welcome. I prefer:

AHEM

"why the hell are your shoes off?"

"why the hell are you dressed like a chicken"

Think about these quotes once a day and I guarantee your life gets better

HistorianChick · Jan 17, 2008, 02:34 PM

You're more than welcome, Delow84. I can only share those things that have helped me.

Check out this posting... Its one I started last week to hear about other people and what has helped them at various stages of life... https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/books-...fe-171287.html You'll find quotes that will inspire you, uplift you, make you laugh, and above all, encourage you to keep on keeping on.

Enjoy! :)

HistorianChick · Jan 17, 2008, 02:37 PM

"i'm Living Alone!!! I'm Living Alone!!" :d

Delow84 · Jan 17, 2008, 02:43 PM

Thanks DMBacoustic, I know I shouldn't be scared, and I'm sure I'll get over it. And I've gone out a few times, to bars and what not. Guess I just wasn't ready for it, not use to it. Im not a big drinker, or a bar/club hopper. Lol last club I went to I had an epileptic seizure and was kicked out cause they thought I had drank too much. (hadnt even started drinking since it was a week or two after break up)

I want to go out to places I like, to shoot pool and what not. I just can't find a reason to go, so the last 2 weeks I just been sitting inside listening to music, watching movies playing a game and working out.

after 5 years of conforming, I'm working on being me again. Hopefully when I get that down ill wake up and feel like life is great. Lol because I do wake up and say "holy crap i miss her, or i hate dreams" etc I want to wake up and look forward to the day. So like everyone keeps telling me just got to give it time. Ill deal with the random thoughts and memories that pop in my head, I sigh them off, throw myself into working out, or just have a little cry, because I can admit it has gotten easier to have those thoughts and not spend a whole night crying.

Ya I kind of gave up on worrying about meeting someone else, if it happens it does. Just trying to make it from day to day, throwing in things I like to do, and have always wanted to and couldn't.

-edit- I laughed out loud at those quotes, thanks dmb, and historian chick ima check out that post, because I love quotes. They really do help, for me anyway

DMBacoustic · Jan 17, 2008, 03:07 PM

Originally Posted by Delow84

Ya i kinda gave up on worrying about meeting someone else, if it happens it does.

Never say you've given up on something like that. And you're right if it happens then it happens. But in the meantime don't think of yourself as this guy who's never going to meet another girl. If you keep having that outlook, who's going to want to be with you? Just because some girl who probably doesn't have the slightest clue as to what true love is leaves you, don't let her or this experience ruin your life.

This will make you a better person in the end.

Just have faith in confidence in yourself, and like I and everyone has said things will fall into place. When I broke up with my girl I was thinking holy crap I'll never even like get close to another girl. Two months and several girls later, you realize that all you have to do is go out there and live life and be who you are, and girls will appreciate that.

Oh and "Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me"

HistorianChick · Jan 17, 2008, 03:12 PM

Originally Posted by Delow84

i want to wake up and look forward to the day.
-edit- i laughed out loud at those quotes, thnx dmb, and historian chick ima check out that post, because I love quotes. They really do help, for me anyways

Good. You want to wake up and look forward to the day. That's the first step. Now, as in the words of Nike, JUST DO IT. Make the choice to look forward to the day. Don't think about tomorrow... just today. Live in the moment. When you live in each moment, you look back and find that you've had some pretty awesome days.

Oh, and, "Keep the change, you filthy animal..."

Delow84 · Jan 17, 2008, 03:13 PM

Originally Posted by DMBacoustic

Oh and "Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me"

Lol. When I said giving up, I didn't mean that I don't care or have any hope of it happening. I do, and I want to meet someone great who will respect and love me. I'm just not going to force it I should say, I will let it happen when and if it does.

And I plan on just trying to enjoy my life, in CO I want to go mountain climbing, take pictures from the top, I signed up for skydiving which I've always wanted to do. I joined a softball team at work, which I wouldn't have done any of those if I was with my ex. I am more willing to go out and DO things now. I may not always have fun, I may even get sad at times but I am going to do my best to enjoy my life.

"carpe diem quam minimum credula postero." Seize the day, trusting little in the future.

As a side note, finding and posting on this site has probably been the best thing to happen to me recently. Most helpful to be sure.

harmony08 · Jan 17, 2008, 03:23 PM

I read what you have written, and I felt so sorry, I had tears in my eyes and I can imagine, how you feel.
I know, that everybody says, well she is the one who lost such a good guy like you, or: you deserved better, but these things do not help you.
You have to get the feeling back, which gives you hope, love and the sense for life.

You have to realize, that she is not the problem, you are the person, who have to be more self-confident!

And I do not think, that she is really happy.
Perhabs the guy she is now with, is more handsome or smarter, but he is not better! He cannot be better, because you really care about her.
You think about her, you really love her ALTHOUGH she had done such bad things to you.
This is love, but its destructive. And it hurts just YOU.

I really hope, that you will find YOUR way. And believe me you will, if you just want to.
What she has done to, she will get back in her life. This is karma.
Do not wish her bad things, be patient and you will see what life has to give YOU:
Real and good love.

Delow84 · Jan 17, 2008, 03:41 PM

Every time I tell the story, I tear up, every time I've read all the great responses, I've teared up (and I'm at work lol)
"you have to get the feeling back" ---- that line for some reason reminded me of top gun when they play the song "youve lost that loving feeling" guess that movie has been in my mind since I am going to get a bike and ill pretend to be tom cruise for a day lol :)

Ahh humor is the best and its probably one of the things I love most about myself. I can be at the lowest point in my life, but when people are comforting me ill always try and make THEM laugh.

She wasn't evil, or the antichrist or such. Just an insecure person who was stuck in that high school drama mentality. She had her great moments (which is why I stuck it out) and that guy may be more handsome,(doubtful he's smarter) or just all around better. But it doesn't affect me in any way. I don't wish bad things on her, but on the flip side I believe in karma. I sincerely hope she never experiences what she did to me. I'm probably one of the most impatient people in the world, but the last 3 months have taught me a little bit about being patient, about living. And I may sound like I'm on the road to recovery, which I may very well be. But I know it can be a long and bumpy road, but for once (and I'm crying as I type this) I'm looking forward to the ride :)

Brandino747 · Jan 17, 2008, 04:42 PM

Wow. This sucks.

The good thing is is that she was a jealous obsessive controlling b*tch; and to me, that would be easier getting over someone who was quite elegant and didn't stress over stuff like that.

The gym will help, get a work out buddy... girls love guys with muscles so get some and flaunt it! Maybe go tanning too. A therapist should help you straighten your mind out again. Hang out with all your girls that are friends, use them as "pivots" for other females. Watch Swingers... and your situation will all make sense... trust me.

Delow84 · Jan 17, 2008, 04:50 PM

Don't need a tan lol I'm half hispanic :) and I think the same about muscles so I'm working hard at it (I was skinny before) and I kind of consider that a reason she wandered. More self blame which probably isn't warranted. And with the hanging out with girl friends, I got to make all new ones cause I lost all the ones I had while dating my ex. Only one managed to stick through it all and she lives a few hours away :( so I'm working on making ALL new friends, because I really only have 2 that stuck it out with me. (that is one guy and one girl friend)

LivingtheLifeinFLA · Jan 17, 2008, 04:59 PM

Delow:

I am going to disagree with a lot of the posters here that said that you were not a man and that's her reason for the disconnect, I think that you were probably too much of a man and she was feeling like she couldn't control you any longer. I think that many posters have never personally encountered this type of person before.

I may be wrong but I am going to give it a shot because this type of woman is different than normal woman as this person needs one thing only... and that is control.

Generally, these are very attractive women who have always had their choice of men and are extremely insecure. The way that they control you is to beat you down to make YOU feel insecure like a wounded dog (lying, looking at other girls, etc).

For example, all of the "you can't watch this, and you are looking at her and the holier than now truth telling attitude is nothing but a smokescreen so she doesn't have to worry about you when she is not arounf once she trains you.

This type of woman will survive long term with a wimp only. Because at first you may be enamored with her looks, but after awhile you get tired of her putting you down and acting like your mother, so you start to act up, at this point she is losing control and starts to look for the next wimp because the last thing that she can handle is confrontation or being alone.

I quess my point here is that "it is not you", so get that out of your head NOW. The real problems are her insecurities, not yours. When they are forcing the honesty, 9 out of 10 times they are mirroring because they are liars.

And if you ask her how did this new relationship happen, she will probably answer with something like "it just happened, I was surprised too."

Good riddance to her. I know that you can't see it right now, but you will. Remember, she is the one with the issues.

BTW, how many people go out of their way to be like "I am so happy on their myspace page" If she had any respect (bet she never gave you any) she would keep her relationship on the qt, so as to not hurt you. She wants to hurt you for breaking up with her, the attitude of "I win".

Delow84 · Jan 17, 2008, 05:30 PM

Wow you actually hit a lot of it on the head, and mirrored some of my own thoughts now and in the past during our relationship. Yes she was beautiful! At least to me. And very insecure from the start of our relationship, because she had a small chest and was teased in high school. I never said or did ANYTHING to contribute to the idea that she was inadequate in any way.

Once before we separated for a few weeks, she slept with a guy she barely knew, I was doing NC at the time. We ended up back together. I didn't find out about the guy for a year and a half, and only from her ex best friend. So the way I see it, that was a prelude to now, she tried with another guy and didn't work out so she came back to me. This time they hit it off, and me being angry/upset probably even pushed them closer faster.

She basically did everything she ever accused or worried I would do. More than once. She made me insecure about myself (thus me working out so much)

And you I think the same about the myspace thing. Which is another reason I've made it a point not to check. (I screwed up 2 months of not checking yesterday but never again) she won whatever high school game she was playing. She is happy, I'm miserable. But I lost a liar, hypocrite, cheater, insecure, jealous, manipulative, person who has hurt me far more then naught. She lost someone who trully loved her in spite of those flaws. Someone who forgave her mistakes. And someone who wanted to go through it every day with her for the rest of his life.
Who is the real loser?

friend4u178 · Jan 17, 2008, 05:38 PM

She's the loser for sure. And hey , she may not really be happy but just putting up a brave face to make you feel worse. Well don't worry about it not your problem , and don't ever let her know you are feeling anything but happy with your decision.

Smile my friend , your best years are yet to come , and with someone who deserves you.

LivingtheLifeinFLA · Jan 17, 2008, 05:43 PM

She's not happy, her insecurities deny her this privilege. By the way, does she have many really close best friends. I would bet not.

Delow84 · Jan 17, 2008, 05:54 PM

Na I'm not letting myself worry if she is happy or not. I don't ask myself "why" or "how" she could do what she did anymore, either.

And no she doesn't have many close friends. Just the friends from her work. Her one best friend she had since high school stopped being her friend when she slept with that guy a few years back. She has a guy friend (who she was allowed to talk to and hang out with during our relationship) that has had a crush on her for I don't know how long.

Funny thing is I encouraged her to make the friends at work, get closer to her family and even to hang out with that guy friend. And somehow her whole family thinks I was the reason she never saw them. Meh. One sided stories can do that.

From last I saw of her she doesn't look like her insecurities are a problem anymore. But then you can't take a picture of every minute of every day, and she prob wouldn't post those anyway. Also I know that the best part of a relationship is the beginning(and end in the lucky ones who stay together till old age :) ) so I know she is flying high now. Whether she stays that way doesn't matter anymore to me. Whether her insecurities are mysteriously cured, doesn't affect me anymore.

Knowing she is happy is bitter sweet. I'm fine with what I know now, and ill be great if I never learn anything else about her.

dollface_93 · Jan 17, 2008, 08:06 PM

I don't know if you are a very spiritual person, I am!:p I know how hard it to leave a relationship and move on, but my faith in God and his promise to me that everything happens because that's how he wants it, and he will never give you more than you can handle! You have learned many things about yourself though this relationship and it has helped you see who you are and what you want in life, and who you want to be with!
My mom always told me when I was devastated after a serious relationship, The next one will be better! And guess what, he was they just kept getting better, and my relationships were better each time because I learned more about myself through each experience! I have now found my true love, and hope the same for you!
God bless you!

Delow84 · Jan 17, 2008, 08:10 PM

Thank you :) I never use to be very spiritual but now I think I am more so. Just yesterday I was begging God for help, and I stumbled across this website where so many people have been kind enough to respond to me.

I am just scared that what God may have in store for me, is to be single the rest of my life. Not everyone finds that special someone. I'm afraid I'm in that group and I know its mostly post break up sadness talking... but it's still a big fear.

And you I've noticed each relationship is better then the last (and usually longer) So maybe my next big relationship will be the one Im hoping for :)

Brandino747 · Jan 18, 2008, 08:14 AM

Also too, make sure you look absolutley incredible when you go out. If you run into her you want her to see you happy and "ok" with not being with her. Be a social chatter box, seriously... meet new people.

And watch swingers!