[soho]

I'm 53, divorced, and, men consider me very attractive.
I met someone 4.5 years ago. It was a chance meeting, he's 10 years younger, to the day. We are both creative, and head turners.
He IS NOT MARRIED.
He does not have a significant other.
He more than likely has many others.
I see him every few months for nothing but sex. He never brings food, drink, a flower, and I kill myself preparing for him.
We correspond via email.
We never phone.
He is my secret.
I am in another relationship.
I cheat on that relationship.
I can't be in a normal relationship, because of my secret.
My secret won't allow me to talk about anything personal with him,i.e. how I feel about him. If I do, he will ignore me, maybe for months.
He is using me, and of course I know it.
I can't get over him.
I am obsessed.
He is in my every thought, he affects my health and my work, and every aspect of my life.
I've lost 4.5 years of my life to this person, and I need some kind of help in letting it go.
I suppose my question is, what kind of help do I need?

[jrebel7]

The mind is a powerful tool. You are dwelling on a relationship that you know is a negative in your life. He does not seem to be as committed to the affair as you are and affairs generally do wreck havoc in ones life just by the nature of them. I would suggest you deciding which person you want, then make the decision in your mind to let go of the other one. While doctors and hyponosis has been proven to help people, why depend on a hypnotist or shrink when you have the capacity within yourself to make a good solid decision regarding your future. Secrets can seem exciting for awhile but then they begin to destroy. That is where you are now. Again, I just suggest you use the wonderful mind you have been given, make some good decisions for yourself and then move forward. If the person you are having the affair with, is not interested in anything more than what you have now... why would you want anything less from a relationship than you or anyone else deserves. Sounds you are giving to him, but he not so much to you. You say you know he is using you. Why would you allow that to go on? Look at your life. Take stock and decide what is important to you, make a decision, and no matter what, stick to that decision. I am not trying to sound flippant here and I do understand letting go can be difficult but you say both of you have a lot going for you... use what you have going for you and that is the power to make up your mind to stick with a good decision that will bring joy... I know at first it will be difficult... but you will be able to let go... an hour at a time, a day at a time, a week at a time... well, you know what I am saying. No quick fix. I wish there was but just want you to know you can have a life, a happy life beyond this situation but you have to move forward in order to ever experience that. There is a saying I have lived by many times, "I would rather step out into the darkness holding the hand of God than walk the well-lit path without Him." Sometimes, I have been in situations where I felt I was stepping into darkness but knew it was the right decision. The well-lit path looks and feels very familiar but once you take that other step, a whole new world opens up to you. Best to you!

[Fr_Chuck]

A good couselor can help you perhps with some self esteem issue, a guess, I see a lot of life issues, the need to mention looks, does it matter, ugly people far in love and have affairs.

And you are using each other for sex it sounds ike, and he does not have to pay you, ( not even pay for a dinner) so he is coming out way ahead on this.

You are breaking the trust of a relationship you are in. They deserve better than this also.

Most hypnotists are not licensed or even properly trained. I was in the frst 100 that was in the National Board of Hypnotheropy. If you want to get over a habit, like smoking they can do wonders, if you want to find an issue with your mother from when you where 10 they are great, if you want to quack like a duck, they are your person.
If you want real help with a life disorder, get a couselor.