[pugster01]

So, last night I was at my gf's work and my close buddy jokingly around picks up my gf's phone and starts reading the text messages. He read them out loud jokingly, but about half way through the sentence did he realize the text message was from another guy and their planned meeting at 2am. I am not the type of person to go through her phone and never would have found it if my friend had not. She pulled me outside and told me that she had texted this "friend" actually an ex from 6 years ago at 2 am. She then went with him to his house until 5 am. At her work when I first discovered it, she quickly pulled the phone from my friend and hid it. Later on when we meet up to talk she had erased the sent messages and I think some of the received, but I don't know. She is claiming that they are just friends, and they talk a lot on the computer. While at this kids house she tells me they watched a movie and he tried making a move on her, at which time she said no and left. As well while talking about the situation later that night, she had first told me that her friend had went, however after 15 minutes she admitted that she did go alone. She has not stopped crying to me in the last 24 hours about how sorry she was and she made a big mistake, and would not do anything to lose me. I have not lashed out and have been controlling myself and not saying anything wrong. I am just trying to take some time to think the situation thoroughly. I feel as though between the lies and hiding of things that something could be wrong. On the other had she always says how crazy she is about me. Is it wrong for me to lose trust in someone who can be so shady at times?

[EuRa]

You're between a rock and a hard place, let me explain.

She cheated on you. Whether she had sex isn't even an issue (although I think she did... come on, 2AM-5AM). But the fact that she went sneaking behind your back, then went out of her way to try to keep it from you, tells me something is up.

She's crying now, but that's because she got caught. So let's pretend that she really IS sorry and really WILL change. Well if you stay with her, she will think "wow, I cheated on him, and he let me get away with it. I can easily do it again!" She may appreciate your nice gesture, but she won't ever respect you. Without that respect, you won't have anything.

This happened to me once before. As soon as I found out, I drove to her house, got my stuff, told her I knew, and left. As I was leaving, she cried a little "Michael, wait". I said "no, it's too late", closed the door and left. You know what? She never called me back. She never tried. She acted all upset and down about it when I was with her, but after I dumped her, she didn't care. It's a trap, don't fall for it.

The only way she will respect you, is if you dump her NOW! If she tries hard to get you back, it's your choice if you let her or not, but then you'll know how serious she is. If she doesn't try, like my ex, then you'll know she doesn't want to be with you, and would do it again in a heartbeat.

The only REAL solution for you, is to break it off with her, tell her the reason (KEEP IT SHORT) and that's it. Go on with your life, and if she really does care about you, she will contact you. Then all will be right with the world. That may be hard to do, but what's more important? Getting hurt over and over, or getting hurt ONCE and ending it now before you are trapped?

GTFO! Show her who is boss! If you stay, you are asking for it.

[HistorianChick]

While I wouldn't have said it as forceful as EuRa, I do whole heartedly agree... She's crying and sorry because she was found out. As a kid, we do the same thing when our parents catch us in a lie... we're not sorry about it until we're caught.

I definitely think you are justified in losing trust. She hasn't earned it. Take a step back and look at the situation. What would you tell a friend to do in the same situation?

[Romefalls19]

I feel as though I am the only one that will tell you to give her a chance, let her explain everything to you. Have her tell you everything that went on, if she lies or changes her story just once.. Bow out my friend. Also, if she loves you tell her to call that ex in front of you and have her ask what went on that night and see what he says. DO NOT LET HIM KNOW YOUR ON THE PHONE TOO! And then if you want to be with her after that, then work it out. But set boundries, she violated your trust, she should earn it back. If she loves you like she says she does, she will be the first person to ask how

[HurtingALot]

WOW! This story sounds familiar to me... (unfortunately... )

Pugster, I think I'm in the same boat as you... if you read my latest post, you'll see what I'm talking about...

So here's my 2 cents... We caught them in a lie... I decided to walk away... (even though I didn't officially say the words.) It's been 9 days of NC... (he tried to call on the last day we were together after this had all gone down, but nothing since then.)

I hear from friends that he is miserable... and hurting. I hope it's true. I certainly am hurting, but I know that without some real effort on his part (of course he begged and pleaded when I caught him... ) to come back to me and make this work, there is nothing to be done.

Like EuRa says, if they come back and are Truly trying, then there's something to think about. If not... then it isn't meant to be and they don't deserve you (or the tears that you shed on this... )

They screwed up... let them try to fix it. If they love you... they will. If they don't you're better off in the end anyway... (But believe me... it's going to be tough!! "cause I am struggling, even though I know in my heart of hearts that I'm doing the right thing... at least for now.)

Hope this is helpful.

[kuulski]

This a tough 1 the signs point to her lying over and over again. Especially this being an Ex makes it that much harder to believe her for me. She goes over there at 2am and leaves at 5am? Sounds like a booty call to me but hey I could be wrong. I would take a break from her to sort out your feelings and see how it pans out after that. She sounds very suspect. Good Luck!

[aiyerrc]

Wow, see you later biotch... this whore cheated, and you need to next her...

What a

[pugster01]

Thanks everyone for your response, its very helpful. Its just surprising to find something like this out. We are together all the time and our relationship is very strong. Its just weird how it came out of the blue. We were together up till that night in VA for 4 days, she did not receive any contact from him then. As well any contact to my knowledge before that asking to hang out so late. She did not have work the next day and she claimed she could not fall asleep. If I ask her to call him I know she would cry hysterically the entire time. If I ask him to text message him I am sure this guy would probably deny or just laugh it off. I fear I have no way of proving it.

[Romefalls19]

Tell her if she won't call to find out what happened, well then you walk away. She should be willing to do anything to make your mind at ease. If she won't I agree with the above posters... Walk away man

[talaniman]

I walk any way, because you will always be looking, and wondering about this trust issue.