[babyblonde430]

I am engaged and my fiancé and I want to take the whole premarital counseling thing that some churches offer... but the only problem is neither one of attend church... and my future father-in-law wants us to have a catholic wedding... which I don't care... my fiancé and I do not have a religious affiliation and every catholic place will make you take classes to become a catholic which I wouldn't mind its just that its over 10 months long... and our wedding is in October.. and classes don't start until then... it also seems like a lot to do for someone ( prob. Going to get some negativity here but) who doesn't believe in god... neither does my fiancé so we are just doing it solely for his dad... any suggestions on who else offers premarital counseling oter then churches... and is there a way I can become a catholic just on paper without having to jump through all the hoops so my future dad will be pleased with the wedding also... and yes... he does know that we are not religious people but my fiancés entire family is, so we want to do this to please everyone.

[mjl]

I am not religious either, nor is my husband. We don't go to church, but we took premarital counselling before the wedding. My husband's mom is a secretary for a church and is very religious and he wanted to get married in his mother's church and the premartial course was required to get married by that pastor.

To be honest, I wasn't very keen on the whole idea of this counselling either, but looking back I am very glad we took it because it got us thinking about things we never thought about before and got us discussing things we never talked about before. I highly recommend it.

[shygrneyzs]

You can find premarital counseling or classes in places other than churches. Call some counseling centers, some private practice therapists and find out your options. About becoming Catholic via a piece of paper? No. Have you and your fiancé even gone and talked to a Catholic priest about your situation? Why would a priest even counsel a couple, who does not believe in God, to get married in a Catholic Church? The wedding ceremony traditionally involves a Mass. Wouldn't that be a mockery?

My question - if you do all this to please someone else - is this going to lead to some bitter feelings down the road?

[Fr_Chuck]

First if you are not catholic, you can't have a catholic wedding. And just to have a wedding is not reason to join a church.

Next almost every pastor does a pre-marriage course. I know in TN you have to take one in order to get a discount on the marriage license.
So you just need to call around more.

Actually all of the pre marriage counseling I do is not relgious based but merely a look into the hard ships of being married, and living together.

Now I can't speak for all pastors, but most will be glad to give you marriage counseling, ( because you are paying them a fee to do it for one thing). But there are many counseling groups ( non chistian that would offer it also , but normally will cost more)

Also if you don't believe in God why even want a church wedding, a private service with a judge or even paying the judge to do a larger wedding can be done.

But then there are a lot of pastors who will marry anyone, so it is always up to you.

[George_1950]

I think it is difficult, but not impossible, to separate marital counseling from the tenets of faith. For that reason, I would seek counseling away from a priest or pastor. However, if you are interested in developing a marital relationship based upon faith, or have an interest in learning more about faith and marriage, I would encourage you to meet with a pastor.

[LearningAsIGo]

As someone who was married 6m ago, trust me... you will not be able to please everyone. Only you and your fiancé matter here, and if neither of you believe in the Catholic faith, you should not join a church. Not only would it be an insult to an entire religious institution, but to your FFIL as well. If neither of you have faith in God, then why in the world would you want to be married inside a church? This ceremony is supposed to represent the bride and groom... not the grooms family. Families love to give opinions on weddings and marriages... however, they are not part of the union. You are coming together as a couple and now is the time to start standing up for yourselves and your beliefs.
Personally, we rented a historic chapel and my FIL (Baptist minister) performed the ceremony. WE made that choice... did my 1/2 Catholic, 1/2 Atheist family like it? Maybe not. Does it matter? NO!

Premarital counseling is a very good idea, but it doesn't have to be faith based or inclinded toward a religion you do not believe in.

[babyblonde430]

We wouldn't be getting married in a church... it would be an outdoor wedding... the main thing I want to do though it get the premarital counseling because I think it would be great for us... I mean it couldn't hurt us... plus I only want to get married one time and one time only... I don't really believe in divorce so I want to do everything to make what we already have better... I just thought that only churches did the counseling thing... boy was I worng... lol... well thanks guys for all your help!

[Alexanderrh]

I am thinking of getting married for the second time and we keep having various fallouts as to what happens when we are married never mind the thought of where and how we get married.
Never mind the religious aspect of the marriage as you are not religious dedicate you time to thinking of why your getting married, and have you talked about who does what in the marriage and what you think marriage involves.
Never mind what the family want for the marriage. They may have a part say in if they were footing the bill as to some aspect of the marriage regarding the paying for it but if you can discuss things with them this should also not be a problem. If it becomes a problem because they are footing the bill have a rethink about what is most important for the future of your union rather than the day itself. It is easier to see what should happen when your are writing to a stranger giving advice than it is to do the things because there are so many people who are next to you saying this must happen and this must happen.
Where is the law... tradition is a mixture of what normally happens but because most people have been brought up different mostly it a mixture of tradition and family pride...
The most important is to think, why am I getting married? The marriage day itself is one day out of the rest of your life. Yes you want it something to remember but even the most simplest of marriages are the most memorable because you have time to see everything.
Big weddings have so many things happening that you don't see on the day because your more worried about what yourself is doing and have to do that it is only after the date is over and done with, the photos and films and other peoples merories make the full picture.

[cerisa]

As for catholic wedding, yes non catholics are married every day. One of the couple should be or have been catholic. Some parishes are more lenient about the ceremony.The premarital counseling is very good for any couple, religious or not. It is not a conversion, or RCIA which is a whole different area of study. It is a wonderful thing to give each other, enough love to want to have the best marriage possible.

[nitsnitz]

Many times couple shows more interest in new relationship and show the attitude of doing anything for their partner but later things turn down and many things change in your present relationship after marriage. This is due to the reason couples are more in love and ignore other aspect of real life that they have to live together. Premarital counseling is necessary for these couples. Pre-marriage therapy deals with all the present behavioral, physical, mental, economical and desires of both the partner and then give the suggestion whether you can live together or what kind of relationship important tips you have to follow for better and healthy marriage relationship. Sometimes couples admit themselves in couple boot camps and many marriage saving seminars to enhance their communication skills, to control anger, reduce abusive behavior and many more.
Best Marriage Counselors: Christian premarital counseling

[Jake2008]

If you agree to have your marriage in a Catholic Church ceremony, and you are not Catholic, they will require you to take the Catholic pre marriage counselling together.

You do not have to change your faith, or become Catholic. It is mainly to discuss marriage and all the things that that entails.

It will also probably require you to agree to certain conditions in order to marry in the Catholic church, such as raising any children of the union, as Catholics. As far as those rules go, they haven't changed much over the years.

The best way to be really sure of what to expect is to just phone a Catholic church, ask to speak to a Priest, and spend a half hour with him. Getting all your questions answered will put your mind at ease, and give you all the information you need.

I did that once, when a friend of mine went from the Catholic church to a radical off-shoot of the same, and I was worried about her. He was one of the smartest people I'd ever talked to, and more than willing to answer all my questions.

[topkay]

Your father-in-law gave you the best advice on pre-marital counselling.You need to learn certain ropes on keeping a home and a family. You will learn from matured and experienced people. Please do take the step,You will not regret the it.