[Spartan112]

I..

I don't know what to do. I don't find any meaning to anything anymore. I remember before when I would do stuff and help people because I truly wanted to be helpful and apriciated. But I just don't see the point anymore.

To be honest, There is no higher being judging us, the only ones judging are ourselves and everyone seeing/hearing/feeling what we do..

After some time I realized that it doesn't matter what others think of me or my actions, I truly don't care, so that leaves ME to decide. Problem is.. I don't know what to do.

I don't know what would make me happy in life, I don't know what would make sense to me, and I really don't know how to spend my time. Now days I play computer games and do nothing at all. I have no direction no motivation to get one, nor do I see any meaning to continuing doing this.

As I see it, If everything is going to disappear when I die then what did any of it matter? And yes I NEED IT TO MATTER! I can just do whatever feels good at the time, but I think too much, I think of what happens if I do what I do and how it will affect people, so in the end I end up not doing what I want but what is good for everyone else.. and it's really starting to piss me off.

I'm starting to wanting to hurt people, I'm not bulltng, I really want to make them suffer, for ing with what I want, but that's not the problem, I'm starting to think that is OK, because if nothing is recorded and nothing will matter then ? Why should I care. I should just do whatever I want to.

I need input on how this sounds, I can't be wrong

[jrebel7]

I have gone through a little bit of what you are feeling. When things just didn't seem important at all. We differ however, in that I do believe in Jesus Christ, have asked Him into my heart to be my Lord and Savior. I don't think in terms though of Him judging what I do giving me worth. He is a God of love but also a just God. We have to have a feeling of self-worth and we can only love others to the degree that we love ourselves. At one point, I did not have a self-love. I received that through Christ. The Bible says He has made us acceptable in the beloved. He wraps us in His righteousness so when I pray, I know, God is seeing the righteousness of His son Jesus and not my grungy sins or appearance. Great freedom comes when we allow God to love us and accept us and we Him.

I know that sometimes, feeling like what you are describing come from depression. The strongest people of faith still at times deal with these kind of thoughts. No one is immune from them and I think more people have some of these same thoughts than you might realize.

I would have a check-up with blood work done to rule out any physical problems that might be affecting you and have tests done to check certain levels of chemicals in the brain that if they get depleted can cause some of what you have described. Tell your doctor what you have shared here. Diet can cause levels to get out of level, lack of exercise, isolating ourselves from others.

The fact that you have posted here tells me you want more than what you have in your life. It also tells me that you are more than you are giving yourself credit for being. There will be others with more suggestions than I have given but will sign off for now. I hope to see you post again. We all need encouragers in this life. It just gets hard sometimes but knowing someone else has felt the same way or has gone through similar experiences helps me and I hope it encourages you. I don't have all the answers you are looking for but I will be checking the site periodically. Please do keep in touch.

[jrebel7]

One more thought... I was getting ready to retire for the evening and your posts has stayed in my mind. You mentioned that you play computer games a lot. I am not a medical person but I do know that even though you don't see the movement on the screen, it blinks thousands a times per second... that may be an exaggeration but my son who is a programmer tells me that even though I don't see it, it is blinking. A CST where I worked said told me the same thing. If you are on the computer a lot, this could be affecting you in some way. Also, you don't mention what type of games you play. There are some dangerous ones out there that if you have a steady diet of, can influence your thinking to a great degree. As I said, I am not a medical person, just sharing some things that have been shared with me.

[Spartan112]

I have gone through a little bit of what you are feeling. When things just didn't seem important at all. We differ however, in that I do believe in Jesus Christ, have asked Him into my heart to be my Lord and Savior. I don't think in terms though of Him judging what I do giving me worth. He is a God of love but also a just God. We have to have a feeling of self-worth and we can only love others to the degree that we love ourselves. At one point, I did not have a self-love. I received that through Christ. The Bible says He has made us acceptable in the beloved. He wraps us in His righteousness so when I pray, I know, God is seeing the righteousness of His son Jesus and not my grungy sins or appearance. Great freedom comes when we allow God to love us and accept us and we Him.

If I would believer in a higher being of any kind It would make sense to me, I can see it I just don't believe it. If there was a higher being that is going to send us to hell or heaven judging from what we have done on earth then I have a reason to keep up my smile and friendlyness, I have a reason to help others and continue faking my personality so I Seem Nice, so to speak, When I say "seem" it means that often when I do tasks for other people and help out I deep down don't want to, I just do It because it's the right thing to do. But If no one is judging what is right then it doesn't matter if I do the right thing or not. I just can't get over the god concept. It seems lovely and all, a really big fairy tale of how you mean something as a induvidual and that someone is watching out for you, but I can't accept a lie to help me live a better life, it needs to be real for me.

I know that sometimes, feeling like what you are describing come from depression. The strongest people of faith still at times deal with these kind of thoughts. No one is immune from them and I think more people have some of these same thoughts than you might realize.

I can understand others having the same feelings as me, I'm only human :) And I can admitt that I feel some kind of depression, but I was hoping to get help/finding some way to make sense of it all, make something real and matter :) hope you understood that :)

I would have a check-up with blood work done to rule out any physical problems that might be affecting you and have tests done to check certain levels of chemicals in the brain that if they get depleted can cause some of what you have described. Tell your doctor what you have shared here. Diet can cause levels to get out of level, lack of exercise, isolating our selves from others.

Okey, I run about 6km 4-5 times a day, and I eat when I get hungry, and I eat what I feel like at the time, Could it be chips, could it be a stake, I eat what feels good at the time, I heard that having rutine meals and food from all the different kinds of nutritions is good for the boddy but I haven't really paid attention. If this continues on I will speak to a doctor about it.

The fact that you have posted here tells me you want more than what you have in your life. It also tells me that you are more than you are giving yourself credit for being. There will be others with more suggestions than I have given but will sign off for now. I hope to see you post again. We all need encouragers in this life. It just gets hard sometimes but knowing someone else has felt the same way or has gone through similar experiences helps me and I hope it encourages you. I don't have all the answers you are looking for but I will be checking the site periodically. Please do keep in touch.

Yes I want more then I have in my life, and yes I need to find reason/encouragement to keep on going. I just cant.. Thank you for reading by the way.

One more thought......I was getting ready to retire for the evening and your posts has stayed in my mind. You mentioned that you play computer games a lot. I am not a medical person but I do know that even though you don't see the movement on the screen, it blinks thousands a times per second......that may be an exaggeration but my son who is a programmer tells me that even though I don't see it, it is blinking. A CST where I worked said told me the same thing. If you are on the computer a lot, this could be affecting you in some way. Also, you don't mention what type of games you play. There are some dangerous ones out there that if you have a steady diet of, can influence your thinking to a great degree. As I said, I am not a medical person, just sharing some things that have been shared with me.

I spend A lot of time at the computer. But it seems kind of strange that blinking would make me angry?

I play pritty much every game, I download it, finish it and buy it if I am exited to play the multiplayer part. I have probobly played 90% of the MMORPGs/RPG/Strategy/FPS games since 2000. I just like completeing them and living the jurney.

Besides from computers I get dragged to parties with my friends, I don't really want to party, it's getting kind of childish, well, the way we party it is chilish :) I could go to the pub and have a couple of beers and just be with my friends you know, but my friends don't fancy being able to stand up when they drink, And I do so I generally get to take care of them at the end of the evening, I hate partying..

Be waiting for Response :)