[cathosaurus]

I would characterize my boyfriend as absolutely depressed. We recently moved across the country after having a really rough time in a new city. He does not seem to have the energy to get a job or do basically anything... We are fighting a lot. I am trying to be supportive and understanding - we have began the process of talking openly about how this is effecting our relationship (it was destroying it for a while) and I think we are on the upward trek... I know it won't be easy and I would like to know what I can do to be supportive. Because of the no j-o-b situation and the no insurance situation we can't afford to go to a therapist... I know I can't "cure" or "fix" it for him, but I want to be there and help encourage him... it's just hard to stay positive around someone so negative and pessimistic and angry! Sometimes I feel like he has sucked the life out of me and I find myself being just as lazy and angry - that's not me at all!!

[Internet Junkie]

My ex-boyfriend used to be depressed, going on insane, accusing me of having affairs when he knew I was stuck at home all day with the kids and he used to be gone who knows where (I am the one who should have been suspicious). He used to sleep all day, get up and go off at night and wonder why would I go off sex (Who wouldn't in those conditions, I must also say that my youngest child used to wake up 2-3 times a night and at 18 month, still slept in our bedroom)!
He ended up raping me (during the last week, every single night), then apologize and blame it on the depression, so I just took off with the kids, even though he said if I left I would come back in a box.
I have no more time or energy for anyone suffering from depression, they just hurt everyone around them, they should be all locked up!

[Choux]

Life is short, youth flies away very fast... time to move on or this guy will ruin your life.

Rule of Thumb... young men are no good unless they *work*... if they don't work, they are basket cases in one way or another.

[peggyhill]

Not having a job could be a major reason your boyfriend is depressed. My fiancée was injured a year and a half ago. He couldn't work for around six months. He was sort of down during that time. He wasn't majorly depressed or anything, just really frustrated that he couldn't work.

I would really push the job thing. Tell him that you aren't going to support him while he sits around. Have him go to an employment service, a temp job, just anything that will get him off the couch and collecting a paycheck. I bet he feels much better once he does.

Do you think maybe he has actual depression? Sometimes moving can be really stressful, esp. if he doesn't have lots of friends in the new city. Are there any free clinics for the uninsured in your area? Maybe he could find one and speak to a doctor about his depression (if he feels that may be the problem). If the clinic there can't treat him, they can probably refer him somewhere that can help out, insurance or not. If you have a mental health center in your area, they may be able to provide information about depression, as well as help him work out a treatment plan. There is often funding available to help depressed people who are currently without insurance. It might be worth checking out.

If he refuses to get help and/or a job, you may have to reconsider this relationship. You can't waste your life on someone who isn't willing to try. But, that being said, I really hope it works out for you guys. It is really good that you are encouraging him to be open and honest about his feelings.

[tibora]

Why can't people just answer this poor person's question? I have a similar issue and am seeking support. I come to these sites for help only to hear a bunch of people being non supportive and self absorbed.

Writer, I am so sorry for your pain and hope your situation has improved.