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I messed up.
I messed up big time. Like I said in one of my previous questions my boyfriend broke up with me, 3 weeks ago today. Being that I'm adrinaline addict and was just trying to stay numb, I made the HUGE mistake of sleeping with my ex's best friend. I was IM'ing my ex last night and everything was fine, he asked me if he asked me back out what would I say, and I told him yes, the conversation contiuned, and we were just joking around and I told him that I'm not that kind of girl (even though I've had sex with him and all that) I was kidding around at least when it came to him, but then I got serious and told him that I wasn't very happy on the male species right now, and he asked why, he started taking guesses, and I kept saying no, and then he said he won't try to convince me, but it would mean a lot. Im so use to going to him for everything, he wasn't just my boyfriend, he was one of my best friends. Anyway, the weight of the guilt and not wanting to lie to him, I told him, he FREAKED out, I didn't expect him to to that extent, but he did, I convinced him to stay on and talk to me, and we got calmed down, he kept trying to flirt and anyway... he told me that we might not go back out... anyways, we talked some more, I was trying to be serious because I was so confuesed, he acted all sweet and flirty and I kept trying to tell him that he was going to end up hurting me if he didn't quit... we got to the end of the conversation. And he started being a hole, saying really mean stuff... like I said I felt sick and he's like what you pregnant? And then I said something and he's wasn't saying anything, so I said what are you not talking now and he's like not when I'm looking at a face like that... and then he put oooooooo I burned your balls... and yeah... I don't know this morning he tried to talk to me, and I was asleep, had it on busy, and he said when you get back on hollar back and the he's like the cleaning lady is here ill be back soon bye... hes playing games... im just so confuesed...
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It seems to me that you're the one playing games and he is the one that should be confused and hurting if anyone. The only logical conclusion of being with another guy to 'get him jealous' is to finalize and sever your relationship with him and leave him to conclude that you weren't serious enough about him and/or you can't be trusted... What other response(s) did you really expect to gain by doing that??
He is probably doing the communicating and flirty thing with you because he is not sure how to respond and still in disbelief you would pull a stunt like that. |
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We weren't togather, he was acting like he hated me and he wanted to date someone else, I didn't think it mattered, until he brought that crap up when we were IMing, I was so numb for the last few weeks, I know he has every right to be ticked and hurt and confuesed, but I just don't know how to go about mending everything, and I wasn't with the other guy to get him jealous, I was with the other guy because I wasn't thinking and he said everything I wanted to hear... and I thought that next step to forgetting all of the pain was to just move on, no games intended, just trying to stop hurting... but I still don't know what to do... be patient with him, let him know that I'm sorry and that I still care for him, and I'm willing to awnser any questions he has, and that I'll wait, until he knows what he wants and needs no matter the outcome, whether he wants to be with me or not? Ugh... love sucks
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My policy if you aren't together and you want to get back together and you think you MIGHT get back together is to wait it out until THEY have somebody else.
To run to somebody else because you THINK they aren't going to come back only sets you up for it being so. ALL you can do at this point is be honest with him and tell him you made a stupid mistake and you would like another chance and then it is up to him one way or the other. In the meantime this is all you can really expect from him until he decides. |
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Now that I understand your story, I thought you cheated on him and that's why he broke up with you...
Okay, you just need to give him time.. he probably acted that way as a defense mechanism because you blindsided him with something that people have killed other people for. Its such a slim chance that he will even speak to you again, I wouldn't hold out. He broke up with you for a reason, and sleeping with his best friend after HE broke up with you only put the nail in the coffin that is yalls relationship. I would move on... |
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The thing is we are talking, a lot more than we did when we were togather, before after we broke up he told me not to hold out, but now he's saying give it a little while, like when he comes back home in a day or two so we can talk, I got all worked up about him forbiding me to so much as look in his bestfriends direction and then saying something about us might not go back out now, and he told me that in light, it was a possibility but there's still a big chance for us... prior to me telling him about his best friend like 20 minutes before he was asking me what I would say if he asked me back out... thats why I'm asking... hes confusing me, he flirts and then he's mean, and then he flirts some more, he keeps asking about things he wants to do with me, I know he's joking around, because that's part of the reason we broke up is too much sexual stuff not enough communication... but I don't know... I told him I wanted to be more than a good time and gave him a lecture and he said that he came back for me not sex. Or something like that... but I don't know... I mean... yesterday after he got done chewin his friend out he told me it was my turn and I told him OK, I deserve, I know I do and he's like never mind, he's like just I don't want you to have any contact with him outside of church... so I deleted him of my myspace and Yahoo messenger...
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Sounds to me like neither one of you have an idea how this is going to play out. The only to solve this is time. If he wants to go back out with you, he will keep calling, and the conversations, we keep getting better. Don't call him anymore though. He did just lose his best friend to, to the girl he really likes/liked(might as well have hit him with a school bus as far as he and his friend is concerned), so give him some time, and don't expect the best outcome.
To be honest, he is the most sickly forgiving person I've ever met if he does take you back. Most people on this site would agree, and would not be as forgiving as far as us guys go, so be fortunate about that in itself. |
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I don't call him, I talk to him on Yahoo messenger, last night we talked about everything with me and him, and I do mean EVERYTHING.
I'm not expecting any outcome really, we were talking about choices, and I told him I made mine, wendsday, and I would wait until he was for sure what he wanted and I was here for him regardless, after all I'm the reason he's mad at his best friend, I told him at first that he should get mad at me, instead of his best friend... I HATE seeing them fight, exspecially over me, like I said I thought that me and my ex were through, I didn't think it would matter what I did with who. But my ex knows me better than most people, he knows how hurt I was, and he guessed at the fact that going near that far wasn't 100% my choice, and that's what really ticked him off... at least that's what I'm picking up on. We don't really talk about that because its such a sore subject. I know that I'm lucky he's even talking to me, I wouldn't blame him for not, I was expecting it, after he got done chewin his best friend he told me its your turn, all I said was go ahead, I desereve it. I apretiate the advice, I wish I could tell the whole story all at once instead of in pieces, but honestly I just want to forget the whole thing with his ex and focus on him... besides that, I'm telling things as they happen, or details that I leave out, or things that I thought were clear but that's probably only because its happening to me... |
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Lets see you break up, have sex with his friend, and now you trying to get back together. There is too much baggage to carry, and too much water under the bridge, and if you can't see how dysfunctional, and unhealthy this whole drama is, you to will never be happy. Get healthy, and I hope you learned a leson for life, and cut this whole situation loose, and start clean, by working on yourself.
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Yeah.. if my ex slept with my best friend... said best friend would be trying to claw his way out of a coffin 6 feet under. But the fact he's talking to you... hmm
Let's say you guys get back together. Then what? He'll never trust you again. He probably never talk to his best friend... you really want that relationship? |
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I see where you both are coming from. I guess the thing is, he's the one trying, and I'm not going to lie, I still love him, and I do want to be with him. I didn't lie to him, I was upfront, I didn't expect him to still be trying, or even talking to me but he is. There is baggage there, not from my ex, he's great; from getting used and pressured into all of that by his best friend. Im still trying to figured everything out, that's why me and my ex are both taking our time in make any major decsions.
He is mad at his best friend but they're talking. He might not trust me like he did, at least not with his best friend, but he will, when we were togather, I never gave him a reason not to trust me. LIke I said we're not jumping back into a relationship, in fact, we're not even sure we'll actually go out again, but we're talking about it, everything that went wrong in our relationship, and basically just everything. Like my bro said, do if you want be slow about it... dont want to rush back into anything... but last night and the night before we spent 2 or 3 hours just talking... |
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getting used and pressured into all of that by his best friend.
I guess the thing is, he's the one trying
You may want back into this unhealthy situation, but that doesn't make it right at all. You're a very good manipulator. |
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A. He's my ex... he was my ex when I slept with his best friend... what do you mean she's not that good
B. I would NEVER EVER EVER intentionally hurt my ex. It breaks my heart to see him hurt. If I knew he still cared, I wouldn't have done it. C. Yes I let him come over, yes I kissed him back, NO I didn't think it would go that far, he told me he wouldn't, he said just a little bit, and I thought that a little bit I could handle, a kiss here and there cuddling sure why not... I wanted someone to talk to... and just be around... not someone to screw... if I wanted that, I'd at least make sure it was one of MY friends that I KNOW would care about whether I wanted to whether I was comfortable, and whether they were hurting me... The blame for trying the relationship out again is his... I was fully willing to back off... I did back off... I hadn't talked to him in three weeks... he started talking to me... And no I am not a manipulator, I've manipulated one thing, instead of lying to him like his friend wanted like my friends told me to, I told him the truth, the only thing I Wasn't honest about, was how hurt by everything I really am... but then again when I talk to my ex... I don't feel so hurt... And as for unhealthy... if we do go back out, at least now we have all the problems we had been having worked out. We've been talking that much... at least now I have the balls to tell him when something's wrong, and at least now he sees what his best friend is all about... so now when his best friend tries to constantly get in the middle, he knows why |
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Leave the best friend out of it, first off... yea, he's a dumb idiot, but the fault still rests with you. Just know that if you somehow, by the grace of god do get back together, it will always loom over you, and have a negative pull in he relationship. I don't even know what more to say because this guy is an anomaly to me... you slept with his best friend, dating or not, is grounds for never talking to you again and dragging you through the dirt on the back of a horse.
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You're right, that's what I said, I wouldn't blame my ex one bit if he did that I'd more than deserve it. I am leaving the best friend out of it, as much as I can. I know that it was my choice I opened the door, and I didn't flat out refuse, I'll admit that, I'm not trying to deny it.
Part of me wonders if this wouldn't be so hard if my ex just hated me like he should, or if he'd yell at me like he was going to... but he doesn't. I think this is partly because this apperntly isn't the first time his friend has done this to him with a girl. Regardless, I apretiate you being honest with me, but I already hate myself enough; I hurt the one person I've ever really loved, 'nough said. Being used, I can handle, but my ex being hurt, knowing that as hurt as he is... hes still showing extreme concern for me is hard, it hurts badly... because I know he's trying to be strong for me. But why he still cares about me at all I can't even fathom... although if I was in his position, I'd probably be doing the same thing he is... only diffrence is there'd be a lot more tears than what he's in... but I'm a chick... We may not get back togather, but I REFUSE to tap-out... thats not my style, exspecially since he's staying around to try to work it out after everything... I have no reason to complain... |
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Okay, so now all he needs is time... the last thing you should do right now is be impatient...
Bottom line is he's trying to work this out in his head, and the last thing he wants is you in there with him clouding his logical judgement over what his heart is saying. I don't want to give you false hope, but the fact that he is even talking to you is a great sign that things may work out. But like I said, don't put all your beans into that one pot... I again, don't want to give you false hope, but I would say the odds are in your favor that he may forgive you and take you back, because like I said, the fact that's he's talking to you at all is huge... By the way, I may have missed it, but how old are you? |
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Almost 18... I know that things may not work out, and I'm not being impatient... well... only when he types slow :)... but I ALWAYS give him crap for that... im waiting because either way things work out, I want him to know that I still care and he can count on me and I'm here for whatever he needs, even if it bugs me personally... the least I can do is thattheres no point in hating each other and bickering when we both go to the same incredibly small school, and the same church... thank you for the advice... I really apretiate it
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