[Tryntobemybest]

I married at 19, pregnant. Was beaten & verbally put down within days. (Marriage was planned before pregnancy happened.) I was scared but thought if I loved him enough, cleaned the house enough, etc. it would get better. He always cried tears after and said he was sorry, it would never happen again. But it did. Had a son & 2nd son a year and a half later. He started cheating around then. At 23 he started to try to get me to sleep with other men, so he could sleep with their wife or girlfriend. (the 70's, but it wasn't Popular in our area!) I wouldn't do it and was beaten for that also. At the age of 24 I left my marriage for another man. Not proud of it, just didn't have courage before he was interested in me. I vowed I'd never cheat again on anyone and I haven't. First husband left country to avoid child support. 2nd husband was not available to be caring for my children after the marriage. We all came from alcoholic families, but didn't drink to excess ourselves. 2nd marriage ended with his children saying it wouldn't have happened if he'd been good to my sons. Pastor said we both needed to start over. Shamefully I say I married again, to another man who had alcoholic dad. This ended when I was told I had a life threating illness & he left. My sons were teens then. Through all of this I was being a mother who did more with her kids than most moms. Outdoor things, roller skating, skiing, picnics. My mom really disliked me and I swore I'd make sure my kids knew I loved them. After meeting his wife, my son told me I hugged too much. He didn't mind, even encouraged it right up until then. So I backed off. Roller coaster years, but when ever he has needed help, financial or with baby sitting, rides for kids to school activities, etc. I've been there for him. Bankrupt this year. I loaned him thousands so he wouldn't lose his house from it. I know it's highly unlikely I'll ever get the money back... I'm on social security disability and have limited resources. I chalked it up to "he will have to work it out with his brother when they divide my estate". His brother says not to worry. He's got better control of his money. But it's been a struggle, I keep feeling disrespected and dumped on. After a recent disagreement his wife told me "He doesn't like you. You cheated on his father and ruined his childhood." I know he also gets upset with me because I am not a good housekeeper. But I help & help at his house, and he helps everyone but me. His friends, their moms, his in-laws. I have kept ignoring it but this Christmas Eve (when I see them, they spend Christmas Day with her parents) it was just the last straw for me. As I left their house I prayed a "thank you God" that I had not lost my cool and said anything or cried while I was there. My gift was one Red Hat scarf. I'd seen it on my granddaughter's bedroom floor a few weeks ago while I was cleaning up her room as I babysat. And there was another scarf, similar but much nicer. After I opened my gift, my dil said "There were three, but she and her girlfriends played with them, and the gf's liked them so much, she just had to give them to them." I felt flabbergassed, but held my cool and said with a smile to my granddaughter "Oh, do you know it's from a club that grandma is in?" It is? She said? I just said yes, it's for women over 50 to get together and have fun at. After that I read the night before Christmas to the younger two, told everyone else good night, Merry Christmas & left. I feel I need to just stop babysitting, giving them money, even for gifts it's in the hundreds... and step out of their life so I don't keep having hurt feelings. Am I being to oversensitive? I have to hurry and put my garbage out! Hope I didn't leave anything out!

[N0help4u]

Hundreds of dollars and they have no appreciation... I'd say you are not being oversensitive--they are not being sensitive at all. I would tell them that you are tired of
Doing all you can for them to only being treated like you are. I would tell them there are two sides to every story and they aren't giving a ****** about your side of the story and it hurts you to have lies and distortions held against you. I would tell them that you have done all you can for them and can't afford to give them any more money.
Kids have a way of growing up seeing only from a child's understanding and often when they grow up if they haven't gotten the other side of the story they hold on to the way they perceived things. Then often when you try to correct the misinformation they don't want to hear it because it shatters everything they understood about their life growing up and then they feel they lived a lie and it is often the easy way out for them to continue living the lie.

I have a feeling that if you weren't there to bail them out they would learn how to come up with money, but right now they most likely feel they can be wasteful with their money because they have mom to bail them out.
You can't continue to be an enabler to them and run yourself into the ground in the process.