[BayB]

I was adopted at the age of 5. (my mom couldn't get pregnant)so they called me the child they never had. At the age of ten my mom got had the baby she's always wanted. HE GETS EVERYTHING he wants. I had to move out because I no longer get ANY positive attention at all.
Me and my mom, our relationship is ruined. I feel like I've been used and then thrown away because someone better came along.
Where do I belong?

[simoneaugie]

How old are you?

[BayB]

How old are you?

Im 17 turning 18 in January.

[450donn]

Me thinks it is time for some counselling to help you with your anger problems.

[Synnen]

Most members of the adoption triad need counseling at one point or another--and I think that would probably be a good option for you.

Contact your local Catholic Charities or Lutheran Social Services, and they may know of free counseling for you, or of a counselor that works on a sliding scale fee system.

Good luck to you.

[BayB]

Most members of the adoption triad need counseling at one point or another--and I think that would probably be a good option for you.

Contact your local Catholic Charities or Lutheran Social Services, and they may know of free counseling for you, or of a counselor that works on a sliding scale fee system.

Good luck to you.

Its not that I need counceling, and I don't have anger issues.
It just hurts... and I don't know where I fit in.

[Fr_Chuck]

No, your adopted mother ( mother) should be informed and told of her actions and how you feel, you and her and the family need group counseling to work this out

[oneguyinohio]

Your feelings of your adopted mom might be totally accurate. There may be a different feeling on your mom's part between her adopted and biological children. I do not know, without hearing from her, so I don't want to say that is positively the reason.

As for the counseling... if you are hurting, not because of issues.

Have you talked with your mom about it? Maybe she is feeling that as you grow up, you are no longer needing her? Therefore, she might feel like the same as you as far as not being wanted.

I don't know much about the situation, or who did what... but if you can focus more on where you want to go in the future instead of what you don't have right now, it might help to have a plan of where you are going?

Are the things you do, things that they approve of... or does that create problems?

[BayB]

Your feelings of your adopted mom might be totally accurate. There may be a different feeling on your mom's part between her adopted and biological children. I do not know, without hearing from her, so I dont want to say that is positively the reason.

As for the counseling... if you are hurting, not because of issues.

Have you talked with your mom about it? Maybe she is feeling that as you grow up, you are no longer needing her? Therefore, she might feel like the same as you as far as not being wanted.

I dont know much about the situation, or who did what... but if you can focus more on where you want to go in the future instead of what you dont have right now, it might help to have a plan of where you are going?

Are the things you do, things that they approve of... or does that create problems?

Ok I talked to her with a very open mind and she poenly admitted that gabe was her favorite child and she will spoil him and treat him better because he is better.
What am I sopposed to say to that?

[oneguyinohio]

Better in what way? Did you ask her if it was because you were adopted and he was not?
I have to hope that she was referring to his youthfulness or something, but if it is the case that she somehow considers you less because you were adopted, I hope you will reallize her bias due to being genetically related out of her womb etc... but do not take it as the truth.

No one is better than another, even though people will treat you that way sometimes. At your age, maybe you can begin focusing on what you want to do with your life, and developing your dreams... if she is not treating you equally, it is not a reflection on you, only on her.

Has she had more problems with you as a teen ager, compared to your younger brother? I mean, have you gotten into trouble or anything?

I still think that an adoption support group or counseling to help people with similar situations would be a good idea to help understand what is going on. Not that you are in the wrong, but to discuss the feelings.

[simoneaugie]

I prefer the company of my 10-year-old to that of my 18-year-old. They are both my natural children but had different dads. The older one is independent and likes to make her own decisions, do her own thing. She ignores me and I resent that, but the resentment is mine. I take responsibility for it.

Adopted or not, I would never tell either of my kids that one is better than the other. They are two different people. They both have immeasurable value. You are a person. You deserve the love and respect of your adoptive parents. If your mom is treating you badly, it's her loss. Just make the best of it and hope that she will change her mind later.

Where do you belong? Somewhere in the race of human beings, like all the rest of us. She has certainly taught you what not to do. Value that lesson and stop it with her. Refuse to carry the resentment forward to the next generation. Doing that, may take counselling.

[N0help4u]

That is horrible. To me that shows that she wanted you to fulfill her self needs rather than desiring to help a kid that was in need of love. She may have a love for you, but for her to have that attitude it must be hard on you because a child should always be loved no matter the age. I tell my kids I will still be loving them when THEY turn 99 years old.
She may feel that you are old enough to take care of yourself now but she still shouldn't treat you like a throw away item.

At least you are 17 and almost old enough to start a life of your own with or without her or her support.