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EnglishRose · Dec 17, 2007, 09:12 AM

4 years ago I met a guy I was crazy about. The chemistry between us was electric. He felt it too, but he had a girl friend and all 3 of us worked together. He said he was going to break it off with her nicely, because it would be hard to without giving her a reason and then we were going to wait a little while and get together. But a week or so later they were still together and I was getting a little tired of having to see them together. I asked his best friend for advice and he said I was just one of many to this guy and he would just string me along. The best friend seemed sweet and I began to get on really well with him. I asked the first guy (Nick) when he was going to break up with Laura and he said 'why do you care, your with John (the best friend) now'. So I eneded up getting together with John. Nick did break up with Laura but was so cold towards me we were barely friends. He then got with another girl called Lisa, who he told me was the love of his life, that no woman had ever compared. Obviously I was crushed but not going to admit it. I got on with my relationship with John which lasted 2 years.
4 years on I get a message online from Nick. It turns out he married Lisa but works away from home. He decideds to tell me that he had been really into me all those years ago and had been devastated that I had gone off with his best friend. As we talked it had turned out that his friend had lied to us both (a habit I had discovered by this point) and that we are even more alike than we were all that time ago. Even in instant messages we both felt the spark between us. I asked him about LIsa and he said he rushed things with her because I hurt him. She became pregnant so they married but now they are verging on divorce. He said he is only there for their little girl. He asked if one day, when he is not married if there was any chance of us. Obviously I don't want to break up his marriage, and even if he did get a divorce I don't want to be the rebound so what do I do?
Do I stay in touch and try and keep it friendly? The problem is I think about him all the time. Or do I cut him off again and risk losing him forever? I have never felt the chemisty I have with him for anyone else.

mafiaangel180 · Dec 17, 2007, 09:41 AM

I would cut off all contact. This way you know that the divorce (if it even happens) was because he genuinely didn't love her or want to be with her.

George_1950 · Dec 17, 2007, 10:06 AM

Nick likes yo-yo's. He can handle at least two at a time, but maybe more; who knows? He is married, right? What you need are actions, not words. How about, "Nick, write you his autobiograpy over the last four years and don't leave out anything; include a copy of all his marriage certificates, kid's birth certificates, divorces, other court procedings, and a copy of his credit reports." Once you have this material, take a weekend off, out of town w/o Nick, and read it very carefully. Then, you can decide.

talaniman · Dec 17, 2007, 12:33 PM

At the risk of being rude, I think you are crazy to entertain any thoughs of having anything to do with him, and can't believe you would fall for his smooth lines after all this time. Get a healthy man with morals, and who is honest. AND SINGLE.

Whatever happened to the guy you were to marry in a year, you know the one you thought you were pregnant by??

oneguyinohio · Dec 17, 2007, 12:51 PM

I would tell this guy to make his decision without you. You shouldn't tell him either way if you would or would not be with him, so that it is totally his decision either way and not based on any promises you offer...

As far as his treatment of women, to be used as pawns when you are feeling hurt, and disposed of when the desire has passed... that is as bad as John's lies.

If you want to believe that it was John who lied and caused all of this stuff... you may be half right. Maybe John is the fast talking manipulator,, but Nick has some issues as well, and shouldn't be trying to rekindle any old or new relationships while he is already in one... didn't any lesson get through from the first time when he was with Laura and did the same thing??

Fr_Chuck · Dec 17, 2007, 03:25 PM

Cut it off, you don't need the trouble and problem

Morphius · Dec 22, 2007, 04:05 PM

Whilst chemistry is a good thing, it can cloud reality and make us impulsive. It sounds to me as though this Nick chap likes to 'spark' with many girls and dare I say... tell girls what they want to hear? If he can say these things to you on two separate occasions whilst with other women, what's to stop becoming just the next Laura or Lisa?

My advice? Cut him off

peggyhill · Dec 22, 2007, 04:49 PM

Well, based on his track record, I would break it off. He has no right to ask you if you would be interested in him if he left his wife. It's a hypothetical question and since he isn't divorced yet, he has no business asking. It's not fair to you or his wife. It sounds to me like he is still playing the field. Sorry things didn't work out with John, but I think you need to let Nick go too. No need for you to get hurt again.