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emilxox05 · Dec 13, 2007, 03:54 PM

Where to begin... well, I dated a guy for 11 months and 3 weeks (I say it like that because it was ONE week shy of a year.) I'll refer to him as "M" I was convinced that I'd spend forever with him. He was my first serious boyfriend and I felt like he was all I'd ever need. Whenever I thought about him, my stomach got full of butterflies. We often talked about the future together, etc. We were both young at the time 17/18, so of course some level of immaturity was to be expected. I'm embarrassed to admit that I'd get upset if he didn't text me back right away... but things worked both ways. I could be moody sometimes, and I surely said things that I now regret but I apologized time and time again. But he always was choosing tiny things to pick on me about. For instance, I went to a pool with my cousin and the whole time I was there "M" kept texting me and threatening me that if I didn't leave that he was going to break up with me. I am shy and believe me, I'm not a flirt. I simply went to the pool to enjoy my first day of summer vacation while "M" was in school. (I was a Senior and "M" was a Junior, and the Seniors out of school a few days sooner than Underclassmen.) Anyway... I gave in and came home. This is the first of many times that I'd given up things for him. However, "M" never gave up anything for me. He wouldn't even miss optional basketball conditioning so that he could spend the day with me for my birthday. I got over that, though and realized that maybe I was just being too demanding. So, everything was going great for awhile, but then "M" would just randomly send me text messages in the middle of the night saying, "I can't be with you anymore...don't come over to my house, don't talk to me anymore." I DID NOTHING to deserve these messages. I'd ask him what time he had basketball practice the next day and apparently that was an upsetting question.. Anyway... he has family who lives a few states away from us and I tagged along twice to go and visit them with him. I got EXTREMELY close with his family and I felt like I fit in perfectly. After summer ended and "M" was getting ready to start his Senior year of high school, I explained it to him that I'd be understanding if he wanted to go out for wings with the guys or play hockey after school some nights. No, I didn't want to get rid of him, I just wanted him to know that I would be understanding if he wanted to spend time with his friends sometimes so that he could "live up" his Senior year. I explained to him that I would have no hard feelings if he didn't come over one or two nights a week so that he could hang out with the guys on his basketball team and enjoy himself. (I did this because I had no Senior year to speak of... if I wanted to do anything that didn't involve him he had a FIT!) He agreed that I had a good idea. We dated for the first week of his Senior year... then he told me that he "needed a break and that we wouldn't be a normal couple if we didn't have a break." I was thinking to myself, "ANOTHER break!?" But, I figured that when you love someone you'll do whatever it takes to make them happy, so I consented to a short break. About a week later he told me that he couldn't be without me, so of course we got back together. Everything was perfect for the next two weeks. Then, we had planned to go to a local amusement park together. On the day we were supposed to go my cousin called me early to ask if we wanted to meet her & her boyfriend there. I didn't agree to anything until I got "M's" opinion. He FLIPPED OUT and refused to go... just because I asked what he thought about meeting up with them... I didn't push the issue or anything--I told him it was fine if we didn't meet up with them and that I'd be perfectly fine spending the night with only him just like we'd originally planned. He wouldn't listen to a word I said... he refused to go to the amusement park and stormed out of my house. We've been broken up ever since... no joke! We've hung out about 4 times since then. I'd say that 2 times he was as sweet as could be and he insisted that he wanted to be with me and that he was sure we'd get back together very soon. The other 2 times he insulted me and put me down. I just can't "read" him and tell what his actions mean. During one of the times we hung out together after we broke up he said to me "You never did anything for me anyways...and I did so much for you." I failed a final so that I could attend a funeral with him, I paid almost every time we went out to dinner, and I even went to every single one of his basketball games and kept the stats/score for his team. Those are just minimal things, to name a few. Then he had the nerve to say that I never did anything for him.. I just can't figure out what he did for me that was so great. For example, if I asked him if we could go and get ice cream he'd always reply with, "What do you think I am, an ATM machine?" Now I feel guilty over his comment and I wonder if I was just too demanding?

It's been almost 3 months since we broke up, and I still find myself thinking about him very often--too often, in fact. Basically he's on my mind from the second I wake up until the second I fall asleep at night. The fact that the holidays are right around the corner doesn't help, in fact, it makes it that much harder to deal with.

I've talked to a few other guys, but I'm just not interested in anyone but him. Obviously he doesn't feel the same way--he has a new girlfriend who is a year younger than him in school.

Yesterday I was having sort of a hard time and my mom said, "Don't worry...I don't think he'll be with this new girl for very long. I don't think you guys are done yet. I honestly think you'll end up together." Little does she know that this statement did more harm than good because now I'm DEFINITELY afraid to get over him, for fear that he would show interest in me again.

Some people I've talked to keep telling me that you never really get over your first love... wow, now that's enough to discourage me!

Is it normal that I'm STILL so hurt and upset after this breakup? Should I try to win him back, or should I let him go? How do I get over him? I'm so afraid that no other guy will ever make me feel the way that he did! It was that "can't eat, can't sleep" because you're too excited type of feeling... and I sure do miss it! Another thing... I kept all the notes, pictures, scrapbooks, stuffed animals, etc... just can't find it in myself to get rid of them!

Outside opinions, I feel, would really be of great help. Thanks in advance!

Rockstar714 · Dec 13, 2007, 04:43 PM

Its normal that you are upset and that you still think about him. I was with my first boyfriend for 1 year and 3 days. We broke up because he cheated, but he did a lot of the same things and made me feel similar to how you felt. It took me well over a year to get over him. Not because I wanted him back, but because I was hurt. I had just turned 21, he told me I couldn't go out with my friends because he didn't drink, so I shouldn't. But then, he went out with his friends to bars and wouldn't include me. He'd stay out until all hours of the night. Wouldn't text or call me for days, only expected me to call him. I'd ask him what he was doing the next day, or where he'd be and he's get all mad, call me stupid, things like that. And in the end, he picked the other girl while swearing up and down that he loved me.

When you give yourself so much to someone and they move on and you haven't, it hurts. Plain and simple. You gave all your time and energy, bending over backwards to please him, and for what? For him to get mad when over stupid things.

I think you should try to move on. He's making you feel like this now and when you were together, imagine what would happen if you got married, it would really only get worse. Find someone that treats you for the princess (for lack of a better term) that you are. If you decide that you really want to win him back, don't seem too needy or desperate. Don't call him, just go about your life, then he'll see what he's missing.

shygrneyzs · Dec 13, 2007, 04:45 PM

I just to tell you that what you are feeling is completely normal. From what you have said about him, no, I would not try to get back with him. He was not fair to you and was very self centered. Not good material for a long term relationship as he would not likely change.

How to get yourself over him? There have been some great posts on break-ups and managing break-ups. Advice from many members who have been in your situation and how they have managed to get back on track. I will list the archived posts below here.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...kup-78597.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-123862.html

Wishing you the very best. Two good words to remember: No Contact. You will understand once you have read through some of the posts.

enjay22 · Dec 13, 2007, 04:50 PM

Wow.
Well, let me just say. I WAS in the Same POSITION. Actually, I AM in the same position.
I know every ache, and pain of your story.

I think what we need to do, is try. Try to just move on. Doesn't that just sound pathetic though? I mean... were in love with these guys, who now have girlfriends, but who we know still love us. What do we do?
My mom tells me.. " the heart ALWAYS wins over the mind.."
So, I'm thinking were just going to have to hope that his heart will lead back to us, and his mind will just have to listen.

&& of course, we know, as soon as they break up.. cause believe me they will. Right? We thought that we were going to be together for EVER. And we broke up with them. So, I'm sure that their relationships will end too.
We know they'll want us back after they break up.
But... how long will we stay together this time? Just long enough for them to find another girl.. break up with us... and be with them.
We CANNOT be their SAFETY NETS. Even though. No matter how much advice we get/give.
We always will be.
Why?
Because...
We love them.

Ug. Sucks.

life1973happened · Dec 13, 2007, 05:56 PM

Originally Posted by emilxox05

Where to begin...well, I dated a guy for 11 months and 3 weeks (I say it like that because it was ONE week shy of a year.) I'll refer to him as "M" I was convinced that I'd spend forever with him. He was my first serious boyfriend and I felt like he was all I'd ever need. Whenever I thought about him, my stomach got full of butterflies. We often talked about the future together, etc. We were both young at the time 17/18, so of course some level of immaturity was to be expected. I'm embarassed to admit that I'd get upset if he didn't text me back right away...but things worked both ways. For instance, I went to a pool with my cousin and the whole time I was there "M" kept texting me and threatening me that if I didn't leave that he was going to break up with me. I am shy and believe me, I'm not a flirt. I simply went to the pool to enjoy my first day of summer vacation while "M" was in school. (I was a Senior and "M" was a Junior, and the Seniors out of school a few days sooner than Underclassmen.) Anyways...I gave in and came home. This is the first of many times that I'd given up things for him. However, "M" never gave up anything for me. He wouldn't even miss optional basketball conditioning so that he could spend the day with me for my birthday. I got over that, though and realized that maybe I was just being too demanding. So, everything was going great for awhile, but then "M" would just randomly send me text messages in the middle of the night saying, "I can't be with you anymore...don't come over to my house, don't talk to me anymore." I DID NOTHING to deserve these messages. I'd ask him what time he had basketball practice the next day and apparently that was an upsetting question...? Anyways...he has family who lives a few states away from us and I tagged along twice to go and visit them with him. I got EXTREMELY close with his family and I felt like I fit in perfectly. After summer ended and "M" was getting ready to start his Senior year of high school, I explained it to him that I'd be understanding if he wanted to go out for wings with the guys or play hockey after school some nights. No, I didn't want to get rid of him, I just wanted him to know that I would be understanding if he wanted to spend time with his friends sometimes so that he could "live up" his Senior year. I explained to him that I would have no hard feelings if he didn't come over one or two nights a week so that he could hang out with the guys on his basketball team and enjoy himself. (I did this because I had no Senior year to speak of...if I wanted to do anything that didn't involve him he had a FIT!) He agreed that I had a good idea. We dated for the first week of his Senior year...then he told me that he "needed a break and that we wouldn't be a normal couple if we didn't have a break." I was thinking to myself, "ANOTHER break!?" But, I figured that when you love someone you'll do whatever it takes to make them happy, so I consented to a short break. About a week later he told me that he couldn't be without me, so of course we got back together. Everything was perfect for the next two weeks. Then, we had planned to go to a local amusement park together. On the day we were supposed to go my cousin called me early to ask if we wanted to meet her & her boyfriend there. I didn't agree to anything until I got "M's" opinion. He FLIPPED OUT and refused to go...just because I asked what he thought about meeting up with them...I didn't push the issue or anything--I told him it was fine if we didn't meet up with them and that I'd be perfectly fine spending the night with only him just like we'd originally planned. He wouldn't listed to a word I said...he refused to go to the amusement park and stormed out of my house. We've been broken up ever since...no joke! We've hung out about 4 times since then. I'd say that 2 times he was as sweet as could be and he insisted that he wanted to be with me and that he was sure we'd get back together very soon. The other 2 times he insulted me and put me down. I just can't "read" him and tell what his actions mean.

It's been almost 3 months since we broke up, and I still find myself thinking about him very often. I've talked to a few other guys, but I'm just not interested in anyone but him. Obviously he doesn't feel the same way--he has a new girlfriend who is a year younger than him in school.

Yesterday I was having sort of a hard time and my mom said, "Don't worry...I don't think he'll be with this new girl for very long. I don't think you guys are done yet. I honestly think you'll end up together." Little does she know that this statement did more harm than good because now I'm DEFINITELY afraid to get over him, for fear that he would show interest in me again.

Is it normal that I'm still so hurt and upset after this breakup? Should I try to win him back, or should I let him go? How do I get over him?

Outside opinions, I feel, would really be of great help. Thanks in advance!

Hello to a very heart broken girl...
Though I am (only) 34 years old, which probably sounds ancient to you, and that's okay because are days I feel it.

I have come to know one fact that cannot be disputed, and that is simply that we have all experienced heartbreak. Some just worse than others. Before my fathers death and right after my divorce. He said to me that since I was young he knew I would always be okay. Think about that for a second. Regardless, of what we have to deal with at different times in our lives, we will always be okay. That day he reminded me of that and you know what? He was right. I pass that advice on to you, you will make it through this and you will be okay.

You can't ask yourself what to do in regards to getting him back, or letting him go. That will happen regardless, in it's own time. You have to be very careful. As women, when we deal with rejection, pain and all that comes with a break-up and it does a lot of damage. One of which can cause the biggest scar;low self esteem. For know good reason. And worse it sneaks up on you. Don't let that happen to you.

I don't know the details of this young man and none of us do nor does it matter. What we do know is your pain is real. Continue to reach out and don't do what I did and hide the pain away because it feels more important to be stronger. When you feel like crying, cry. When you feel like yelling, grab your pillow and let it all out. In due time those episodes will begin to become less and less. And one day, without realizing it the sun begins to come out again.

I know you must be scared, alone, lost and very sad. So many of us have been there. Just look around and that's all the hope you need. All of us, still standing, still okay and willing to reach out to you, as you will one day do to another.

Just remember, one day there will be somebody out there, glad you got through this and survived this, and you will.

Smile, you never know who's looking and falling in love with it.

Kristin

talaniman · Dec 13, 2007, 08:00 PM

Your feelings now are so normal after that first break up, but I have to say that relationship was so unequal, for all the emotion you had, he was selfish and controlling. You deserve better. I will let you in on a little secret. That first love for all those intense feelings, will not be the best love. You will move on, and find fellows who will give you the love you deserve. Be patient and heal, for now.

emilxox05 · Dec 21, 2007, 08:05 PM

Wow, where to begin... well, I dated a guy for 11 months and 3 weeks (I say it like that because it was ONE week shy of a year.) I'll refer to him as "M." I was convinced that I'd spend forever with him. He was my first serious boyfriend and I felt like he was all I'd ever need. Whenever I thought about him, my stomach got full of butterflies. We often talked about the future together, etc. We are both 18, so of course some level of immaturity was to be expected.

I'm embarrassed to admit that I'd get upset if he didn't text me back right away... but things worked both ways. I could be moody sometimes, and I surely said things that I now regret but I apologized time and time again. But he always was choosing tiny things to pick on me about.

For instance, I went to a pool with my cousin and the whole time I was there "M" kept texting me and threatening me that if I didn't leave that he was going to break up with me. I am shy and believe me, I'm not a flirt. I simply went to the pool to enjoy my first day of summer vacation while "M" was in school. (I was a Senior and "M" was a Junior, and the Seniors out of school a few days sooner than Underclassmen.) Anyway... I gave in and came home. This is the first of many times that I'd given up things for him. However, "M" never gave up anything for me. He wouldn't even miss optional basketball conditioning so that he could spend the day with me for my birthday. I got over that, though and realized that maybe I was just asking for too much.

So, everything was going great for awhile, but then "M" would just randomly send me text messages in the middle of the night saying, "I can't lie. I don't love you anymore...don't come over to my house, don't talk to me anymore. We're done." Of course I would get all upset. This had to have happened AT LEAST 10 times. I DID NOTHING to deserve these messages.

Anyway, some of his family lives a few states away from us and I tagged along twice to go and visit them with him. I got EXTREMELY close with his family and I felt like I fit in perfectly.

After summer ended and "M" was getting ready to start his Senior year of high school, I explained it to him that I would be understanding if he wanted to spend time with his friends sometimes so that he could "live up" his Senior year. I explained to him that I would have no hard feelings if he didn't come over a few nights a week or whatever so that he could hang out with the guys on his basketball team and enjoy himself. (I did this because I had no Senior year to speak of... if I wanted to do anything that didn't involve him he had a FIT!) No, I didn't want to get rid of him, I just didn't want him to feel like I was controlling him. He agreed that I had a good idea.

We dated for the first week of his Senior year... then he told me that he "needed a break and that we wouldn't be a normal couple if we didn't have a break." I was thinking to myself, "ANOTHER break!?" But, I figured that when you love someone you'll do whatever it takes to make them happy, so I consented to a short break.

About a week later he told me that he couldn't be without me, so of course we got back together. Everything was perfect for the next two weeks. Then, we had planned to go to a local amusement park together. The day we were supposed to go a friend called to ask if we wanted to meet her & her boyfriend there. I didn't agree to anything until I got "M's" opinion. He FLIPPED OUT and refused to go... just because I asked what he thought about meeting up with them... I didn't push the issue or anything--I told him it was fine if we didn't meet up with them and that I'd be perfectly fine spending time with only him just like we'd originally planned. He wouldn't listen to a word I said... he refused to go to the amusement park and stormed out of my house. We've been broken up ever since... no joke!

We've hung out about 4 times since then. I'd say that 2 times he was as sweet as could be and he insisted that he wanted to be with me and that he was sure we'd get back together very soon. The other 2 times he insulted me and put me down. I just can't "read" him and tell what his actions mean. During one of the times we hung out together after we broke up he said to me, "You never did anything for me anyways...and I did so much for you." I failed my math final so that I could attend a funeral with him, I paid almost every time we went out to dinner, and I even went to every single one of his basketball games and kept the stats/score for his team. Those are just very small things, to name a few. Meanwhile, if I asked him if we could go and get ice cream he'd always reply with, "What do you think I am, an ATM machine?" Now I feel guilty over his comment and I wonder if I was just too demanding..

It's been almost 3 months since we broke up, and I still find myself thinking about him very often--too often, in fact. Basically he's always on my mind.

I've talked to a few other guys, but I'm just not interested in anyone but him. Obviously he doesn't feel the same way--he has a new girlfriend and I guess he really likes her... he's met her parents and stuff like that, so I'm assuming that they're pretty serious.

Recently I was having a hard time and my mom said, "Don't worry...I don't think he'll be with this new girl for very long. I don't think you guys are done yet. I honestly think you'll end up together." Little does she know that this statement did more harm than good because now I'm DEFINITELY afraid to move on, for fear that he would show interest in me again.

Some people I've talked to keep telling me that you never really get over your first love... wow, that's harsh!

--Is it normal that I'm STILL so hurt and upset after this breakup?
--Should I try to win him back, or should I let him go?
--How do I get over him?
--I kept all the notes, pictures, scrapbooks, etc. How do I possibly get rid of them?

Outside opinions, I feel, would really be of great help. Thanks sooo much in advance!

Fr_Chuck · Dec 21, 2007, 08:16 PM

Actually you never forget your first love, but you do get over and move on. I remember mine today as if it was yesterday. Would I ever want to go back to it, of course not, but I remember the good, That is the main part, move on and time will take away the hurt if you don't dwell on it.
And with time you can learn from the hurt and learn to remember the good.

jrebel7 · Dec 21, 2007, 09:08 PM

E, be good to yourself. Move on. I too, remember my first love but changes come all through life. My "first love" sent me a telegram (the olden days!! LOL) the morning of my wedding, pleading with me not to get married, that he wanted to marry me. You don't forget things like that but one must move on. The hurt you feel is normal so don't beat yourself up over it. He sounds explosive and impulsive. You sound like a person who is sensitive, giving and know how to give respect. You said you are shy so I realize you might have a more difficult time moving on quickly but my suggestion would be to just start dating. That will be a first step away from him and you will feel emotionally healthier for doing that I believe. You don't have to date someone exclusively just date and enjoy your dating years.

George_1950 · Dec 21, 2007, 09:20 PM

Is it normal that I'm STILL so hurt and upset after this breakup?
Yes, but it seems to me that guys have a bigger problem with this than gals.

Should I try to win him back, or should I let him go?
You need to develop coping strategies so that time can pass while the heart heals and grows. Have you seen Talaniman's signature? Check it out.

How do I get over him?
Coping strategies and time will heal you.

I kept all the notes, pictures, scrapbooks, stuffed animals, etc... just can't find it in myself to get rid of them!
Just put them away, maybe in a box or closet.

"You sound like a person who is sensitive, giving and know how to give respect." Quite a compliment from jrebel7. There are lots of nice guys looking for an angel. You will be fine.

talaniman · Dec 22, 2007, 07:48 PM

Is it normal that I'm STILL so hurt and upset after this breakup?
YES
--Should I try to win him back, or should I let him go?
LET HIM GO.
--How do I get over him?
BY GIVING YOURSELF TIME TO HEAL, ACCEPT IT IS OVER, AND LOVING YOURSELF ENOUGH TO DO THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY, SEE MY SIGNATURE FOR SOME GOOD INSIGHTS
--I kept all the notes, pictures, scrapbooks, etc. How do I possibly get rid of them?
YOU DON'T, SIMPLY PUT THEM AWAY, AND LEAVE THEM FOR THE FAR FUTURE, WHEN YOU HAVE MOVED ON.

By the way duplicating a post, with the same question is so confusing.

emilxox05 · Dec 22, 2007, 08:42 PM

Then don't answer it... I reposted it under a different title because my other question wasn't getting many answers and I'm not very experienced on this website... chill outtt.

Jiser · Dec 22, 2007, 08:48 PM

--Is it normal that I'm STILL so hurt and upset after this breakup?
Yes

--Should I try to win him back, or should I let him go?
Let him go there are going to be plenty more. Your just a backup plan for him now, have some SELF RESPECT for yourself!!

--How do I get over him?
Read the top stickys. Stay busy and go no contact.

--I kept all the notes, pictures, scrapbooks, etc. How do I possibly get rid of them?
You could have a burning party with friends. Though the best possible way? Put them in a box somewhere away. A place where you will not look, out of sight.

I still remember trips away camping when I was 5 years old. I have been camping hundreds of times since then ( bit of a camper). I doubt him or you will forget each other. My mum still remembers her first boyfriend and she is in her 50's. People come and go but we learn from the past and use our knowledge to pass on to others and to use it yourself in future relationships.

Do not regret, but forgive and move on. Leave the guy alone and get your own life. No contact is the best thing for you.

emilxox05 · Jan 3, 2008, 09:45 AM

Hi there! I recently posted the following about a tough breakup I've been dealing with:

Wow, where to begin... well, I dated a guy for 11 months and 3 weeks (I say it like that because it was ONE week shy of a year.) I'll refer to him as "M." I was convinced that I'd spend forever with him. He was my first serious boyfriend and I felt like he was all I'd ever need. Whenever I thought about him, my stomach got full of butterflies. We often talked about the future together, etc. We are both 18, so of course some level of immaturity was to be expected.

I'm embarrassed to admit that I'd get upset if he didn't text me back right away... but things worked both ways. I could be moody sometimes, and I surely said things that I now regret but I apologized time and time again. But he always was choosing tiny things to pick on me about.

For instance, I went to a pool with my cousin and the whole time I was there "M" kept texting me and threatening me that if I didn't leave that he was going to break up with me. I am shy and believe me, I'm not a flirt. I simply went to the pool to enjoy my first day of summer vacation while "M" was in school. (I was a Senior and "M" was a Junior, and the Seniors out of school a few days sooner than Underclassmen.) Anyway... I gave in and came home. This is the first of many times that I'd given up things for him. However, "M" never gave up anything for me. He wouldn't even miss optional basketball conditioning so that he could spend the day with me for my birthday. I got over that, though and realized that maybe I was just asking for too much.

So, everything was going great for awhile, but then "M" would just randomly send me text messages in the middle of the night saying, "I can't lie. I don't love you anymore...don't come over to my house, don't talk to me anymore. We're done." Of course I would get all upset. This had to have happened AT LEAST 10 times. I DID NOTHING to deserve these messages.

Anyway, some of his family lives a few states away from us and I tagged along twice to go and visit them with him. I got EXTREMELY close with his family and I felt like I fit in perfectly.

After summer ended and "M" was getting ready to start his Senior year of high school, I explained it to him that I would be understanding if he wanted to spend time with his friends sometimes so that he could "live up" his Senior year. I explained to him that I would have no hard feelings if he didn't come over a few nights a week or whatever so that he could hang out with the guys on his basketball team and enjoy himself. (I did this because I had no Senior year to speak of... if I wanted to do anything that didn't involve him he had a FIT!) No, I didn't want to get rid of him, I just didn't want him to feel like I was controlling him. He agreed that I had a good idea.

We dated for the first week of his Senior year... then he told me that he "needed a break and that we wouldn't be a normal couple if we didn't have a break." I was thinking to myself, "ANOTHER break!?" But, I figured that when you love someone you'll do whatever it takes to make them happy, so I consented to a short break.

About a week later he told me that he couldn't be without me, so of course we got back together. Everything was perfect for the next two weeks. Then, we had planned to go to a local amusement park together. The day we were supposed to go a friend called to ask if we wanted to meet her & her boyfriend there. I didn't agree to anything until I got "M's" opinion. He FLIPPED OUT and refused to go... just because I asked what he thought about meeting up with them... I didn't push the issue or anything--I told him it was fine if we didn't meet up with them and that I'd be perfectly fine spending time with only him just like we'd originally planned. He wouldn't listen to a word I said... he refused to go to the amusement park and stormed out of my house. We've been broken up ever since... no joke!

We've hung out about 4 times since then. I'd say that 2 times he was as sweet as could be and he insisted that he wanted to be with me and that he was sure we'd get back together very soon. The other 2 times he insulted me and put me down. I just can't "read" him and tell what his actions mean. During one of the times we hung out together after we broke up he said to me, "You never did anything for me anyways...and I did so much for you." I failed my math final so that I could attend a funeral with him, I paid almost every time we went out to dinner, and I even went to every single one of his basketball games and kept the stats/score for his team. Those are just very small things, to name a few. Meanwhile, if I asked him if we could go and get ice cream he'd always reply with, "What do you think I am, an ATM machine?" Now I feel guilty over his comment and I wonder if I was just too demanding..

It's been almost 3 months since we broke up, and I still find myself thinking about him very often--too often, in fact. Basically he's always on my mind.

I've talked to a few other guys, but I'm just not interested in anyone but him. Obviously he doesn't feel the same way--he has a new girlfriend and I guess he really likes her... he's met her parents and stuff like that, so I'm assuming that they're pretty serious.

Recently I was having a hard time and my mom said, "Don't worry...I don't think he'll be with this new girl for very long. I don't think you guys are done yet. I honestly think you'll end up together." Little does she know that this statement did more harm than good because now I'm DEFINITELY afraid to move on, for fear that he would show interest in me again.

Some people I've talked to keep telling me that you never really get over your first love... wow, that's harsh!

--Is it normal that I'm STILL so hurt and upset after this breakup?
--Should I try to win him back, or should I let him go?
--How do I get over him?
--I kept all the notes, pictures, scrapbooks, etc. How do I possibly get rid of them?

Outside opinions, I feel, would really be of great help. Thanks sooo much in advance!

Now... my ex is trying to contact me on AOL, Facebook, and MySpace. I talked to him last night for about an hour, but I really don't know if that was the right thing to do or not... suggestions, please!

talaniman · Jan 3, 2008, 10:26 AM

You haven't taken the suggestions given to you already, so what more are you looking for?? You already know what you need to do. Just do it.

Ash123 · Jan 3, 2008, 10:36 AM

Wait, I'm confused. It was clearly according to this quote and text (see below).

"So, everything was going great for awhile, but then "M" would just randomly send me text messages in the middle of the night saying, "I can't lie. I don't love you anymore...don't come over to my house, don't talk to me anymore. We're done." Of course I would get all upset. This had to have happened AT LEAST 10 times. I DID NOTHING to deserve these messages."

10 times??!!!!

Why did you continue? Because he later said "he couldn't be without you" (? )

Look, he's a young guy. You are a young girl... And anything goes at your age, BUT I'd say what he says in the middle of the night (and many more times) are words I would go with.

Walk away and see what else life has in store. If you are really meant to be together (which I do not think is likely)
You will only know after you have been apart and tried new life experiences - for at least a year or two or more... There is NO need to wait around and WONDER. NONE.

Fly! Be Free!

ISneezeFunny · Jan 3, 2008, 10:43 AM

... you need to get rid of this @sshole. What a d-bag. There're plenty of guys out there that are FAR better and are willing to love you unconditionally... and NOT put you down no matter what. In fact, guys you should be with will make you a better person, not feel like crap half the time.

Ash123 · Jan 3, 2008, 12:49 PM

PS - Ask yourself a few questions from here about your relationship:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...bt-166433.html