[Avasean]

My husband and I just got married last weekend... Dec. 8, 2007. We had been living together for almost 7 months before getting married. Neither of us feel any different. We are wondering if it is a good thing or a bad thing that we don't feel differently. I mean, everyone has always told us that after marriage, everything changes. We have always thought of ourselves as being married, so that might have something to do with it.

Basically, what I am asking is...
"Should we feel any different? Is it a bad thing that we don't?"

[mrsjstevens]

After a week, the only thing should be a giddiness about signing a different name. If you've already been living together for seven months, you don't have to deal with the moving in together and learning that you sweet hubby throws his stinky socks on the couch after work or (ugh!) he leaves the toothpaste cap OFF! Subtle things will change. But if your already paying bills together, having sex when you want it, listening to him snore a three a.m. and all that good stuff, there's not much that's going to change yet. However, as time goes by, those things that he thinks is cute when you do it will lose their charm and you'll want to burn those socks and will probably do so at least once. Fights seem more important. However, there is the pressure of how important? You can't just break up with him because he embarrassed you at the mall anymore. You lose the leverage of 'my way or the highway' you take more because your not sure exactly where the line is when you should ask for a divorce. (this line is obvious: cheating, turning gay, sexual abuse, hitting, and anything -once you have kids- that endangers your kids.) this is my long round-a-bout way of saying there will be changes. You just missed the most drastic, noticeable ones because you had already made the first steps of being married. There is always the pleasure of being introduced as "my wife, Mrs. soandso" to look forward to.

[Tuscany]

I lived with my husband for 2 years before we got married and afterwards everyone said the same thing to us. However, we never felt any different. We used to answer that "everything changes" statement with- 2 things have changed my last name and the fact that we both got nice shiny new rings. Other then that everything has stayed the same. He wakes up on the same side of the bed every morning, we say I love you every night, and he still leaves the toilet seat up. Don't worry!!

When I went back to teaching and became "Mrs. ____" everyday, then I felt a personal change.

[Avasean]

Thanks y'all. Tuscany, the 2 responses to "everything changes"... are the same for us. In fact, we have already said that to a couple of people. MrsJStevens, he doesn't leave the cap off the toothpaste or throw his dirty socks on the couch... yet! Tuscany, he is better at putting the toilet seat down than I am... (we have a dog that likes to drink out of the toilet)... lol! Thank you both so much

[Tuscany]

Thanks y'all. Tuscany, the 2 responses to "everything changes"...are the same for us. In fact, we have already said that to a couple of people. MrsJStevens, he doesn't leave the cap off the toothpaste or throw his dirty socks on the couch...yet! Tuscany, he is better at putting the toilet seat down than I am...(we have a dog that likes to drink out of the toilet)...lol! Thank you both so much

See everything is fine... as my Gram would say Don't borrow sorrow from tomorrow; Live for today.

Enjoy being newlyweds!

[Avasean]

That's a really good quote. Do you mind if I use it?

[Tuscany]

Sure- pass it on

[mrsjstevens]

Lol. I was not being literal. I just meant that you already know his bad habits. So right now, they don't matter. Your not seeing them for the first time. You want to know what the big change of being married feels like? Think of when you first moved in. that's all your missing. Have fun honey. Your married now! Don't stress the little things.

[LearningAsIGo]

I had to chuckle at this post! I've been living with my husband for 7.5 years and we just got married in June.. . so I've had the same questions as you!

Like you said, I've always heard, "Everything changes" and I waited.. . But nothing did! Slowly, I began to realize that our relationship had actually become stronger and small things have changed between us. The changes though are because our lifestyle is changing. We're trying for a baby, house hunting, etc.

You're still in the super-new marriage stage. Give it a little more time and you'll see the change.

And a big CONGRATS on being newlywed!

[mjl]

I found nothing changed, because we lived together before getting married too.

I think what they are referring to when they say that everything changes after marriage is a couple that didn't previously live together before marriage, because then everything definitely would change because they aren't fimiliar with living together.

[s_cianci]

I wouldn't worry about it.

[talaniman]

I think the change was bigger when my then g/f moved in with me, more so than when we got married later. The saying you speak of was from a time when you didn't shack up before marriage as much as its done today.

[Fr_Chuck]

What were you expecting to happen, marriage is a big thing and changes everything, when you don't live together before. If you already lived together before then it is just a paper to most people, since all of the things and new adventures marriage brings are already done.

[Santi]

My question is... what's the problem? From the title of your post, it seems as though your question is asking something a bit more or deeper than not feeling any different.

[Wondergirl]

you can't just break up with him because he embarrassed you at the mall anymore. you lose the leverage of 'my way or the highway' you take more because your not sure exactly where the line is when you should ask for a divorce.

I'm guessing that's the change people think you will notice. Now you two are committed to each other in ways you have never been before--legally, morally, financially.

Studies have shown that a good living-in experience does not guarantee a happy marriage. It sounds like you two are in the right place and have done things the right way. I wish you many happy years together!

[N0help4u]

When people say things change once you get married they usually mean it in a negative way. Like you get tired of each other, fight, take each other for granted, the romance wears off. So don't worry about what others say.