[Braden23]

I've a question to which I think I know the answer, or at least one of the answers, but would really appreciate feedback.

I work with a girl who was dating a guy with whom she was unhappy. We began hanging out and got really close. He lives in another town, so I was more like her boyfriend than he was. It started as friendship, then developed into a physical relationship, but there were few feelings involved, at least to begin with. Eventually, however, they developed, and we talked about them, and we were both on the same page. I knew that it was a bad idea from the start, for obvious reasons, but we continued. I tried to break things off with her, but she didn't want to end them, so I didn't (and before anyone says, "don't blame her, because you could have quit if you wanted", let me say that I'm not; it's just a relevant detail; I realize I could have removed myself, and that the reason why I didn't was because I really didn't want to). Things were going well, or as well as they could, between the two of us, and she was still with her boyfriend. Then she broke up with him, and things changed. Essentially, the opposite of what I expected to occur, actually did: She became distant, unsure, etc. and so did I. However, we still do things together, though not as often, and I know she still has feelings for me. I didn't mention this before, but the reason she was unhappy with her boyfriend was because he never came to visit her, he never treated her like a girlfriend, and he would never touch her (which I also don't understand; in my experience, it's been the girl who withholds sex/affection, so if anyone has an answer for this, I'd appreciate it), and I filled that void. And I realize that a lot of why she wanted to be with me was because I did fill the void. My question, I guess, is why did she get cold feet after they broke up? And how do I handle working with this girl. I don't want to be rude and ignore her, because I don't want any animosity between us, especially because it's a small environment, but I have difficulty being around her without my feelings coming back. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[talaniman]

You have been pretty honest with yourself, so continue to be, you helped her cheat, and as a couple you ain't happening. Of course you have feelings and now that its over, you both need time to get over it. Since now you know the downside of workplace romances, deal with it in a tactful friendly manner, that's it. I also think you where handy and scratched her itch, but where phtt as a couple. Move on in time, but be polite at work.