[unsure_123]

OK this is going to be quite long, but would really appreciate some help!

I'm 19, a virgin, never been in a relationship before (because the whole idea petrifies me). I know I must be slightly abnormal but I'm just scared of commitment, scared of trusting someone, scared of sex and many other things.

I met this guy through work a while back, and he seems to be a really genuinely nice lad, everyone in work likes him. He is 21. We started texting and when it thought things were going to get serious I backed out, because I was scared, but as the days went by I thought about nothing else, and missed this lad.

We started texting again and things progressed, we met up went on a date, and I really tried to think past the scared feeling and try things out. So we went on a few dates, and now I usually just go round to his.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with him and I do like him, but I'm still scared inside. My mum said I shouldn't feel that way and I should want to see him all the time. The thing is though I'm happy to occupy myself, by watching a film, staying in, I don't always need to have company to be happy.

This lad has seen other girls, and is obviously experienced whereas I am not. The things that scares me most is sex. Yes I know its obvious that I shouldn't do it until I feel ready, but I don't know that ill ever feel ready. I really like this guy, and know him well know, yet the thought of him seeing me naked still worries me in case I lose him over it. Plus the whole idea of sex, its because I don't know what to do with my hands, how to act etc etc. I really do want it, but there's this barrier and because I'm insecure and lack all self confidence I don't think ill ever overcome that barrier.

Also this guy is so nice, he always sends me lovely messages, phones me, tells me I'm beautiful, tells me I mean the world to him, says I'm more important than anyone, that he will always treat me with respect, look after me, help me, love me, care for me, everything possible really. He's just always there for me.

The one place we do differ though is that I think he will be a lot more sexual than I am. I know that's hard for me to judge because I've never had a relationship, but I think he has a high sex drive. I know I'm probably thinking too much, but I'm scared that when we do eventually sleep together that that's all we will ever do, maybe I'm wrong? It's a question I feel I really can't ask him, but I can just imagine every time I see him he will want to get close or something. Maybe this is normal I wouldn't know? I don't want to get used for sex.

Please help me, give me any advice? Its not that I don't want it, it's that I'm scared because I don't know what to do?

[hollylovesbrandon]

Not all men are after just that "one thing" and not all men have to have a woman that's a size 0 to be happy with her. I weigh 210 lbs and I'm 5 foot 3. my husband says I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. This dude sounds nice. And he sounds like he already thinks your beautiful on the inside, the outside won't matter. And no, it won't be just around sex after you finally do have sex for the first time. And who knows, once you have that first orgasm... you may be the sex driven one. Just let him know about your insecurities. Let him know your inexperienced and scared. If he truly cares about you he will let you know that he still loves you and will wait until you are ready (that will probably turn you on). Just discuss it with him. That's your best bet. And also, it's OK to be scared and never do anything until you are ready. Hope I helped

[Choux]

You have to decide if you want to experience penis/ vagina sex... or if you really should wait a year or two until you are more mature.

If you decide for beginning your adult sexuality... be prepared for the reality of it.