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    risicupman's Avatar
    risicupman Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Dec 6, 2005, 08:34 PM
    Lover? Or just friends?
    OK here is my problem... Me and this girl have been really good friends. During most of the time we have gotten to known each other I have been with someone else and so has she so being just friends was perfectly fine with each other. However near the end of my relationship with my ex I started to really like her and would imagine how great it would be if we were together and how we would be a great couple and all that. Later on we both became single again which opened us to be able to go out. For some reason, now that we have the chance to, I sometimes feel like I don't like her as much anymore. I love her still as much as a friend, but the desire to become more than that comes on and off, not as much as when I was with someone else. My question is why do you think that this is happening to me because I feel like I finally have the chance to make more of it but something is holding me back. My other question is do you think I should try and ask her out or just be friends? Anyone who has had this experience I would love to hear from! Thanks.
    jeffatl's Avatar
    jeffatl Posts: 489, Reputation: 83
    Full Member

    Dec 6, 2005, 09:12 PM
    Why would you ask someone out that you don't think you like? This happens a lot to people in relationships, you sound like a good guy that doesn't cheat, so the thought of another girl is appealing while you are in a relationship, normal. You didn't act on it for a reason, and now that you are single, you realize that. Don't go out with someone just because you can, or don't want to be single. I was in danger of doing that, but I just had to wake up. You know what to do, and what not to do. Follow your gut, why ruin a good friendship? I say don't do it, you "dont really like her" not saying you couldn't, but if you value her friendship why put that on the line for a "maybe" feeling? Steer clear for now and figure out what you want BEFORE you do anyhting.
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,926, Reputation: 674
    Ultra Member

    Dec 7, 2005, 05:58 AM
    What to do
    By the sound of your question, using words like "ex", you must be a younger person, in school maybe.
    Life is a lot of fun, learning about relationships. This time, it looks like you are experiencing one of those relationships. Since you know you might can have her now as a girlfriend, you may not want her at all.
    Give it some time, and don't make any hasty decisions. Since you aren't sure yet, just be friends with her. I do wish you the best, and good luck.
    DJ 'H''s Avatar
    DJ 'H' Posts: 1,109, Reputation: 114
    Ultra Member

    Dec 7, 2005, 06:15 AM
    A good friend of mine and I started dating once - we dated for two weeks - I started feeling unsure about things - but after putting things in perspective it was because we were such good friends that I did not want that to change. I did not want our friendship ruined. He did not see it that way at first but did in the end. Very good friends until this day. He would have made a fantastic boyfriend but we had way too much to lose. We were only 15yrs old at the time - but I know my decision was the right one.
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
    Uber Member

    Dec 7, 2005, 05:46 PM
    One often falls into the "grass is always greener" syndrome. You may have experienced this while you were still with your ex. Once that ended and this girl became "fair game" the luster wore off. No doubt other posters on this thread will tell you about the psychology of wanting what you can't have and how it becomes much less attractive once it's readily available. I wouldn't ask her out unless you're really sincere about her ; otherwise that wouldn't be fair to her. You sound a little ambivalent right now so I'd just hang loose and continue to be friends with her and not attempt to take it any further. With time I'm sure you'll "see the light" one way or another, whether you want to pursue something with her or if you just want to continue being friends.
    Tony2005's Avatar
    Tony2005 Posts: 60, Reputation: 5
    Junior Member

    Dec 10, 2005, 01:53 AM
    Is there a deadline that you have express your feelings to her ? I think not. Why to hurry ? Go slow. If you like her then you can go out with her but you need not tell her right away how you feel about her. Wait for the right moment till you are very very sure that this is the same person you always wanted in your life. I am sure you don't want to take a hasty step and end up breaking up with her as a good friend also. Go slow. Talk to her and see how you feel about her. Doesn't matter if your feelings aren't so very good that you can think seriously. Just go with the flow and acknowledge your feelings to be genuine.
    Chery's Avatar
    Chery Posts: 3,666, Reputation: 698
    Gone, But Not Forgotten

    Dec 10, 2005, 03:35 AM
    All the advice you've received so far has been very good and sensible. If she has not made any 'advances' outside of friendship, I'd leave it at that and stay her friend. This way you two can have stress free fun and share things as 'pals'. Remember, at your age, you'll have many more relationships that come and go, but to have a friend that will be there for you and vis versa, is hard to come by. Contrary to what most people say about friendship between both sexes, it is possible and can last a lifetime. Wish you both a great future and Happy Holidays!

    liar2's Avatar
    liar2 Posts: 28, Reputation: 2
    New Member

    Apr 14, 2008, 12:44 PM
    Sometimes in friendship we compare it with our relationships and that makes us attracted to the persons personality. Not necessary wanting a relationship with the other person. And sometimes people want what they can't have and as soon as they could have it.. it don't seem that interesting anymore.

    If that's the case I don't think you should pursue that with her... Don't spoil your friendship because the opportunity presents itself.

    Enjoy eachother's company but don't cross the line, you may regret losing a friend.
    tamme's Avatar
    tamme Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Oct 30, 2009, 07:17 AM

    Many marriages are based on a good solid friendship. PLUS your able to develop friendships outside your marriage that a solid and stable and like many have said they sometimes out last marriages or other relationships. Judging if a friendship should become romantic and intimate has lots of details in the soga. One both of you must be single. Two you both need to show the desire.
    If you are single as she, explore your relationship by asking her... be honest.. say I am embarrassed and feel hesitant to ask you this but I ve always wondered if we were meant to be more than friends. Get some perspective from her. Honesty is the best measure to protect the relationships future. She will tell you how she feels. If you both game the cards will be on the table if not you would have lost NOTHING.

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