[vetman7949]

Hello. My brother is 62 years old. He has been working at home on an entertainment show for gay folks for about 35 years. He relies on donations to survive. It is a nonprofit organization. About three years ago, he asked me for $300. This was not a big deal to me and I gave my brother the money. Over the years, grant money that he usually received dried up. About two years ago, he "borrowed" $2,800 from my mother on a cash advance through her credit card company. I have been paying the monthly payment since that time. My brother had found a wealthy retired physician who has given him about $25,000 over the past two years. This physician basically said he cannot continue to do this any longer. Before I started paying off my mother's credit card, I told him not to do this again. I knew he did this. It was discussed at that time. I told him once is okay... we all have tough times at some point.

I am 58 years old and am on 100% disability from the Veterans Administration for PTSD suffered in Vietnam. I have enough problems to contend with. I just know my brother is going to ask for significant money from me in December. He "hinted" he will have no money after that, except $910 a month from early retirement from social security. My 89-year-old mother thinks I am cold-hearted and I should just give him whatever I can whenever he asks. If (or more accurately, "when") he asks me for more money next month, I will say NO! My dad died when I was a child, so it has just been the three of us as "family" since 1964. My brother admits he "messed up" and should have landed a job before he grew too old to be employable, but he said he didn't want to work for anybody and so he didn't. He is a college graduate and could have certainly found a job at some point 20 years or so ago. He had already filed for bankruptcy a year ago. He will be very unhappy, maybe suicidal when I say no. I will not any longer be responsible for his bad judgement. How do I handle this?


Thank you!

[NowWhat]

You say no. By giving him money, you are essentially enabling this lifestyle. Maybe if the money isn't rhere, he will be forced to get a job.

[s_cianci]

Like drugs ; Just Say No. It is not your problem or responsibility. Don't let your mother put a guilt trip on you either.