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crushedovernover · Nov 29, 2007, 04:04 PM

How fast is to fast to get married.. If two people have only known each other for 4 months and one lives across the country and the other on the other side. One just got out of a 3 yr relationship with a child. The women.

shygrneyzs · Nov 29, 2007, 04:10 PM

Too fast. Just getting out of a relationship? The person needs some time to adjust. Rebounding is not a safe practice for the most part. Same mistakes are made, history is repeated, and lessons that should have been learned just did not have any time to be learned. If the relationship is real, the love is genuine, it will survive a test of time and distance. Too many times people rush into the long distance relationships, in order to save the relationship. Only to discover within a few months it falls apart. Mostly because of not enough known about each other.

crushedovernover · Nov 29, 2007, 04:36 PM

This is my ex. My concern is not with her and her new boyfriend. She cheated on me with him.. No problem here, but with my son she wants to move to his area which is a 3.5 hour flight from where her and I live now. She met him one night at the bar when she was waitresing. So am I hearing you right when you say that they are moving way way to fast? I herd she wants to marry him.. No problem hear but she is not taking my son. What I'm trying to get from this is that hopefully they don't last so she looses this notion of taking off with my son. Im doing the court thing right now but I just don't understand why she can't give her self time to be single. . And I highly doubt the love is geniune or real. And this guy is bitting off more then he can chew when he finds out who she really is.

crushedovernover · Nov 29, 2007, 04:38 PM

You also said many times people rush into long distance relationships to save the relationsihp... By rushing do you mean her rushingto move there ? Her and I were together and one minute she wanted to get married after our 3yr relationship and son then she meets this guy who was visiting then bam gone. So tell me do you think they will last. It is not my intention of her return. I would much rather her meet a guy around here so my son won't be taken from me.

shygrneyzs · Nov 29, 2007, 05:26 PM

She is running all right. It sounds like trouble to me. Why can't she at least leave your son with you until she gets this relationship figured out? I am on your side about your son - he does not need to be uprooted and placed in a situation that only God knows how good or bad it is. Just look at the news - a woman took off and moved in with a guy she met online. She had a toddler - Baby Grace - and between her and her boyfriend, they killed her. The guy "was not ready to be a parent" - you are right to be concerned.

Now that may not ever happen in your ex's case but what does she really know about this guy? Any background check? Is he stable - mentally and financially? Does he work? Can he support a wife and a step child? I hope she gets some sense soon! This just seems to be a bad move. If it were her alone, that is her kettle of fish. But with your son, I'd be filing papers too and trying to get some control of the situation. Hope it all works out for you and your son.

crushedovernover · Nov 29, 2007, 05:32 PM

A WEEK after meeting this guy she flew my son down to spend a week with him... She is 25 he is 39... figure that one out.

enigmagnetic · Nov 29, 2007, 05:33 PM

Originally Posted by crushedovernover

A WEEK after meeting this guy she flew my son down to spend a week with him... She is 25 he is 39... figure that one out.

Hmm I did. She's an idiot. Not too hard.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 29, 2007, 05:36 PM

If there was not cheating, and the such, a long distance relationship works differently since there are many things that has to be done by distant, and at times if they email and text, they talk more than couples who date locally.

So 4 months is short, but not that bad, if they are both free to do so, and are both willing to work at a relastionship.

crushedovernover · Nov 29, 2007, 05:37 PM

She cheated on me with this guy.. sex I don't know.. But talking with the intention of leaving yes.. She even came into my dental office and had the In chair bleach done 2 weeks before we split.. WHY because she new she was going to see her new boy toy.

crushedovernover · Nov 30, 2007, 10:34 AM

Any other oppinions?

rockerchick_682 · Nov 30, 2007, 10:38 AM

I think it all depends on the person, but personally just 4 months on the rebound? Way to fast

crushedovernover · Nov 30, 2007, 02:43 PM

Is it a rebound when she cheated on me with him? Or left me for him?

shygrneyzs · Nov 30, 2007, 03:04 PM

Yes, I think it can qualify as a rebound (although not a technical one) - she did not even give herself some breathing room before starting another relationship.

When I read the book, "Single Wisdom" by Dr. Paris Fenner-Williams and then saw her on a television program, her words really made sense. To know someone through all the seasons before making that big leap. People can change - affective disorders, personality, those kinds of things. Also, in a year's time, if the person is just trying to be on their best behavior - it is going to crack and the real person will come through. One can fairly easily hide faults in the short term.

I hope this all works out for the best for your son. It is him I worry about the most.

enigmagnetic · Nov 30, 2007, 03:26 PM

Originally Posted by crushedovernover

is it a rebound when she cheated on me with him? Or left me for him?

What you must do now is focus on bettering your own life and finding a way to get back your child.

crushedovernover · Nov 30, 2007, 03:37 PM

Oh I am on the path of success. Im going back to school in sept to finish my last 2 years of my Ba.sci then going to dental school.l. Ill be finished my firefighter program in April and have already applied to my city for it. I am very focused on my son and your words make a lot of sense. And your right she can't hide who she really is for long. She is a very insecure person and jealous and it will only be a matter of time before she starts it with him.. Really I wish she met someone who lives locally and not a 3 hour flight away.. I do not wish for my child to be taken from me. If anyone else has some insight on this rebound thing fill me in..

crushedovernover · Dec 1, 2007, 01:15 PM

Anyone else have a view or opinion on this.. I don't want them to last because she wants to leave with my son. As bad as it sounds or for me to say this but I would rather her be with a guy here in my city then all the way in Florida. Im sure there is a bit of jealousy from me but mainly I want her and this guy to end so my son doesn't get messed up from being brought from a guys house to another guys house. I mean how many "uncles" is my son going to have.

rockerchick_682 · Dec 1, 2007, 06:10 PM

It's not fair to your son, taking him away from his real father and introducing him to some temporary guy. If I were you I'd fight for full custody

s_cianci · Dec 1, 2007, 06:17 PM

What you're describing is way too fast for anyone to get married. That's setting things up for a crash and burn.

kiki_doki · Dec 1, 2007, 06:30 PM

Hi crushed, I would agree with almost evryone else it is waayyyy to fast. The fact that she hasn't factored you into the equation really does astonish me, if the relationship failed that's fair enough but doing her utmost to remove you from your sons life?? She's not even thinking about the well being of her own child, he needs his dad. Is there something you are not telling us? Does this "toy boy" have stack of cashish? She seems to be running away from you... any ideas? Like did you treat her well, I'm just asking as if you were a wife beater (and I'm not saying you are) then her behaviour would be justififed.

crushedovernover · Dec 2, 2007, 02:57 AM

Im 25. In school and I work 3 jobs. I put my dental career on hold and went to school for firefighting. This sept I plan on going back to finish. She wanted a "man" I guess I was not man enough. Basically he is 39 and he makes about 60000 american a year. Nothing amazing but established. He lives in Florida " some where hot and a romantic setting for her to fly to see her boy toy. But she wants to straight up drop everything for this guy. It amazes me. I know she is going to crash and burn but I just don't know when. Feel bad kind of cause in a way I think she should have at least took some time for her self not jump back into a relationship.

I also treated her well a little to well. She took advantage, and one day she will pay the price. I know her to well. And she will crash and burn. She is not living reality. She is off in her own dream world where she thinks she can just pick up and go.. NO not any more.