[Michm]

Im 24 years old and am from South Africa.

Met Christopher 23rd September this year and it was a meeting of chance as we both were not looking for a relationship. A mutual friend of ours introduced us and I had totally given up on finding a good guy for myself and so when she suggested I chat to him I refused. Eventually she convinced me and we started contacting each other. Started with him calling everyday on his way to work and with us texting each other a lot and somehow we both felt an immediate connection and when we met it was as clichéd as it may sound like meeting your twin soul.

We liked the same things, enjoyed talking about the same things. We both had given up on finding someone special in our lives. He is a very guarded person and has been hurt badly in the past and takes him a while to open up but with me he was letting go quite a bit.

When we first met though I did tell him that my parents and I were planning on moving to India in the New year and that it wouldn't be fair on him not to tell him that. He said he understood the possibility of me going away but he didn't want to miss this chance and regret it and I also felt the same and had not dated anyone fearing that I would have to leave them behind but with him I also decided to give this a try and after a lot of asking him if he was sure and him insisting he was he asked me out and we grew closer.

He said I LOVE YOU first, told his mum and close friends he had foud his love. Told me that he would like to meet my parents and felt that this was definitely heaven sent and all this from a very guarded guy came as a shock and a pleasant surprise as I felt the same about him.

We did move a bit fast in two months and we knew that and I felt well we would slow down or something - not break it off because this was too special to give up.

He was starting work at a new company and was on a trial period and he asked me to come to work and he introduced me to all the people there including his boss. He went back to his old job to finish his last two weeks and asked me to come there- he had been working there for 3 years and obviously had wanted me to meet his colleagues there as well but unfortunately I couldn't make it there. But by him doing that I felt well this was something big too, I mean he wouldn't do that if he wasn't sure of me yet would he?!

We had our first official date and it went brilliantly, the chemistry was there and we talked and talked and the world felt completely shut out to us.

6 days later though he decides to break it off saying its because I'm going to India and rather we end it now before we both get hurt. I know you are thinking fair enough the guy has a point but he knew this from the start and still pursued a relationship and he never asked me what our options were regarding me staying behind etc. He just decided for us both and somehow I know that it isn't the India issue.

I asked him in that break up week why and he never answered me. Later I told him that I would have been willing to stay to make this work and I got no reply to that either.

In the week of the breakup though he sent long long text messages eveyday saying he is sorry and never meant to hurt me and I would make any guy happy as I have made him and he said love is a strange thing. He also said that he never saw this coming - us falling in love with each other although that's hard to believe since he said it first.
He also said he never thought he would ever hurt someone the way he has hurt me and that he feels bad because I have been nothing but loving to him. The funny thing is though that in the way he was apologising it was almost as if he didn't want to do it and someone forced him or advised him to.

He said he wanted to still meet and stay in touch and be friends and even though I worked on it he didn't seem to be making the effort and the one tie we chatted he said he didn't know what to say and found it hard to make conversation.

Its been 2 weeks and I haven't heard from him. Last Saturday he left a message saying sorry I haven't heard from him he has been busy with work and stuff(which he is never that busy) Told me to take care of myself and he is sorry for whatever has happened. That's sounds like a goodbye forever to me. What do you think?

Anyway this past week he has been forwarding me and his friends those pre made emails but I haven't heard from him personally. I decided not to reply to those emails as there was nothing personal to them and I don't see what I am supposed to do with them.

Ive been thinking though that if he really did feel as he said he did then would he really give up this easy?

Also he lost a close friend this year in February in an accident and this friend left behind a wife and a 6 month old baby. Christopher has been helping her out a lot as he is obviously feeling a bit responible for them I guess and feeling sorry for her. I know he doesn't see her in any other way other than just a close friend but I'm wondering if she may be looking for more. It has been 10months and they obviously have that friend in common and share that grief and she must be looking for that stability in her life.

I was thinking that maybe she may be advising him regarding me. I may be way off but there is a strong feeling that she may be!

Deep down in my heart I feel he is THE ONE! I just don't know what happened, he isn't giving me any reasons and now there is no communication at all.

This is really not the kind of person he is. The mutual friend of ours has known him over a year and she is just as surprised and shocked as this is not like him. Im still in shock because everything was running smoothly. I mean even a few days before he broke it off he was asking me how I was going to tell my dad about him and us.

This thing has broken me and confused me and I can't think of anything else.

Was all this a lie? Did he really care? What do I do? Any ideas as to why this happened?

PLEASE HELP!!

[N0help4u]

I think he was playing you and is using your moving as an excuse to break up. Often guys that are good at manipulating situations have a controlled way as you describe as --the way he was apologising it was almost as if he didn't want to do it and someone forced him or advised him to.
Also it might not be only his friend wanting more of a relationship with him. He could have broke up with you because he may have started to realize he does have deeper feelings for her too.
At any rate, you are probably better to go to India and find someone there.

[Michm]

Helps a bit in getting over him and maybe seeing from a point of view I may not have wanted to see. Thanks!