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My best friend hates me
I'm a sophomore in college.
Last year, I met a lot of really cool friends and got close to a lot of people -- one in particular became my best friend. I told her everything, and let her get to know me better than most anyone ever has. For awhile things were great between us. We went to parties, we had fun, we joined the same sorority. But I have a dark side (or people like to claim). I am a recovered cutter, and have had substance abuse problems in the past. I get extremely territorial over my good friends and don't like to feel like I'm losing them. I started to feel that way toward her, like this other girl (who I have always been jealous of because she is cuter, funnier, smarter, prettier, more popular, etc) was getting closer to her. So I yelled at my best friend, said terrible things to her and then asked for her forgiveness. She said it would take time to repair the damage. It's been a year, and I've hurt her over and over again. She quit talking to me last year after I told her I wanted to kill myself. When we did finally talk again, she left me crying and I almost overdosed on pills. I've seen therapists and I'm recovering. A couple months ago she and I decided to try to be friends again. We were doing really well until one night at a party her new best friend (the one I have always been jealous of) came up to me and asked me why I didn't like her. I responded by saying she made me feel like crawling into a hole and dying. I know it was screwed up, but I was drunk. Since then, my best friend gave up on me. She wants nothing to do with me and said she will never give me another chance. We live in a sorority house so I see her virtually every day. All I want is for things to go back to the way they were, but I know they can never go back there again. How do I get her to give me another chance? She can't handle my dark side, so does that mean I need to give up and move on? |
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I would say back off. The relationship you are trying to develop is unhealthy. People can be friends with other people.
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Well, yes you need to stay away from her and before "moving on" or even staying in your sorority you'll want to commit to some very serious Psychiatric help. There are meds which are very helpful in this type of disorder. Be smart and don't gamble with life.
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Beautiful Catastrophe,
I’m sorry but I have to agree with the others. Friendship is a two way street. It becomes uncomfortable when it is all one sided. I know you are hurting but you would be doing yourself a great favour to go out and meet new people. |
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Yes, I agree with everyone here that you need to let this friendship go. You are a young person and one of the hardest lessons that we have to learn in this life is that our actions can hurt other people. It is not that your friend "can't handle" your dark side - she feels hurt by your actions and words. And by no means are you alone in this - many of us - myself included here - have sometimes had to learn the hard way that we must change the way we behave around others. You wrote you were a cutter so there are some self-esteem issues - that can be changed. The more that you work on yourself, your personal development and social skills, the better you will be at handling your intense emotions. Be aware that we cannot always just say what we feel - it might just be better to say you are not feeling well and cannot talk just then and there if you feel upset. Everyone has felt jealous or threatened by someone else who we think is better - that however does not say you have the right to just yell and scream as you please.
Forgive yourself, you are just human like the rest of us, and a work in progress. We learn as we go. Bless you. |
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I HAVE FALLEN OUT WITH MY BEST MATE! And she said she hates me, I am annoying, but other people said that I am not, including her other best mate, she said to ignore her but Sasha (the ex-mate) keeps getting in my face provoking me. She also said that Anna (her best mate(the other one)) said that She would choose her over me! But Anna denied it.
And now I am getting to the point where I am crying every time she says something to me. Sasha can be really hurtful, and plus she has only just told me this now and we have been "mates" for 3 years!! What should I do? |
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