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jkwach · Nov 16, 2007, 04:15 AM

I am in a twisted situation. I have been in two marriages. The first one came to a mutual end after having two kids (11yrs Girl, and 8yrs Boy now). In the second one, I have a 5 year old boy. I did not officially terminate the first marriage and have been staying separate and sharing the responsibilities of the kids. We could not forge for a formal divorse becaseu we could not come to an agreement on child custody. It was complicated in that even when I left it all to her, she refused to go ahead with it. At times I feel she refused formal divorse so as to tie me down. The second marriage was fine for seven year and she left out of the blues. I travelled and came back to find her gone. I now stay with all the three kids alone. She has given a multitude of reasons but I can assure you that they are all mere excuses. The main reason that she gives is that she grew in her christianity and learnt that it is wrong of her to stay with a man who is married. It has been six months now and I have tried all that I can to get her back in vain. She has pretty much made up her mind. I am however unable to move on in my life without her. As it is, I do still love her deeply. At one point I attempted suicide because life without her made sense no more and it was majorly annoying that she was not giving any chance of meaningful dialogue. I have tried my best to move on but I am completely unable. The only thing that keeps my sanity is my continued prayers...

Someone, please help me and advice on how I can deal with this issue. I cannot go back to my first because it turns out she is HIV positive and I have tried meeting new people but my heart is still where I prayed for it to be... Kindly help!

lerouxma · Nov 16, 2007, 08:53 AM

Originally Posted by jkwach

I am in a twisted situation. I have been in two marriages. The first one came to a mutual end after having two kids (11yrs Girl, and 8yrs Boy now). In the second one, I have a 5 year old boy. I did not officially terminate the first marriage and have been staying separate and sharing the responsibilities of the kids. We could not forge for a formal divorse becaseu we could not come to an agreement on child custody. It was complicated in that even when I left it all to her, she refused to go ahead with it. At times I feel she refused formal divorse so as to tie me down. The second marriage was fine for seven year and she left out of the blues. I travelled and came back to find her gone. I now stay with all the three kids alone. She has given a multitude of reasons but I can assure you that they are all mere excuses. The main reason that she gives is that she grew in her christianity and learnt that it is wrong of her to stay with a man who is married. It has been six months now and I have tried all that I can to get her back in vain. She has pretty much made up her mind. I am however unable to move on in my life without her. As it is, I do still love her deeply. At one point I attempted suicide because life without her made sense no more and it was majorly annoying that she was not giving any chance of meaningful dialogue. I have tried my best to move on but I am completely unable. The only thing that keeps my sanity is my continued prayers...

Someone, please help me and advice on how I can deal with this issue. I cannot go back to my first because it turns out she is HIV positive and I have tried meeting new people but my heart is still where I prayed for it to be... Kindly help!

Trying to commit suicide is NEVER the answer. For now live for the kids. My wife left me also out of the blue and we were together for 17 years. I have both children and one of them is physicly and mentaly disabled, so it is not easy to say the least.

I never contiplated suicide because no one is worth taking your life for. I would gladly give my life for my children, but because of them I would NEVER think about killing myself.

I find my best way to get through all this is keeping a journal. I use Microsoft word every night to journal my thoughts and it does not take long for it to become 15 to 20 pages long. Express everything that you feel and think in this, it works. Things will get better, but very slowly... I know it feels that the person you loved died, but you must do your best. If you have to cry and yell and scream do it, just not in front of the children. When your with the kids smile and play and be chearful, it will help them cope also. Children are very intuitive and can see if you are depressed and sad and know more than you think

Hang in there and believe in yourself and you will be OK... day to day... Baby steps... simply say. "God grant me the serenity to accpet the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"