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chl4a · Nov 6, 2007, 12:40 PM

I found this site while searching for info on relinquishing custody.
A little background info...
Three years ago my sister brought her children (then 2 and 3) because she was homeless and broke. My sister has slight mental issues and her life has not improved much since then. I have had the kids the entire time and the Children Services worker who legally placed them with me told me I would have to have custody for them to be able to live in my home, then assisted me through the process of getting it. The kids both have post traumatic stress syndrome, behavior issues, ADHD, and more. They have seen therapist, a Dr. and are on meds that are supposed to help.
Our house is in constant turmoil when they are home. The boy who just turned 5 is not in school yet (he is on a waiting list). In the morning we have to deal with both of them screaming and yelling and refusing to get ready, eat breakfast, brush teeth, etc. When his meds kick in it gets a bit better. She leaves at 8:30 for school and finally it is quiet for a while. His meds start wearing off around noon and it is hard to get him to be still except when he is playing video games which we don't like to do 1. because we are not big on vidioits, and 2. When he is playing he will use the bathroom in his pants and on the carpet. She gets home around 3:45 and the house goes crazy. Both her and her brother run around the house making every noise you can think of. If you try to get them to sit and do something quietly you get a tantrum. Time outs turn into an hour or more ordeal. It stays like this till around 9 when their night time meds kick in. Some night the meds don't do much good and they are up till midnight or later. Other nights they are up and down all night. The little boy will actually tell the other children that he will get up in the night and mess with their stuff that he is not allowed to mess with. They have ruined walls, door, windows, screens, toy, books, clothes, and just about anything else you can think of. I love them but I just can't handle it anymore. My husband is telling me that he hates to come home and has thought about leaving. We have 4 children that are older than them who try to stay out of the house because they say it is too caotic and loud. We have a 2 year old that is starting to pick up on their bad behaviors. I don't know what to do. My home is falling apart and when I have asked about finding the kids other living arrangements I have been told that could give custody to someone else if they petitioned for it but there is nobody to do that. My mother loves my niece and she is her favorite because she is her only granddaughter but can't take custody of her for many reasons. I don't know what to do. I love them but their behavior is so hard to deal with and I am afraid that I am going to loose my temper one day and hurt one of them. My niece tells me everyday that she hates living with me and my house because I have too many rules. If anybody knows if I have any options in Ohio I would be really grateful.

Choux · Nov 6, 2007, 12:57 PM

These children need a loving home with knowledgeable parents who are not overwhelmed.

They can be put up for adoption together. Why not explore this option with your sister?

chl4a · Nov 6, 2007, 12:59 PM

She refuses. They only option that she is willing to explore is me giving them back to her which is just not possible.

macksmom · Nov 6, 2007, 03:03 PM

Well if the mother is agreeing to take back her children... why don't you turn the focus on trying to get her better? She could see a counseler, therapist, doctor, parenting coach etc and be able to care for her own children.

If you are able to already think you might "lose your temper and hurt them"... then you need to get the children out of your home.

N0help4u · Nov 6, 2007, 03:40 PM

If child services are involved she doesn't really have a say. All you have to do is tell them they are too much and they will place them somewhere else. It is overwhelming, I know,
I went through it with my kids and it literally drains you!
They have been studying omega 3 and how it helps disorderly kids.
Give them omega fatty acid or flax seed oil everyday.
I remember how my parents and grandparents use to say they got cod liver oil everyday
And these disorders were not a problem then.
And if you think about it what kids get fish oils now?
Try to cut out transfats, all vegetable oils, corn oil, canola oil, etc... also margarine and use olive oil and butter. Also switch to sea salt it made a big difference in me. I use fine granule cerulean sea salt.

Here is a search engine you can study about it yourself.
omega fatty acids for ADHD - Google Search

JudyKayTee · Nov 6, 2007, 03:46 PM

Go back to Child Services and tell them what you have just posted - they are not there to judge; they are there to help. If you simply cannot handle these children, particularly if you are at your wit's end, you owe it to them and to yourself and your family to find another solution, perhaps a family with some experience with this type of problem. I would think your sister is pretty much out of the picture but let her work it out with Child Services.

Don't beat yourself up - if you did the best you can do (and it appears you did) then you have to make other arrangements. Sad but true.

No disrespect intended but it sounds like a bigger problem than a diet change can help and it also doesn't sound like you have the time and energy to experiment.

chl4a · Nov 6, 2007, 04:12 PM

Children services will not get involved unless something drastic happens. I have tried to get them to help but they closed the case as soon as they tricked me into getting full custody. I have tried everything that I can do to get their mom to straighten out. I even would let her visit the kids for a day at her house (I would have to provide all the food and anything else they needed) to give myself a break. She had a "John" come to her house while the kids were there. She is useless as a mother. Everyone keeps telling me I have to put them up for adoption and that she and her ex husband will have to give concent. I do not even know his current location. He has been out of the picture for over 2 years.
Everyone kept telling me if I gave the kids love and structure that things would get better but they haven't. They have councelors that come to the house once a week and neither of them can get anywhere with the kids either. My niece is on her 4th one. Everyone keeps telling me don't give up and things will get better but they haven't. Now I'm just tired. They won't do anything that I ask no matter what toys and privliges that I take away. The only way my niece quit call my an Fu****g B**ch was when I finally broke down and put soap in her mouth a couple times.

N0help4u · Nov 6, 2007, 04:25 PM

You may have to find a group home that specializes in kids that act up too much.
Child services play so many rotten games on people. Even adoptive parents have told me they pull stuff on them, like forcing them to adopt so the state doesn't have to pay for them anymore.
If you crack down on their behavior then Child services may say you are unfit cause they say that putting soap in their mouth is abusive. But then they might only make you take parenting classes that are about useless!

JudyKayTee · Nov 7, 2007, 07:53 AM

Originally Posted by chl4a

Children services will not get involved unless something drastic happens. I have tried to get them to help but they closed the case as soon as they tricked me into getting full custody. I have tried everything that I can do to get their mom to straighten out. I even would let her visit the kids for a day at her house (I would have to provide all the food and anything else they needed) to give myself a break. She had a "John" come to her house while the kids were there. She is useless as a mother. Everyone keeps telling me I have to put them up for adoption and that she and her ex husband will have to give concent. I do not even know his current location. He has been out of the picture for over 2 years.
Everyone kept telling me if I gave the kids love and structure that things would get better but they haven't. They have councelors that come to the house once a week and neither of them can get anywhere with the kids either. My neice is on her 4th one. Everyone keeps telling me dont give up and things will get better but they havent. Now I'm just tired. They wont do anything that I ask no matter what toys and privliges that I take away. The only way my neice quit call my an Fu****g B**ch was when I finally broke down and put soap in her mouth a couple times.

You sound like you are at the end of your rope - that sure sounds drastic to me! I know Children's Services in different States has different regulations but I would still try them. You have full custody - you have not adopted, right? Or go to Family Court - tell them the story, see what they say. You cannot be forced to keep the children if this is a custody situation - you can relinquish at any time, at least in NY State.