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chris08 · Nov 5, 2007, 08:19 AM

My ex finished with me after 1 and a half years, completely left me in shock and hurt. It ended with her saying "its nothing to do with you" "i wouldnt leave u for anyone else" "its just me, ive changed my life has changed" (she has just started university but lives at home, as she has always been dependent on her mom)

But my question is... when they say "i'll speak to u later" or "i'll give you a ring in the week to see how you are" she never called. (And she never texts) Can I ask what would you guys do or what you make of this?

Many thanks.

iAMfromHuntersBar · Nov 5, 2007, 08:24 AM

I'd cut a clean break mate... if she's ditched you and hurt you, why would you WANT her to text or ring you?

Enjoy single life for a while! See some of your friends, have fun and leave her to it!

J

mommyofthree · Nov 5, 2007, 08:27 AM

Originally Posted by chris08

My ex finished with me after 1 and a half years, completely left me in shock and hurt. It ended with her saying "its nothing to do with you" "i wouldnt leave u for anyone else" "its just me, ive changed my life has changed" (she has just started university but lives at home, as she has always been dependant on her mom)

but my question is... when they say "i'll speak to u later" or "i'll give you a ring in the week to see how you are" she never called. (And she never texts) Can I ask what would you guys do or what you make of this?

many thanks.

Its her easy way out. Sory for your loss. Sounds like she has some major personal issues and is not strong enough to stand up to and tell you what the problem really is.
If I were you... this won't be easy, but I would try and forget her. Your better than that. You deserve better... she will be lonely until she learns to stand up to her feelings... go live your life! Have fun... find somebody who will want to be with you and tell you what she wants. Somebody who won't leave you at the drop of a pin. Nobody deserves that.

Good luck!

Miszulaki · Nov 5, 2007, 08:32 AM

Not calling or texting you is her way to tell you I'm through! He told you this so that during the breakup you feel a little better even though it's really selfish from her part!
Usually when someone tells you it's not you but me then it mean I have no more feeling for you!
Be strong and stop hoping she'll call! Because for now she won't! If one day she will, depending on how you feel you'll see your reaction! Now focus on your grief and make yourself stronger! Hope= disappointment! Just enjoy the day to day!

chris08 · Nov 5, 2007, 08:36 AM

That's the thing, as soon as she passed her driving test and got into uni, it was goodbye to me. She relied on me a lot, I helped her through college and whatever she needed doing, whereva it was just to print off a document at my work for her, I'd do it. She used to get jealous when I went to watch my football team (I'm from england by the way) and she'd get annoyed if I never rang her or if I wanted to go out with my friends. I always picked her up from college and took her home. We went abroad to Spain in September, come October driving test and University, it's over. My ex hasn't really got many friends she was bullied through school and lives with her mom, brother and grandparents in one house. It just feels like I've been used or stabbed in the back, I've got lots and lots of friends who always ask me to go out. Thanks for any advice guys, hope all this makes sense. Gutted I am.

Miszulaki · Nov 5, 2007, 08:49 AM

The way you explain it... You were her safety net! As soon as she felt like she didn't need you she broke up with you! It seems like you have a big heart since you were doing all those things! She doesn't deserve you! You'll see soon when she will need you she'll call back! Do not worry but for now, concentrate on you!

chris08 · Nov 5, 2007, 08:58 AM

It's funny because you've said that and a week ago she was telling me how she's finding all this university thing hard and how she doesn't think it's for her. But your going to think that aren't you in your first few weeks. She said leaving and going back to college is on the books. But I'm not going to take hope from this, it's a big change and she'll either stick with it or she won't. It just feels really weird at the minute though, knowing your going to be going out on the night without your girlfriend who would normally be out with you and your mates. She was actually telling me to go out with my mates too. I thought hang on a minute, why are you telling me what to do? (even though I know she's right)

chris28 · Nov 5, 2007, 11:21 AM

Hey Chris,

This is very similar to my situation my ex broke up a month and 1/2 ago saying that its just wasn't working. I pulled it out of her because I wasn't totally happy. I asked her over and over again if she was happy she allways replied yes until 1 day she said you no what I'm not totally happy. In return I asked OK so when were you going to tell me this she replied never I do love you and I never wanted to hurt you but I'm just not satisfied. Im not sure of the exact reason but I feel like I was left hanging she said I f I didn't push this she would have never said anything and we would probably have gotten married. Dude I just don't get women then she said Now I understand when people say its not you its me. I was like what's that suppose to me. But in the long run I think its for the best and I really miss the companionship other then that I'm doing pretty well man times heals all I hope you feel better

chris08 · Nov 5, 2007, 11:43 AM

Cheers buddy. I know what you mean, It was like she was waiting for me to push her, she told me she had been thinking about it for 2 or 3 weeks, I couldn't believe it man, she used to get mad if I didn't call her she'd think I didn't really care when I did, and then when she started uni and I called her much more (only to see how she was getting on as I cared so much for her and helped her get where she is now) she said she feels like I'm putting more pressure on her and always asking what she's doing etc when I wasn't. As soon as the weekend was over all the pictures of me and her on her myspace were taken down, I felt physically sick, I get sick every morning before work because it makes me feel better, does that sound really stupid? I can't help it. It's like she doesn't care about me anymore. Out of her head and heart just like that.

chris28 · Nov 5, 2007, 03:43 PM

From my experience girls usually plan a breakup early to like basically cut emotional ties. By doing this when it happens they kind of already prepared for it. I think that's what my ex did at least I mean I don't no how she is behind close doors but I don't think she's with anyone yet. Although I do believe that she's doing well. I don't understand females and I wish I did... I do not think girls can fall out of love over night. I think it's a long coming in the making.

friend4u178 · Nov 5, 2007, 04:58 PM

Originally Posted by chris28

From my experience girls usually plan a breakup early to like basically cut emotional ties. By doing this when it happens they kind of allready prepared for it. I think thats what my ex did atleast I mean I dont no how she is behind close doors but i dont think shes with anyone yet. although i do believe that shes doing well. I dont understand females and I wish I did.... I do not think girls can fall out of love over night. I think its a long comming in the making.

Absolutely correct , they have prepared for this in advance that's why it always comes as a shock to the Dumpee and we can't understand how they can be so unaffected by it all. Hang in there and remember TIME really does make things better.

chris08 · Nov 6, 2007, 03:12 AM

If any of you was in my situation, with Christmas coming up... What would you honestly do?

1. Text 'Merry Christmas'
2. Text + a Card in the post
3. Text + Card + Present + Turn up at her house
4. Phone call Christmas Eve wishing her a good christmas.
5. Do absolutely none of these.

Miss Sparkle · Nov 6, 2007, 03:15 AM

Find someone else, don't hang on to her hoping shel call or text, its tough but chances are she won't.

iAMfromHuntersBar · Nov 6, 2007, 03:16 AM

Originally Posted by chris08

If any of you was in my situation, with Christmas coming up... What would you honestly do?

1. Text 'Merry Christmas'
2. Text + a Card in the post
3. Text + Card + Present + Turn up at her house
4. Phone call Christmas Eve wishing her a good christmas.
5. Do absolutely none of these.

5 - Every single time, even if she moves first!

chris08 · Nov 6, 2007, 07:06 AM

I don't think she will move first, well from what I've seen over the last 3 weeks. But I guess anything can happen in this world. It's a good job I didn't go out and buy her christmas presents, I was about too as well!

chris08 · Nov 6, 2007, 01:56 PM

Can I just ask something, which is pretty simple yet sounds petty.

My Ex is still on my top friends on my myspace (number one) would you remove yours altogether? I know that she will look at my myspace page for comments and any other updates when she can, she will probably remove me from hers if I do, will she think I'm not bothered about her anymore? When really I am. I don't know what to do she's really hurt me.

Used_One · Nov 6, 2007, 02:57 PM

Originally Posted by chris08

My ex finished with me after 1 and a half years, completely left me in shock and hurt. It ended with her saying "its nothing to do with you" "i wouldnt leave u for anyone else" "its just me, ive changed my life has changed" (she has just started university but lives at home, as she has always been dependant on her mom)

but my question is... when they say "i'll speak to u later" or "i'll give you a ring in the week to see how you are" she never called. (And she never texts) Can I ask what would you guys do or what you make of this?

many thanks.

Well from a girl's perspective she's probably really confused about where exactly she wants to be as far as her career , her life...
She just sounds confused and maybe a little scared but it won't hurt just to give her that space for a bit , or that time to think. But what you might want to do is give her a innocent little call , something like hey there , how've you been , I've been thinking a lot about you lately... carry it on from there , let me know how it works out

chris08 · Nov 6, 2007, 03:07 PM

That's the thing, I've been trying to not contact her, I've only rang her once in the last 2 weeks but she was driving so we didn't talk. I haven't tried to contact her, it really gets to me though when she says I'll call you soon or I'll speak to you later when she doesn't do either. I do agree with the confused bit though, as it's a big change for her. But it confuses me when people tell me to not bother with her at all, and then others say why don't u give her a call. I don't think I should call or text or email her. It just seems to upset me more when I do.

N0help4u · Nov 6, 2007, 03:08 PM

It's me not you is some girls way of *politely ditching* you.

"its just me, ive changed my life has changed" is her showing she is not ready for a relationship because she hasn't even figured her own self out yet.

"talk or call you later" is her easing her own guilt for breaking up.

Her keeping you on her myspace is her wanting to keep up to date about you because she probably hasn't really gotten over you yet either ---but I wouldn't get my hopes up even so!

friend4u178 · Nov 6, 2007, 03:15 PM

Originally Posted by chris08

If any of you was in my situation, with Christmas coming up... What would you honestly do?

1. Text 'Merry Christmas'
2. Text + a Card in the post
3. Text + Card + Present + Turn up at her house
4. Phone call Christmas Eve wishing her a good christmas.
5. Do absolutely none of these.

5. Do absolutely none of these

Chris
That's 6 weeks away , if you do this correctly with NC and LETTING GO now , you will hopefully not even be thinking about this when Xmas arrives.