[SKG0511]

Hey everyone... New here... Well I am 22 my boyfriend is 29. We've been together for 6 years living together for 3. Our relationship is dying. I have no one to talk to because I'm embarrassed. I just don't understand what's wrong with him. I am very attractive I know that I could go out and get any guy I want. I am in love with my boyfriend though. I am becoming so frustrated, depressed, upset, and self conscious over this and now I don't know what to do. Our sex life has always been good but about 2 years ago we went through a slump and my boyfriend just didn't want to have sex. We went 6 months without sex and I was about to dump him. Then I blamed myself and felt like it was half my fault because I was flat chested and insecure. So I went and got a Breat augmentation thinking that it would help me with my insecurity and ultimately our sex life. We worked it out and then we were having sex a few times a day everyday and it was great. Now I am back in the same situation. All the sudden sex just stopped. It's been about 4 or 5 months now since we've last had sex and I can't even remember the time before that. I've tried EVERYTHING Lingerie, lotions and potions HAHA, I've tried to do new things to spice it up and nothing grabs his attention. We're to a point now where if I get naked and walk around the house he doesn't even turn and look at me. He doesn't want to kiss me nothing. If I go in for a kiss he pecks me and if I ask him to kiss me better he rolls his eyes or asks me WHY. If I joke around and put his hand down my pants or on my chest he pulls it away. Im starting to feel like he is actually disgusted by me. If anyone told me this I would right away say he's cheating. But I KNOW for a fact that my boyfriend isn't cheating because he calls me 100 times whenever he's out and I never catch him in a lie I know where he is 24/7 so he's definitely not cheating. Plus we do pretty much everything together. I am so frustrated at this point I almost wish he was cheating so I could make some sense of this! What also hurts is he will watch porn when I go to bed or when I go out. Its like how could he look at porn but not want to be with me? That's how I know it has nothing to do with him being stressed or depressed or any other excuse he comes up with. It causes a lot of arguments and he says hurtful things to make me feel like its my fault. I asked him a million times why and he never wants to talk about our problems I ask him why doesn't he just break up with me and he doesn't answer me. He still talks about us getting married and having a kid soon. So I don't think he wants to break up or feels like its over. I however don't want to get married or have a baby with someone who is going to put me through this every once in awhile. I love him I don't want to leave but what do I do? Is it me? I keep asking myself what have I done? What is it about me? Did he lose interest? Am I not adventerous enough?

My other issue is we live together and have 2 cats, a dog and a parakeet and Its hard for me to end it because they are like our children and I can't imagine being separated from one of my pets or seperatng them from each other. I would also hate to take one of them away from him. Its so complicated. I feel like I'd rather just keep living here and taking care of them and letting my animals be my life and main reason to stay then break up and risk losing one or more of them and have them all be separated.

I'm starting to go nuts he refuses to talk about it. There's no affection at all in this relationship and I feel like I am starving for attention, affection, intimacy and sex. It actually crossed my mind a few times to just start going out and doing my own thing and finding someone to just have sex with but I can't do that because I truly love him and I think its wrong to do that. I've even said it to him out of anger that I'm going to find someone else that will have sex with me and he just says whatever

Please give me advice

[peggyhill]

Have you guys tried going to counseling? I think it might help. There is obviously something going on with him. Does he see a doctor regularly? Do you think he might have erectile dysfunction or something and be embarrassed to tell you? That happened with my friend and her husband. He was embarrassed to go to the doctor for it, and they just never had sex. She thought it was all about her, and it turned out it was all about him. Has this guy had any major stuff happen in the last few years? Like a family member passing away or losing his job? Maybe he is really depressed. I think you need to have a tactful conversation with him and tell him that there is a problem here and you want to get to the bottom of it. Tell him that if it's really just that he doesn't feel like having sex or is unable to, that you will understand and help him fix whatever is wrong. Tell him if it isn't that, you really need to know because you miss the intimacy you guys shared. I think you should get him to a doctor, maybe there is a medical reason for this. What I don't get is that he's looking at porn, but doesn't want sex. You would think watching the porn would make him want to more. Maybe he has some sort of porn addiction or maybe it is a medical thing. Maybe he has trouble getting an erection and is watching the porn to try and get one. (that happened with my friend and her husband too). I think something is going on and you should get him to both a doctor and a counselor. If he refuses to do anything and things continue on, you will have to decide if you can live in a basically sexless relationship. If he's still talking about wanting to marry you and have kids, that makes me wonder if it's a medical thing, like I said. Another couple of things: never get plastic surgery to please a guy and never let the fear of the unknown keep you in a relationship that you don't want to be in. If you want the breast augmentation for you because it makes you happy, then that's cool. But if he still isn't wanting sex, don't run out and get more surgery. The problem isn't how you look. I know it's hard to split up pets during a breakup. But, you have to think of it this way, better to split up pets than kids! If you marry this guy, have a kid, and then sex stops again, you would be miserable. You have to talk it out and get to the bottom of what it is. Only you can make the right decision for you, but don't stay with him because of the animals. They aren't worth your happiness. The pets will be fine, with you or with him. If you break up and he misses them that bad, you could always let him see them or vice versa. I hope this helps!

[linds03]

This is the way I acted towards my boyfriend over the last four or five months until I recently broke it off. My reason for feeling "disgusted" by him was because he chose not to go with me to college (which is 4 hrs away). So there was a lot of resentment which led to being attracted to him less and less. But now that he's gone I'm MISERABLE. (we were together 5 years) Life is not the same and I cry everyday. Your boyfriend needs a reality check. He is acting like I did and it's not right. What I would say to him is 1.we go and get counseling or 2.I'm leaving because I deserve better (and you do!) Hearing that will jerk his collar. There are no "gray" areas when it comes to love... either you do or you don't.. simple as that. If he feels differently, he at least owes you an explanation. After 6 years I think you've earned that! If things don't change please move on... it is not worth it. And he will realize (like I am now) how stupid he is for ruining what you shared. Get some balls and take care of this ASAP. You're talking about the rest of your life,here. What are you willing to settle for??

[enigmagnetic]

Really no gray areas when it comes to love? HMm that would be a good topic.