[lildebbie107]

I started dating this man at in May. We flirted for a while, and then decided to start dating. We fell in love with each other quickly, and everything was going really well. He was in an accident a few years ago, and has many physical scars that causes him problems everyday. Recently, he found out that he is ill, and he decided that he didn't want to bring me down with him, and he dumped me. I was devastated. I see him almost everyday because we work near each other, and that was all we had for a month. Our birthdays are six days apart from each other, and he called me on my birthday and I called him on his. We spoke, and he told me to have hope that we would get back together. Two days after we spoke, his best friend died, and he decided that he didn't have any hope in this world. He decided that he just wanted to die, and die alone. For a month he didn't call me, now he started to call me everyday. He talks about nothing important, and I don't know why he is calling me. I want to get back together with him, and have told him so many times how much I want to get back together. What does he want? What do I do?

[peggyhill]

It sounds like he might be depressed due to his illness and the loss of his friend. How serious is his illness? It also sounds like he does like you, but feels that he isn't up to a relationship right now. I think you should just come out and ask him what he wants. Make plans to meet for coffee or something, and have a talk. If he is still really down emotionally, see if you can get him to talk to a counselor, or at the very least, to continue talking to you about how he feels. Having an illness can create a lot of stress, and it is easy to become depressed. Not only do you have your health on your mind, but also all the doctor's bills, pharmacy bills, and so on. When he told you he wanted to die alone, he was probably speaking out of grief. But, it's still a sign he is seriously depressed. He's probably started calling you again because he is ready to talk again, and he knows that you care about him. It seems like he isn't ready for a relationship right now due to illness/depression, but he obviously considers you a good friend. Encourage him to talk to someone, or to join a support group for people with the same illness that he has. His doctor could probably help him find one. Maybe if he gets treatment for the depression, he will begin to have a more hopefull outlook on his life. If he starts feeling better, mentally and emotionally, he may also feel that he is ready to date again. Even more important, if he feels better mentally, he will be putting less stress on his body. Stress is never good for you, but especially isn't when you are trying to heal from an illness. It's good that this guy has a nice person like you in his life who supports him. Just tell him that you still like him very much, will always care about him, and want to be with him. Tell him if he isn't ready right now, that's ok- you will still be his friend. This way, he knows what you want, it opens the door to a conversation about dating, and he isn't under pressure. He needs a lot of support during this time of his life. Encourage him, support him, and be his friend. In time, maybe you will begin dating again. And, even if that doesn't happen, you will have a good friendship. I hope this helps! Good luck!