[cocochiquita]

Seems to be these pre teen years are quite a struggle. I try to pick my battles, create a positive environment etc. My daughter is 10 going on 17. We struggle about doing chores and mostly her attitude and tone. I try to implement structure and routine. I've always parented her in a friends first relationship and now I'm reverting to "I am your mother first before your friend". It's my first child so dealing with this age is new for us.
She has a hard time getting along with her step dad - and he can be in her opinion too strict and in his opinion he see's right through her. With his parenting style being more militant. Ex. Eat everything on your plate. Mine would be eat until you feel full.
Anyway I guess my question is: what are age appropriate chores, discipline and how does one deal with all the attitude without grounding their child everyday LOL!

[momincali]

Hi there, well, welcome to parenthood. Kid's will NEVER want to do their chores, I mean parents don't want to do their chores but, we must right? This is the attitude we have to share with our kids. I tell my kids that it's okay and even normal for them not to feel like doing their chores, but, there are things in life that we want to do and things that we have to do. We don't live our lives only doing what we want or feel like otherwise my husband would not go to work, we'd lose everything and end up starving and in the street (kids don't like to imagine that). I've told my kids that they don't have to like what I ask them to do, but they do have to accept it. They have no right to argue - zero! I am the parent, they are the child. They know that they can speak their mind, give their opinion, in a respectful manner, but they're given 60 seconds to debate certain things (standard everyday chores are NOT debatable), why they think they shouldn't have to do something, again, with total respect, and then I render my decision. They also know that it's a bit like an arbitration, all decisions are final and they lose the right to sue, lol! I don't take any lip, cause the second they see that you tolerate that and they can disrespect you, you've lost authority in their eyes.

We have a chore chart for each kid and I have a family calendar so I can double check and see what they're supposed to be doing. My 3 year old son has to pick up his toys, books and put his dirty clothes in the hamper. My 8 year old daughter dusts the furniture in the den and living room 1x week, makes her bed and puts her clothes in the hamper daily before she goes to school, empties the bathroom trash cans 2x a week, she feeds our 3 dogs and 2x a week picks up poop. My 17 year old daughter in addition to cleaning her bedroom, vacuums the den, sweeps and swiffer's the wood floor in the living room, puts the laundry away, cleans bathroom #1 2x a week, kitchen duty 2x a week (put away dishes, reload dishwasher, clean dinner table and wipe counters) and picks up dog poop 3x a week (my dear hubby gets the remaining 2 days a week). They all help me make dinner (we're big time cooking family).

To some people it seems excessive, it did to me at first. Then I saw that this actually gave them structure and improved their discipline in all matters. It created motivation (mom, buy me this, I want to go here... ). My kids still have plenty of time to do other stuff. They have soccer, my 17 year old is a black belt in Tae Kwan Do, they ride their bikes and love to bake and cook.

Being friendly and playful with your kids is great, even a necessity, but being friends just put me on their equal level and that didn't work too well. Hope this helps.

[momincali]

Wow! It's no wonder they call you "Wondergirl"!! Good for you!