[SB123]

My husband and I were married for 3 years and dated for 9 years. Within the last year I had heard from his friends that he was sleeping with different women. I even got his cell phone and read messages from a female. I confronted him and he stated that it was nothing. After about four of his friends telling me about the females I really started questioning the idea. My husband would stay out all night long and by the way we have a one year old daughter. Finally his best friend finally told me about a couple of the girls and went into details about the even to the fact that there was two females stating they were pregnant and my husband was the father, so at that point I was furious. I confronted one of the girls who was scarred, but did tell me she slept with him. So I finally broke down and I slept with his best friend and I let him find out about it. So we separated and he accused me of the break up said everything was my fault, that he never had an affair. Well the babies are due in January and February. Now he tries to act like he is trying to get over what I did, since he supposley didn't do anything wrong and wants to try to make it work. What am I suppose to do? What if these are his kids? I am so angry that if these are his kids I don't want my daughter to have nothing to do with the children even know its not there fault. Am I wrong for that?

[LearningAsIGo]

I don't want my daughter to have nothing to do with the children even know its not there fault. Am I wrong for that?

I realize you are extremely angry right now, but it would be very wrong of you to keep these children away from each other. I have 2 half-sisters, one of which was born to my father while he and my mother were still married. It was tough on the adults, but luckily I am a part of my sisters lives. I would have never forgiven my mother if she had kept me away from them due to her own negative feelings.

Regarding your story, I can't blame you for being enraged and wanting to hurt him like he hurt you. The sad part is, you acted in such a way that you are now no better than he is. If your marriage continues or not, I highly recommend couples therapy so you can both become friends over time for the sake of your daughter.

The fact that HIS friends called and told you these things is suspicious to me. Not saying he's innocent, but as long as he denies it, the only PROOF you'll have is if/when DNA tests are done on these babies after they're born. Until then, you'll have to wait to find out for sure.

Good luck to you.

[inthebox]

SB123 :

If he is not man enough to admit he did wrong [ you say that 1 of the girls admitted to it ]
Then ,

1] forgive him
2] let go of the anger
3] leave him and get on with your life and the life of your child


Sorry to be so blunt, but it does not seem like he thinks he did anything wrong - there is no fixing that. At least you admit to your mistake.





Grace and Peace

[donf]

SB,

I have a great deal of empathy for you, however I have to draw the line at your infidelity. No, you did not have to break down and bed down with his friend. That was just wrong on your part.

Now along with all the problems you husband caused for both him and you, you have the additional guilt that you caused for yourself. I can almost guarantee that dummy's friend is not in the least broken up that he played on you a got you to open up and invite him in.

I have to ask, what kind of friend would do that to his buddy.

My suggestion is to split from your husband as soon as you can and have nothing further to do with his friends or him.

The next time you select a hubby look real hard at his close friends. There is a great deal of wisdom in the expression, "Birds of feather flock together,"

Best of luck to you as you move forward.

[N0help4u]

That is the way guys play that game. My ex did that to me. He cheated on me all along and
I over looked it 'for the kids'. Then he started messing around with a 15 year old girl. Then
I started hanging out with a guy he knew. The very day he introduced me to the guy he started accusing me of having an on going affair with him. He knew my 4 kids were right with me 24/7 and there was no way I could actually be doing anything with him, but he always had a way of making me look like the bad guy. I ended up telling him I was through with him cause I realized it wasn't doing anything 'for the kids' by staying with him.
My neighbor had a similar problem. Her husband was cheating on her with HER sister and got her pregnant. She found out and started cheating on him and he made it sound like it was all her fault 'for cheating on him'. That is the game guys play. They are in denial and trivialize what they do wrong as 'it was nothing' because they don't want the guilt so they throw it on you and stay in denial. With an attitude like that you will never make any progress in working anything out. And what for? IF you did give it another try
He would put you on a short leash and be more 'discreet' with his same old games.
Not to mention he would 'never let you live down what YOU did wrong to mess things up'.
The best thing you can do is say 'yeah whatever' and get on with your life.

I wouldn't keep your kids away, nor bad mouth to your kids about dad, new family, etc...
Also don't take anything out on those kids-- treat them like you would any other kids.
I wouldn't necessarily go out of my way to be one big happy family either.
Just follow this rule...
When he has his visits with them that is THEIR time to develop whatever relationship with them.

[feelingnotsoattractive]

It is not the children's fault, keep reminding yourself that. You don't want to do anything that will make your children resent you later in life. Don't make excuses for your husband, but don't bad mouth him to your children either, you will be the villain in the end. If you are willing to move on with your life without him, your children will understand , maybe not now or even five years from now, but trust me, they need to see things with their own eyes and make their own interpretations. Don't keep yourself in a relationship that will constantly hurt you, you deserve much better than that and so do your children. Your children also deserve to know if they have family. Best of luck

[donf]

SB,

Playing the blame game is a waste of your time and emotions right now. You have to somehow disconnect from the pain and horrible feeling and focus on how you can protect yourself and children.

The children both born and on-the-way, are the innocents in this nonsense.

In an earlier post, someone said, "That's the way the game is played!" Fortunately for me, I have never played that game, nor do I ever want to. Furthermore thinking that this is a game is cheapening yourselves. Yes, every woman is capable of sex. However, how she chooses to have sex is usually her own business. Playing with a married guy is just asking for trouble. Playing with your hubby's "Friend" is asking for trouble and knowing that you can dish it out as well as the next gal. Don't do it. Do the opposite and be prideful of yourself.

But I do ask, why would any of you ladies out here in nowhere want to do something that cheapens your dignity and gains you only more problems.

Us guys are basically taught from just about birth to chase every girl we can find to get them in bed and make the big score. When did you ladies give up your pride to become part of the game?

I know lots of women either by work association or through my wife. Should I just jump up and say "Here I am, let me please you until you are silly and crave only me!" Not a snowball's chance in H*** of that ever happening. I would never choose to hurt my wife like that. There is just no way on this good earth that I can imagine feeling good about myself while causing that kind of pain and misery to my lady.

I apologize for the tantrum, but ladies you are killing yourselves trying to keep us guys in place with sex. We'll show up for the sex, every time. Do you think we care all that much? I honestly do not. I think we will take what we can get for as long as we can get it then move on. As an aside, I personally look at sex as a gift my wife willing gives to me. It is a sharing of her body with mine and it is something that she does not give to anyone else. Our gift, shared by us.