[heat515]

Hello all,

I broke up with my boyfriend of about six months a week ago. It was a really tough decision, but something I thought I needed to do. You see, I live in Idaho and he lives in South Dakota. We starting dating only a month and half before I moved. I told him that I was going to be moving, but he insisted we date. I liked him a lot, so said OK, but thought I would end it before I left. Well, I didn't end it and then when I moved here I realized how much I really loved him. We called each other, emailed, text messaged, whatnot to stay in contact. He came out here once and I went back there once. He was always really supportive and said we needed to keep fighting.

Well, on his birthday we got into a huge argument and discussed how different we were. He told me that he shouldn't have to call me everyday and he shouldn't have to tell me every time we talk that he loves me. He said that is how he was brought up and he knows that if we don't talk for a day our relationship will be just fine. He told me that I need to realized that he loves me and not to get so insecure about it (because I am really insecure) I didn't feel the same way and it really upset me that he thought like this. We are also really different in the things we like and how we approach situations. He is really laid back and I am not.

At first, our differences were endearing. I helped him be more social and he helped me relax. But after our big argument, things began to get really rocky. I couldn't talk to him without crying and he became really distant to me. We fought every day for two weeks until I went home for a wedding he was in. It was a bit awkward at times because we hadn't seen each other for a while, but I realized how much I missed him. I don't handle my emotions very well and when I miss him, I tend to take it out on him.

Anyway, when I got back to Idaho I was feeling horrible about our relationship. It just seemed to me that he has become very distant and trying to push me away. There was one week where we only talked once because he had midterms to study for (he is still in school, while I have graduated). I tried to be understanding, but deep down it was killing me that we didn't talk. But anytime I would bring this up to him, he would get really defensive and almost angry at me.

So one night we were talking about our relationship and I was telling him how it seemed like things were on a downhill. He said he thought things were just peachy, except for the distance part. I didn’t feel that way because I felt that I wasn’t a priority in his life. As we continued to talk, he said that he didn't know what he wants to do with his life (he graduates in December) and that he needed to decide that and if I was going to be involved in his future. This hurt me so much, but we decided we were going to take time and think things out for the both of us while remaining in a relationship.

I thought about a lot, probably way more than I needed to. I hadn't reached a real decision but I wanted to know where he was coming from so I talked to him about how he was feeling. He said he hadn't thought about his future yet and still wasn't sure what he wanted. After that conversation, I tried to go to bed but I couldn't sleep. I was so miserable because I had no idea what was going on with us.

The next day I talked to him more about it and I told him that it was killing me to just wait till he figures out what he wants when there was a 50 percent chance we would break up anyway. I told him I needed someone who is going to commit to me because I was ready to commit to him. He said that he understood but still thought he needed time. He said there is a possibility we could break up but a possibility we could stay together. We talked for a while and then I asked him if he wanted to break up and he said kind of. So I ended it there and told him that if he figures his life out and he realizes he wants me that he could give me a call. He said OK and that was it.

Now, I am absolutely miserable. I miss him so darn much and I am still so in love with him. I know that I wasn’t understanding with him and that he shows his emotions differently than I do. I really want to talk to him, but I don't know how he would react. And I really want him back, so much that I will move back to South Dakota to be with him. He said in previous conversations that if a girl broke up with him, he wouldn't try to win her back because she made that choice. I want to call him and see if there is still a future for us, but I think it might upset him. But I really want to know if there is a chance for us and if he misses me and is willing to make it work.

I know people say to go without contact for a while, but I am worried that if we don't talk he is going to lose all interest in me and there will be no chance for us at all. And I think he is too stubborn to contact me first. I feel like we can have a real future together, but we just need to get through this rocky time.
So help me. What do I do now?

[Marriedguy]

You move on.. dont move back there for him. You two are looking for two different things you are looking for a commitment and he does not even know what he wants. It didn't sound like he was entertaining the idea of move closer to you.

In time you will heal trust me.

[Cher13]

I do say do no contact for a while, who knows he might realize how much he loves you and will get a hold of you, and if he doesn't he oviously wasn't ready or willing to commit to you and that's not the type of relationship you want to be in.