[Newdayforme]

I;ve been married to my husband for 12 years. Things began deteriorating long ago. It's been 6 years since we had sex but we still live together. He pretends everything is okay and "hopes" so, but I don't. All the romance and trust has been lost, and I feel it's for good. Sometimes I feel guilty that I don't love him anymore, but then I start to fall into deep depression. I cannot stand him and we always don't see eye to eye, but there is nothing I can do about it no matter how hard I try. This is affecting my health. I have an 11-year-old daughter and I always feel sorry for her because she can sense the tension, and she's very smart. I haven't told anybody- not my mother, not my friends- about this situation except my husband himself. I can't live this kind of life anymore.
Right now I don't work, and depend on him. I "repay" whatever he is doing by raising our daughter and taking care of the household. Hopefully, I will be working soon.

How do I begin to ease out of this situation? Taking into account my daughter all the while?

[ihsanidrees]

Dear,
My sister has the same problem with her husband. It's been 8 years since they had sex but they still live together. We are Saudis and here the law gives the man the right to do anything he wants but the woman cannot. She is working and her salary is just fine but she still living with him because she cares. She cares about her kids. She does not want them to have any kind of emotional problems. Things are so confusing and depressing at the same time. If the mother left the house, people would say she is so selfish. She thinks about herself and forgets her kids. And if she stayed, she would be stupid. She is destroying herself. There is no third solution.
Listen dear!
The first thing to do is finding a job the will help you to be financially independent.
Second, finding a job would not help you financially, it will help you to meet people who have something in common.
Third, try to give few hours of your time to help other people who have same problem of yours.
Forth, Put in your mind that a divorce always a choice but you have to take your time to take it.
Fifth, Ask yourself why your husband still live with you, not way you still live with him.
Sixth, consult a psychologist and ask her to help you with your daughter in case you want to get divorced.
Lastly, sit with your daughter and take since you said she can sense the tension, and let her do the talking and let her knows the you will be always there for her.
Good luck and Sorry for not helping you that much,
Ihsan

[RubyPitbull]

I am truly sorry that you are so unhappy. This is definitely no way to live your life. You are right, your daughter knows that Mom & Dad are not happy together and that is not a good example to be setting for her. It is teaching her that this is normal. I agree that the first step is to find a job and begin to build a life outside the home. I would suggest that you find a counselor to help you with the other steps necessary to help you build a life of your own and to be financially independent of your husband. One of those steps is to find a good divorce attorney who will help you with child support and alimony to allow you to retain custody of your daughter, and possibly the home you are living in. The main concern is that you and your husband need to do what is best for your daughter. Most kids are able to adjust better if they can continue to live in the family home.

One of the resources to help you get started would be to take a look at the Table of Contents in your regional yellow pages under Community Resources. Under that title, there should be a page for Helpful Numbers. Go to that section and look for the numbers under Family Support Services. There should be listings for counseling, along with a listing for WISE (Women's Information Service). They should be able to advise you as to what counselors are available for women in your area, along with divorce attorneys.

Another resource can be found on this link: The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory

Both of those are good starting points. They are your best bets to begin finding a way to work with your husband without his harboring ill feelings toward you. I wish you the best of luck.