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catitude · Oct 27, 2007, 10:50 PM

I'm 11 and every Monday at school we have this band and it's mandatory I really have trouble reading music notes just because I can't remember them and the teacher really puts pressure on everyone it's really hard because we have a test every second week and I go up front and I have to play in front of everyone and I get so nervous and my face goes really red
And then I really suck and the teacher's like I'm very disappointed with you and then I feel like I've let everyone down and then I feel really bad for the rest of the day then one day the teacher called me into his office and we had this talk about how if I don't get better I'll fail and I explained to him I just can't do it and he says just practice so once I practiced every night for an hour then when we had a test I still sucked so when I got home I started cutting myself and throwing myself onto the wall because I felt like I sucked so bad and I was worthless I thought that I deserved this then my mum came in and saw me and she got really angry and started yelling at me and saying why would you do this to yourself and I just sat there when she left I felt really bad so I put my compass through my finger then I just started crying uncontrollably
And I just ran away up to the nature reserve I stayed there for 2 nights then my dad came and took me back home now we have a test tomorrow and I'm really nervous I thought of killing myself just because I'm really scared of how I will go and I don't know what to do and I can't talk to anyone because I just start crying and then I feel embarrassed and then I just can't talk to them my throat locks up and I just run away I hate going to school on mondays that once I slashed my mums tyres just so we didn't have to go but I still had to go because dad came and picked me up. Can someone tell me what to do I really don't know what to do...

Clough · Oct 27, 2007, 11:08 PM

What instrument do you play, please?

catitude · Oct 27, 2007, 11:12 PM

Originally Posted by Clough

What instrument do you play, please?

I play Trombone.

Clough · Oct 27, 2007, 11:15 PM

Good caring answer above! I do have to agree to a lot of it!

Originally Posted by catitude

I play Trombone.

Do you have trouble positioning where the notes should be on the slide? I know that it can be hard to remember where they are.

KBC · Oct 28, 2007, 04:48 AM

Hi,

I read your post and really feel for you.

My first thought was to see the school councilor, this situation is their job!( if you don't have a councilor, then the principal, someone you trust and are in authority, nurse even)

An adult in the school will help you, but you have to be honest with them, just as you were honest with us here.If you copy this post and take it in, you could let them read your feelings, then go from there.

You might feel ashamed from the cutting, but that does need to stop, taking yourself out of band is not a negative thing if your emotional health is being compromised.

You ran away to the nature preserve, that is a wonderful place to regain serenity, remember that place in the future, I find outdoors to be a great place for solitude and tranquility, peace is always a few steps away.

Please take our answers to heart, seek the help with an adult within the school, you won't regret the effort, it is your future were concerned with.

Let us know how things went,

Ken

catitude · Oct 29, 2007, 01:24 AM

Hi, We had the test today and I sucked like usual the teacher went spaz at me and started yelling and said if you don't improve you will fail this class then I got sent out so I was sitting out in the corridor when the principal walked by and asked me why I wasn't in class I said that the teacher kicked me out because I wasn't good enough then the principle had a talk with my teacher and that got me some revenge on him which made me feel a little better then at lunch I was feeling really down so I went to the toilets and cried then when we had class everyone was calling me a sook and I felt like cutting myself because I thought I deserved it but then I remembered what you guys said and I just started working on my assignment I have trouble reading the notes in my book and I have trouble making high notes like G's I don't really want to talk to an adult about this because I'm not really comfortable talking face to face about my problem I want to stop band but my mum is really like she'll say c'mon you can do it your better than that and she won't let me pull out of band because she doesn't know how hard it is. I really need help I'm feeling really down because if I fail one more test I'll fail this class and then my mum will get really angry with me and say that I could've done better and that I didn't try hard enough and then I would have to have a "talk" with my dad.

Clough · Oct 29, 2007, 01:29 AM

What time and day is it where you are now?

catitude · Oct 29, 2007, 01:33 AM

It's 7pm Monday 29th of October

Clough · Oct 29, 2007, 01:37 AM

Originally Posted by catitude

It's 7pm Monday 29th of October

What country are you in, please? It's 3:36 a.m. where I am now. That is in the MidWestern united states. By the way, I was a music teacher in schools for many years. I also have taught band and play a number of instruments.

catitude · Oct 29, 2007, 01:38 AM

I'm in Australia

Clough · Oct 29, 2007, 01:40 AM

Originally Posted by catitude

I'm in Australia

Thanks for the clarification. What grade are you in?

catitude · Oct 29, 2007, 01:40 AM

I'm in Year 6

KBC · Oct 29, 2007, 01:44 AM

So young to have so much pain.

I really do wish you would seek adult help,the feelings of cutting are not something that just go away,and your teen years are just ahead.

Can you write a letter and leave it for someone to look at?

Clough · Oct 29, 2007, 01:49 AM

Originally Posted by KBC

So young to have so much pain.

I really do wish you would seek adult help,the feelings of cutting are not something that just go away,and your teen years are just ahead.

Can you write a letter and leave it for someone to look at?

You really do need to seek adult help in your personal issues as to how you feel about yourself and what you are doing to yourself. Writing a letter would be a good thing.

I would like to know what is the main thing that is bothering you. If it revolves around the issue of being a musician and being successful at it, then it might be something about which we should discuss.

catitude · Oct 29, 2007, 01:50 AM

I could write a letter but I wouldn't really want anyone to come talk to me about it I would just cry and wouldn't be able to stop if someone tried I'm crying right now I just don't think I would be able to talk to someone about it I just start crying and crying and crying we have dinner now so I'll be back in about 15 minutes

Clough · Oct 29, 2007, 01:52 AM

Originally Posted by Clough

Do you have trouble positioning where the notes should be on the slide? I know that it can be hard to remember where they are.

I did ask you the above question earlier in this thread. Would you mind answering it, please! :)

Clough · Oct 29, 2007, 01:53 AM

Originally Posted by catitude

we have dinner now so i'll be back in about 15 mins

Okay.

catitude · Oct 29, 2007, 02:52 AM

Yeh I do have trouble rememberring the slide position plus I can't read the notes plus I can't make high notes like G's

Clough · Oct 29, 2007, 02:55 AM

Hi! You are back! I am here. For how long, I'm not really sure. It is very early (late) for me.

Do you take private lessons from anyone? Do you get private lessons in school?

catitude · Oct 29, 2007, 03:00 AM

We have a lesson every week on Monday after the test that teaches us stuff but the teacher has pretty much given up on me so I sit there and pretend to know what I'm doing.