[Mltabby]

I met this wonderful guy about 6 months ago, and he seemed to be everything I wanted. He got along great with my family and friends. That meant a lot to me. Well, we rushed and moved too fast and I ended up moving in with him. About a month later I was pregnant. He started changing, as in not wanting me to go around my family. If he couldn't go, I couldn't go. He got angry with me when they would call of if I was on the phone period. He changed completely for the worse. He started calling my friends asking them if I was cheating on him. All I did was work and come home, because if I was 5 minutes late, he was calling. His mother and aunt started trying to tell me what to do, and that when the baby was born, they where going come and teach me how to raise the baby. I left. I couldn't handle it anymore.
To make a long story short, he hasn't even cared to ask me about our child, he only wants to know about me and what I am doing, if I am dating anyone, just anything concerning me. I am due in March. He finally contacted me the other day, and told me that he was signing the birth certificate and the baby was getting his last name whether I liked it or not. A big problem I have is, he likes his prescription drugs a lot. He would never tell me why he was on them, just that he was depressed. He has been on them for over 3 yrs. I don't want him signing the certificate. I am in fear for the safety of my child if he does get visitation. His mother and aunt are a threat because they want him to fight for full custody. I live in TN. I just need to know what my rights are as a mother and what I am allowed to do and not allowed to do. It is not personal, just for the safety of my baby. I don't want my child having to go through this.

[macksmom]

Easy solution... don't tell him when you go into labor. He sounds like he does nothing but cause you stress, which is one thing you don't need more of when you go in to labor.

If you don't tell him when you go into labor, you can have the baby, and give it whatever last name you want... it will prevent a fight... bottomline, you are not married... you can give the child whatever last name you choose.

As far as the birth certificate goes, he has a right to sign it. I mean you could sign it and file it without him on it, but he could file in court to have his name added.
And the same thing goes with visitation. He is entitled to it. He is the child's father. Unless you can prove he is a danger to the child, he will get visitation.
And don't worry at all about him getting full custody... number one it is extremely hard to take custody away from a mother who is clearly fit... he would have to prove you unfit, and him more fit to care for the baby to get full custody.

[Mltabby]

Thank you so much. This is my first child and I am just really scared because he is the type to cause whatever drama he can to get his way. I will take your advice. Thanks so much.

[macksmom]

Thank you so much. This is my first child and I am just really scared because he is the type to cause whatever drama he can to get his way. I will take your advice. Thanks so much.

You're very welcome.

If he somehow finds out that you are in labor, you can refuse anyone you don't want to be in the delivery room. This is your time, and you don't need the added stress.

But I would try and work at getting a civil relationship with him for your child's sake. It is much easier down the road. Now trust me, it's not an easy thing to do. My daughters father and I were at each others throats and it caused him to stop seeing my daughter for 4 years (she is only 5). But he recently came back into the picture and we realized we needed to put all our personal feelings aside and have a good relationship for our daughter. And it works rather well.

Just be prepared to end up in court for visitation, even if you think you both can work out an arrangement on your own... personally, I think it is wiser to have it set through the courts. That way personal feeling can't hinder the visitation, and everything is plainly laid out. I would also get in touch with your local child support office. While you can't file anything before the baby is born, I was able to get all the paperwork and fill it all out, add the rest when my daughter was born, and file it 3 days after she was born.

Good luck with everything.

[JudyKayTee]

In this State he cannot add his name to the birth certificate without a paternity test - I question if he'll spend the money if he's just doing this to hassle you. On the other hand if he is the father and wants visitation, he will probably receive it, perhaps supervised, perhaps not. If he is the father and tries for visitation the Court will order him to pay support. As far as saying you are unfit, he has to prove it so I would not worry about that. And, yes, you can keep anybody out of the delivery room/hospital. The hospital CAN limit your visitors and keep him out entirely.

[famlee]

His name can be added by a sworn affidavit, however it must be signed by BOTH of you.

68-3-305. Father's name on birth certificate — Surname of child. —

That link talks about establishing paternity and the surname of the baby.

(5) If, within the first year after the child's date of birth, the parents cannot mutually agree on a surname, either one can submit a signed, sworn statement that acknowledges the disagreement, states the father was not available within the time allowed by law for filing of the birth certificate to participate in the choice of his child's surname, and requesting that the name be changed to the father's surname, in which case the father's surname shall be entered on the amended birth certificate as the surname of the child.
(b) (1) If the mother was not married at the time of either conception or birth or between conception and birth, the name of the father shall not be entered on the certificate of birth and all information pertaining to the father shall be omitted, and the surname of the child shall be that of either:
(A) The surname of the mother;
(B) The mother's maiden surname; or
(C) Any combination of the surnames listed in subdivisions (b)(1)(A) and (b)(1)(B).
(2) (A) If an original, sworn acknowledgment signed by both the mother and the biological father of a child, on a form provided by the state registrar or the department of human services, is submitted to the office of vital records at any time prior to the child's nineteenth birthday, the legal surname of the father may be entered on the certificate as that of the child, and the father's name and other personal information may be entered in the spaces provided on the birth certificate, notwithstanding the absence of a marriage relationship between the parents of the child.
(B) The acknowledgment form shall be in the form of an affidavit, shall contain the social security numbers of the mother and father of the child and shall be approved by the state registrar and the department of human services. The state registrar and the department of human services shall modify the form to comply with the minimum regulations for the form, which are finalized by the secretary of health and human services. An acknowledgment executed in conformity with this section shall be valid as long as it is executed on a form approved by the state registrar and the department of human services. A voluntary acknowledgment of paternity may be completed by a minor, if a parent or legal guardian of the minor is present and consents at the time of completion of the acknowledgment.

[JudyKayTee]

That is obviously the law; however, I have been in Family Court when the Judge has required a paternity test before allowing the father to add his name to the birth certificate. Perhaps the Judge is thinking about down the road if paternity is questioned. Surprised that the law is one thing and a Judge has added the requirement -

[macksmom]

That is obviously the law; however, I have been in Family Court when the Judge has required a paternity test before allowing the father to add his name to the birth certificate. Perhaps the Judge is thinking about down the road if paternity is questioned. Surprised that the law is one thing and a Judge has added the requirement -

That is only the case if it is not established at the birth. Most of this stuff is taken care of in the hospital. The parents are given the papers to sign acknowleding paternity and then signing the birth certificate.

If she doesn't have him at the hospital and he isn't given these things to sign, she can file the birth certificate leaving the father as "unknown". But he can go to court, and then he will most likely be required to take a paternity test to be added to the birth certificate after the fact.