[shazee08]

I have liked this guy at my work for a few months now and only got the courage to let him know when I left (a month ago) I sent him an email to say that I would like to keep in touch with him and he replied totally ignoring that part but asking me how I was and that "they" missed me at work. Anyway I left it thinking that he didn't want me. 3 weeks later I was invited to a dinner by my ex-workmates at this same company. I went thinking it would be weird meeting up with this guy, but to my complete amazement he actually opened up to me saying he had deliberately worded that email for his benefit and not mine, he went on to say he had never felt this way before. I was stunned that he had actually gone out of his way to say this as he was what one would consider a very reserved individual. After dinner on the way home, he actually held my hand. I was over the moon. Anyway he didn't call me over the weekend so I sent him an email the following Monday. To my surprise he replied saying he found me interesting and attactive but it was unexcusable on his part to lead me on and that he couldn't see an "us" becoz we were so different, i.e. he was an introvert and I was an extrovert. My question is: do guys really believe that this difference in character will affect their relationships or is this an excuse and a nice way of saying he's not that into me. By the way for all you teenagers out there, I am 35 and still having the same problems with boys as you... it never ends!

[Stringer]

I am not sure which it may be, could be an excuse. But I have found over the years that the more things you have in common the better it is. In the extreme; opposites do not attract over the long run.

[statictable]

Has little to do with opposites getting along and more to do with his self awareness on his part. Some men who could be considered introverts have a huge identity problem when sharing the room with a woman of your nature. He's very aware of this and probably experienced this identity problem many times while you worked in a shared environment. He most likely thinks the world of you and would love to share life with you but his reaction to an outgoing woman as yourself is far to painful to ignore and your not in a spot where you can suggest he schedules a visit with the town shrink. Try to keep an open line with him but at a distance for now. Best to you both.

[statictable]

Stringer makes a good point; "interests or lack of" may conflict. My read of Shazee's post set into motion two people; one an introvert and the second an extrovert. They both recognize that fact and further we see a man who can't be with her because he's an intro-V and she an extro-V. They did not get past that point. I agree that many relationships fail due to conflicts which arise from opposing views, styles, goals etc. but the door closed for Shazze for one stated reason which preceded any movement toward relationship development. In this case I don't have a clue to how this couple would deal with their opposing views because that exercise never took place. The only exercise demonstrated was his projection of their future based on his introversion and her extroversion which is like a man not wanting to get on a commercial airliner because he was born without wings. There are many reasons for this wingless man to avoid air travel. Most of us could list a few but Wingless will have just 2 words on his list; "I'm wingless" and that's where the door closes for him. Best wishes Shazee and my respects to Stringer a person of integrity and empathy.

[Stringer]

Stringer makes a good point; "interests or lack of" may conflict. My read of Shazee's post set into motion two people; one an introvert and the second an extrovert. They both recognize that fact and further we see a man who can't be with her because he's an intro-V and she an extro-V. They did not get past that point. I agree that many relationships fail due to conflicts which arise from opposing views, styles, goals etc. but the door closed for Shazze for one stated reason which preceded any movement toward relationship development. In this case I don't have a clue to how this couple would deal with their opposing views because that exercise never took place. The only exercise demonstrated was his projection of their future based on his introversion and her extroversion which is like a man not wanting to get on a commercial airliner because he was born without wings. There are many reasons for this wingless man to avoid air travel. Most of us could list a few but Wingless will have just 2 words on his list; "I'm wingless" and that's where the door closes for him. Best wishes Shazee and my respects to Stringer a person of integrity and empathy.

Thank you for your compliment, very kind. As I stated earlier I am not sure that this is not an excuse. He may have other intentions/reasons. But it is certainly a fallacy that "north and south" attract. In a serious relationship too many daily occurrences, personal interests, objectives, etc that will challenge constantly.

[Wondergirl]

The psychiatrist Carl Jung wrote about the "shadow," the part of the unconscious self that a conscious mind sees as undesirable and tries to define as the "other." Others have written essays and articles about how a person might project the shadow self onto a significant other or spouse. Psychologist Maggie Scarf posits that we may indeed unconsciously choose one who is our opposite in attitude or mood or personality, a choice that later causes us confusion and anger toward the other, whose fault it is not.

For instance, I am a lively outgoing person who, forty years ago, married a morose, introverted guy. His glass is nearly empty; my glass is always full to overflowing. He saves stuff; I am a minimalist. He always hated school; I have earned advanced degrees. He deliberates and deliberates and can't make a decision; I think things through and make fairly quick decisions. Are we each other's shadow selves?

Are you and he attracted to your shadow selves? Can it work? Yes, I believe it can IF you are mindful of your differences and are willing to work with them and around them.