[mr_X]

I broke up with my girlfriend of 10 months she is in a depression home for a month she can only call me I can't call her I've talked to her everyday and even visited her once but we got into the big fight and I told her don't call me for a couple of days I love her still very much and I would hate to think I'm the man that messed up her life she said the only reason she isn't going awol is because I talk to her everyday she tells me she cries every night and she tells me she wants me back when she gets out (which will be right before thanksgiving) its been hard for me even though we are not together I still want to be there for her but the fact I'm away from her has made me hang with my friends every night so I don't get lonely but I find myself slowly getting over her and that makes me sad because the only thing keeping her going in the depression home is the thought of us being together again and yes I have thought about it but we got into this big fight and I told her not to call me till Friday this was on Monday yet she has called me everyday and everyday I don't pick up I break down and cry because I know she is hurting by herself should I pick up the phone?

[jeffatl]

Take it easy bro, I know this is tuff for you and you really need to ask yourself some BIG questions here. I think if you are going to fight if you see her, NO you should see her. She needs support here, and you can give that to her without leading her on. I would tell her that you are here for her (DO NOT FIGHT WITH HER NO MATTER WHAT!! ) if she starts fighting with you, just grit your teath and let her vent. This girl NEEDS support!! I would tell her that you don't think it would be good for either of you to get back together right now because SHE needs to get her life back on track first, and then MAYBE you can see where it goes from there. I am WARNING you BIG TIME here buddy, if you take her back when she gets out of there, she will be hounding you like crazy and your relationship will be miserable. Take it one step at a time and check your ego at the door if you go and see her. She is in that place for a good reason, so just take that into consideration. Another thing, DO NOT PITTY HER AND TAKE HER BACK!! You will lose ALL respect for her, and again your relationship will be crap. Support suppot support, if you can't give her that right now, you are doing more harm than good. This is going to be a long term thing with this girl, so you need to ask yourself if you can really cope with the mood swings she is going to have, most likely for the rest of her life. I don't know how old she is, but depression like this is usually a life long struggle. I think it should be fine for you to talk to her and SUPPORT her, but don't lead her on, let her know that SHE needs to get her life back on track and you will be there to help her out (if you can). Good luck bud, this is going to be tuff.

[fredg]

Hi,
I seriously doubt that you breaking up with her caused this depression. She had to be depressed about something before this, or have some other deep lying problems. This was probably just the "straw that broke the camel's back".
Normally, just one instance will not lead to severe depression. It usually takes more than just this.
My suggestion would be to go to the depression home, make an appointment with the Administrator or the Head of Nursing, The Social Worker, or whoever. Talk with them and get their opinion on whether you should have contact with this person at all. By getting a Professionals opinion on what to do, you will know if you are doing the right thing!
If you don't want to do that, your actions, one way or the other, might be causing more harm than good.
I am not a Professional in Depression, but just my own opinion is that by staying in contact would her will do her more harm than good. She is trying to get over deep depression, and all you will do is to remind her of breaking up with her.
As far as you crying about it, I am sorry to hear this. It is something that you will have to deal with, because she can't help you with it; she has her own problems now. Get out and meet new people. Talk with others, and it will help take your mind off this. You will get over it eventually, but it will take some time. I believe you are right by not answering the phone. But, PLEASE talk with a Professional at the home about what you should do, if anything.

[Katiy]

Why are you trying to disturb her world? What is your deal? The way you communicate sucks.