[brandileigh]

My husband and I have been married 6months. We have lived together for 2 years before our marriage. Needless to say we've been together a little while. When I met my husband I was 18 and 110 pounds and my husband told me every day how lucky he was to have a girl as beautiful as me. He would constantly show me off to his friends. And I admit I kind liked how he always was all over me. Now that you have some background. In the last six months I've gained kind weight from being in a car accident and not being able to walk for a few months. I weigh about 130 now and have be trying to get back to the old me. I don't know how it happed, but it did. I'm kind chubby for my height. How does this affect my marriage? In more ways then I thought possible. I've lost my attention from him, and I was told today that he's just not attracted to me like he was before. He's gone all the time now. No more little gifts or weekend trips. If he is so in love with me shouldn't he want to have sex with me even with the weight. Why does he make me feel so so bad about myself. I'm reminded all the time by him that I'm on a diet. Our sex life is gone, and Im not sure even if I lose the wight if it will come back. Im constantly crying and depressed about this. This is not who I am. I'm a happy person. I know that he's just trying to help me lose weight to save our marriage and sex life. But I'm starting to feel like the only reason he's with me is to have a perfect wife.

I'm now 21 and still am not that bad looking. I mean not enough for this sort of complete turn off sex. Is this normal. Do men always want their wife's to be perfect. I am tired of the arguments about my weight or how many calroies I ate that day. Or him not talking or being interested in me at all anymore. I never thought that 20 pounds could make my marriage and life so hard.

If anybody can take what I say and help me with their opinion it would be appreciated.

[erlobenauer]

Brandileigh -

I'm sorry to say this, but your spouse seems very shallow. You are right, 20 pounds shouldn't make or break a marriage when you love someone. I don't really have much advice - but I do want to tell you this : Don't lose the weight for him, lose it for you. If you feel bad about yourself, then fix it for YOU. Your husband should love you whether you're 100 pounds or 150 pounds. I myself would LOVEEE to be 130 pounds,but Im not - and my husband is OK with that.

Don't spend your life dieting over 20 pounds just to make certain your husband has a trophy wife again. It is important for marrieds to be physically attracted to one another, but love and marriage runs a lot deeper than the few pounds you put on throughout your marriage. I would talk to him and tell him how much this hurts you, and your marriage. What's he going to say once you have his children?

Good luck girl, I'm sure your beautiful just the way you are.

[JoeCanada76]

130 pounds is a great weight. If your husband does not show your love to you just because of gaining some weight then he is a very shallow man and obvioulsly only was attracted to you for showing you off as a prize. This person needs help. If he is always putting you down and criticizing you maybe it is time for counseling. Divorce is last resort. Personally what your going through now is emotional abuse and you do not need it or deserve it. Take action and get your life back and stop his behaviour towards you. Remember try counseling, and etc, and then it is up to you whether you want to continue living this way.

Joe

[donf]

Brandi,

When I married my wife she was around 120 to 130. I'm not sure because I never really worried about her weight. The entire package that my lady was wrapped in was absolutely perfect.

42 years later I still see the young girl. Guess what, I believe that the adage, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." is 100% accurate.

Now there is zero intent to deny that there have been physical changes since then. For instance I went from brown hair to non-brown hair, and my world or Bon's did not end.

Ask your husband why you have to accept him as he is yet he demands you meet an image that exist in his mind. He really has to learn what he can control and what he cannot. And he cannot control you or your physical attributes, perfect as they are!

[Lowtax4eva]

I think what's trying to be said is your husband is a complete jerk if this is bothering him. It's shallow and rude to treat you different cause you gained a few pounds, especially if there was a medical reason why you couldn't maintain your current weight.

This is his problem not yours.

[beatlejuice]

Ask your husband if he really loves you or if he was just infatuated by your looks. Beauty is very transtory. One day you will both age so will he leave you and discard you because of it. He is supposed to stick by you through the good and the bad. And you were in an accident. He is just a jerk and you need to talk to him about his rude behavior