[Nickita1986]

Please help me,
I am 21 years old and pregnant with my first child. I am still with the father who I have been with for 5 years. Initially I was very excited about having this baby, I'm already in love with it now, and would die for it. However I am very frightened now because I think I am going to be a horrible mother. Before I was pregnant I hated myself anyway because I seem to always hurt people I love, like my boyfriend. I always upset him. I also feel like a failure because my mother always had high hopes for me to have my name in lights as did I. But now I have gone and got myself pregnant at 21 and have done nothing with my life, so she will never be proud of me, and that makes me sick thinking about it. Before I was pregnant I used to cut myself if I had hurt someone to punish myself, so maybe I should be in some sort of loony bin, maybe that's the best place for me, Now I am pregnant I do not cut myself anymore, but I do get extremely angry very quickly and I can't control my anger, I cry a lot too. I can't find a job, after applying for over 15 this month, and I can't get out of bed in the morning. I sometimes sleep till 1 in the afternoon! The other day I threw a glass at my sister, then afterwards I couldn't believe what I had done. I think I have a multiple personality. I get very scared of myself after I do something like that. I am worried I will ruin my child's life. I don't want it to be frightened of me, and I don't want it to have a horrible human being as a mother, its not fair.
If someone could help me in the respect of options. I don't know whether I should just have my boyfriend raise the baby and for him to find a nice girl who would treat my child right. But then again if he made all the decisions I wouldn't be happy with my baby seeing his dad because he abused me when I was 14, yet my boyfriend still see's him, his mother is a dangerous alcoholic too which would scare me! Or should I have it adopted into a nice loving family. I just feel it would be cruel for me to have a child when I am such a bad person. I have tried anger management and counseling. They did work but I think I am as good as I could ever be, and that is not good enough for me baby. All I want is for my child to be in the best environment possible.

[Foxy459459]

First of all I think your mom is right about being a loving mother. But if you are that worried, then maybe you need to go back to counceling, and anger management. Your only as good as you want to be, if you want to get better bad enough you will do what ever it takes to do it. If you love this baby and die for it already then you have already made it half way. You have to be paient things don't happen over night. Just because you got pregnant at 21 doesn't mean anything. I was 15 when I had my son. It takes a strong person to be a mom. And 95% of it is just love. I would go and see someone and see if they can help you with your anger problems, and your emotional problems. Good luck to you and your unborn baby...

[cchotiner333]

I think that you should just take some deep breaths and relax. Try not to be so hard on yourself. I got pregnant when I was 18 and I was very scared. Now he is almost 10 and he's fine. I can't say that it has been a field full of flowers or anything, but it's been well worth it. I also have to say, it could be worse, I was in a shelter when I was 13 and there was this girl who lived there that was 15, already had a 2 year old and was pregnant with twins. That always makes me feel better about my situation. Sad but true.
And about the cutting and having a grip on your anger, try to find a different kind of vent, when I was younger, I used to write, that always helped and I could look back at my thoughts and analyze the things that were bothering me and help me get a grip, and try walking or something else that isn't too strenuous, hence your pregnancy, the obstetrician could give you some suggestions on healthy things to get involved in for stress relief. I wish you well. I'm here if you need someone to talk to. You can email me If you want to. My email address is: EMAIL REMOVED. I feel that I can relate very well, I felt the same.

[Foxy459459]

I think that you should just take some deep breaths and relax. Try not to be so hard on yourself. I got pregnant when I was 18 and I was very scared. Now he is almost 10 and he's fine. I can't say that it has been a field full of flowers or anything, but it's been well worth it. I also have to say, it could be worse, I was in a shelter when I was 13 and there was this girl who lived there that was 15, already had a 2 year old and was pregnant with twins. That always makes me feel better about my situation. Sad but true.
And about the cutting and having a grip on your anger, try to find a different kind of vent, when I was younger, I used to write, that always helped and I could look back at my thoughts and analyze the things that were bothering me and help me get a grip, and try walking or something else that isn't too strenous, hence your pregnancy, the obstetrician could give you some suggestions on healthy things to get involved in for stress relief. I wish you well. I'm here if you need someone to talk to. You can email me If you want to. My email address is: EMAIL REMOVED. I feel that I can relate very well, I felt the same.

You should really listen to her. I think what she says can really help.