[intothefizzy]

I am currently in a very touchy situation concerning my son and what rights I have.
He is 7 years old and lives with his mother. I see him on the weekends and am a regular active part of his life.

My name is not on his birth certificate. Even though I have been paying child support since he was born. The court ordered a paternity test, so that has been established for almost 8 years now. I am having trouble getting information on how to get my name on the certificate. The employees at the vital statistics office are not very helpful. I live in Duval county Florida and he was born in daytona (volusia county).

Currently His mother is neglecting her duties as a mother, his school work is suffering and she refuses to talk to me about helping him with his homework and establishing a routine for him after school. She has ignored several attempts by his teacher to meet with her about his behavior and has not helped him with ANY home work this year, not one assignment, she says she's too stressed. I went down and met with the teacher myself in the end, and they impressed that his behavior was unacceptable and that he needed to be worked with at home. I work Nights from 5pm to 4am. She Works days. When I try to talk to her about this she gets aggressive angry and orders me away or hangs up the phone. Now she is threatening to move out of the city in the middle of the school year. I am at my wits end. I don't know what else to do. I have offered to take him for a few months because she says she's to stressed out, But she refuses siting that I'm trying to "mess with her money".
I feel like I have no options here. Like my hands are tied. Her family has money that I can't imagine having. So brining her to court for custody is VERY intimidating. And What ground do I have to stand on? He's not being beaten or starved, but he is being neglected emotionally.

I could really use some advice, some direction. Please.

[excon]

Hello in:

Having your name on the birth certificate gives you no more rights than you already have.

From what you said, she doesn't sound like a great mom. She also doesn't sound like a mom who's neglecting her child, so you're not going to get more visitation using that. Sure, you can hire a lawyer and try to get more visitation, but that's probably not going to happen.

Although it may not be a practical solution for you, but when I was up against the same situation with my 7 year old son, I moved a block and a half away from them. It worked pretty good. I was no longer a visitor, but a dad.

excon

[intothefizzy]

Hello in:

Having your name on the birth certificate give you no more rights than you already have.

From what you said, she doesn't sound like a great mom. She also doesn't sound like a mom who's neglecting her child, so you're not going to get more visitation using that. Sure, you can hire a lawyer and try to get more visitation, but that's probably not gonna happen.

Although it may not be a practical solution for you, but when I was up against the same situation with my 7 year old son, I moved a block and a half away from them. It worked pretty good. I was no longer a visitor, but a dad.

excon

I am exploring getting custody. Not more visitation.
HIs behavior as well as his grades have deteriorated Dramatically this year. And this is the first year she's been responsible for his after school care. Prior years My sister took care of him after school but she is no longer able to after having her second child.
However, I think you're right. I may need to be more aggressive, make more changes in my life, as its apparent she's not intending to make any in hers.

[famlee]

I work Nights from 5pm to 4am. She Works days. When I try to talk to her about this she gets aggressive angry and orders me away or hangs up the phone. Now she is threatening to move out of the city in the middle of the school year. I am at my wits end. I don't know what else to do. I have offered to take him for a few months because she says she's to stressed out,. But she refuses siting that i'm trying to "mess with her money".

Just a question... If you work nights from 5pm to 4am... how would the after school situation be changed if he came and stayed with you for a few months?

I am assuming you have a responsible family member that would be able to watch him and care for him each evening?

If so, would this person be willing to care for him for a few hours each evening, even if he lived with his mother?

You say that the mother refuses to let you keep him for a few months because " you are trying to mess with her money" , which I assume means she is talking about the child support you would not have to pay.

Now, I don't know your money situation, so this may not be feasible, but could you offer to let him live with you for a few months to allow her to some time to get things together and not change the child support, let it stand as is?

I have never had to deal with an ex and pray I never do, but have a few friends in situations similar.

The best way I have seen for you to deal with her, is approach her in a manner where it comes across that you are trying to help her. You are trying to make things easier for her. The whole intentions is improving things with your son's emotional well being and his behavior and grades at school, but when you say that to her, she thinks you are criticizing her parenting. Coming across that you are doing it for her, might make her more willing to be acceptable to it.

If you are truly interested in gaining custody, by being willing to pay child support for a few months, even though he is living with you, could help you in the long run. You have school documentation of his actions as of now. He comes to live with you and things improve drastically. This benefits you when fighting for custody.

Just some suggestions.