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Lover85 · Oct 20, 2007, 05:44 AM

I'll try and keep this short

I'm a gay man who is dating a bi-sexual man. He's not fully "out the closet" but we still have a fun and varied social life.

The thing is sex. When we're having foreplay he's as hard as a rock, but when it comes to anal sex he goes soft. We're both versitile, which just means we both give & receive anal but he's never managed to keep an erection when giving but can keep an erection when he's receiving anal.

So he asked if we could try watching some porn (gay) when having sex and he managed to keep his erection the whole time.

I'm worried that there's something wrong, he won't talk about it. I thought at first because I was his first male partner that he would be anxious about his performance, but now I'm just worried that he doesn't like me enough to have sex with me.

I don't understand, I'm only 22 and have never experienced something like this

Can anyone help and advise me?

phillysteakandcheese · Oct 22, 2007, 02:56 PM

Straight or gay... People that can only "get off" while watching porn have an unrealistic view of sex and what sex means in a relationship.

I often think people like this are in constant "fantasy mode", and when there isn't something in the fantasy to focus on, they lose it.

It's probably not you specifically - It would be anybody he was with that wasn't feeding his "fantasy of the moment". And unfortunately, you won't be able to keep up with his fantasy as it will change and escalate over time.

Straight men get into the same mindset - I don't think it is much different for a gay man... the object for desire isn't the object itself, it's the surrounding fantasy.