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snuffy · Oct 18, 2007, 04:16 PM

I have been having sex with my girlfriend unprotected for a few months now.

We used to make love with condoms, but one night late in June she wanted it badly and I said I would fetch a condom but she insisted. So just for that one time early I went along with it, got caught up in the heat of the moment and had sex without a condom and ejaculated inside her.

I said 'promise me that you will seek emergency contraception' and she said she would and she did.

Then for a while we talked about contraception and I said get the pill or an injection etc, or I will wear a condom without any hesitation.

She said she prefers sex without a condom but she doesn't want to get the pill or other methods because she will get fat, in her own words (which I keep telling her is a myth).

Well we still have unprotected sex, and I relaise I am as stupid as she is because I go along with it an dhope for the best (i.e that she will not fal pregnant). There was this one time I even put the condom out and said 'we have to use this' and she still didn't want to.

Now I fully know I am playing Russian roulette with this and she could wind up pregnant. It is not my desire or intention at all, though I will deal with it if we do become pregnant. (ie stand by a baby)

I know how ridiculously stupid this is yet I go along with it.

I do not understand her relucatnce to seek contraception. She knows the risk, but should I ban all sex until this is sorted? Because if I don't I will be winding up a father to be very soon indeed.

I even had a dream last night about an ultrasound scan at 12 weeks and this has never happened before.

How can I approach this sensitively to her. I enjoy the sex with or without a condom but I feel she should go on the pill if she doesn't want me wearing a condom.

J_9 · Oct 18, 2007, 04:22 PM

You seem to know that you are playing a VERY dangerous game, and there is no real sensitive way to approach this. It's either protection OR no sex if you are not ready to be a parent. No question about it.

snuffy · Oct 18, 2007, 04:31 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

You seem to know that you are playing a VERY dangerous game, and there is no real sensitive way to approach this. It's either protection OR no sex if you are not ready to be a parent. No question about it.

It's pretty dumb of me to take such a high risk; and I am an educated person fully aware of the facts.

I am not ready in all honesty to have a baby yet, perhaps in 18 months from now I will be, when I complete studies at university an denhance my career prospects.

I do not know why I allow myself to put my life at risk of such a change.

I guess it's me burying my head in the sand.

I have brought it up with the girlfriend before who listened but did not really engage. So one has to wonder what is going through her mind. Does she WANT a baby already>? That would be my only answer - unless (like me I guess) she is reckless as to whether she could become pregnant.

I have at times explained to her that if she were to become pregnant that I would respect her choice as to what to do. I.e I would be a man and stick by the child, and if she were to decide to not keep it ( I would hope not) then I would have to respect it.

I have explained to her that an abortion is not a very clever option emotionally or physically (possibly moral - though I don't want to get into ethics).

It's a daft situation, but plays on my mind. I think she should go on th epill or have sex with me with a condom on. She must know that I care for her as I mention this to her a lot.

macksmom · Oct 18, 2007, 06:30 PM

As J9 said... you know what kind of game you are playing... and the stakes are HIGH.

You need to think with your head, the one attached to your neck... and see through "the heat of the moment". If she isn't willing to protect herself... you shouldn't give her a choice, and insist on protecting yourself and tell her it's either that or NOTHING!

And if you are thinking she wants a baby... I don't know how sure I would be letting her be the one taking birth control. It would be very easy for her to throw away pills and say she is taking them. Or tell you she went and got the shot, but never did.

J_9 · Oct 18, 2007, 08:49 PM

No protection = no sex. It's not really an issue.

You need to protect you and your future. Every one of us women can say we are on the pill, the shot, etc... But it is up to you to protect yourself.

snuffy · Oct 30, 2007, 09:12 AM

Well, well.

Me an dher split up 2 weeks ago; said she doesn't feel the same way about me anymore.

I spoke to her for rthe first time last night online and she was adamant she doesn't want me back.

So today I went to her and said I am not going to try to get you back, I know it's pointless but I really think we should be friends because I like you as a person, a lot, as well as fancy you.

Then I get 'I'm pregnant.'

Oh my god. She is now 6 weeks gone.

I cannot believe this is happening.

What on earth do I do now. A pregnant girl who doesn't want to be with me. She never gave me a reason for breaking up, just that she doesn't 'FEEL' the same way anymore.

Could it have been the hormonal change. She only found out last week.

I canno believe this.

macksmom · Oct 30, 2007, 10:02 AM

Sorry to hear that... you knew you were playing a dangerous game, and unfortunately it didn't end up in your favor.

Does she think the baby is yours?

snuffy · Oct 30, 2007, 10:09 AM

Originally Posted by macksmom

Sorry to hear that....you knew you were playing a dangerous game, and unfortunately it didn't end up in your favor.

Does she think the baby is yours?

It is definitely mine, I know for a fact. I was having sex with her 6 weekends ago.

I was playing a dangerious risky game, I don't consider it that I lost. I was reckless but I will take care of that baby.

I just don't look forward to the prospect of her being without me with our baby. It is better to have a family.

She knows I would be a good daddy and I will get a good career (though it will be more difficult now). It changes everything.

It has got me thinking that her 'change of heart' in 'just not feeling the same anymore' was really a huge fluctuation in hormones causing it??

The break up didn't make sense.

She knows I would be good for her, especially now in this situation.

It is messed up because I was happy to just be friends.

This just puts a whole new complexion on the whole issue.

What can I say to her. It still hasn't sunk in yet.

emmacelyn · Oct 30, 2007, 02:43 PM

I'm really sorry to hear about it all, but you have got to have a long chat to her and try and decide what you both are going to do for the future.. If you don't this baby is going to grow up with only a single parent.. Make her see that if you don't get bck together that you will be there for the baby! I hpe everything works out all right... good luck

snuffy · Oct 30, 2007, 05:37 PM

Originally Posted by emmacelyn

im really sorry to hear about it all, but you hav got to hav a long chat to her and try and decide what you both are going to do for the future..If you dont this baby is going to grow up with only a single parent..Make her see that if you dont get bck together that you will b there for the baby!! I hpe everything works out alright... good luck

She won't go to a doctor to confirm and won't let me go with her.

She won't et back with me at all and make a go of it.

She would not want the best for this kid.

She knew she was pregnant before we broke up but decided to tell me today, 11 days later.

Red flags.

She's playing games. Is she even pregnant. If so, she clearly is not up to the responsibility.

asking · Oct 30, 2007, 06:50 PM

I agree that there is something very strange about this girlfriend. If she turns out not to be pregnant (I hope), I think you should steer clear of her; do not attempt to remain friends and do not resume having sex, especially without birth control. When I first started reading this thread (before the update), I kept thinking that no matter how responsible snuffy is, what about the baby with a mother who is so irresponsible? She should not be having a child with her careless, indifferent attitude. Now the (alleged?) pregnancy almost sounds planned, it's creepy. Maybe someone told her to try to get pregnant with you for some reason? (I remember my own father telling me to do that once with a boyfriend who didn't want to get married. I couldn't believe he said that to me!) But people give other people weird advice sometimes... I think you need to ask her what she been thinking, try to pin her down, gently (but don't sleep with her anymore).
Mystified,
Asking

snuffy · Nov 1, 2007, 07:17 AM

She does not want to even consider us being together or at least trying to work things out.

Just cold towards me.

She must be seeing someone else an dthe baby may not be mine? What a mess.

N0help4u · Nov 1, 2007, 07:30 AM

I think the most dangerous thing is I see all these girls get pregnant and then break up with the guy, then repeat process. They end up with 3 to 6 kids before they are 21 years old and have 3 to 6 guys owing child support for kids the girl might not even let them see or the guy doesn't want anything to do with them. Then the same guys are owing child support to 3 or more kids and he isn't even with them, not allowed to see them or doesn't want to. It doesn't make sense, it is a mess and NOT something you want to end up like.
I feel especially sorry for the kids that have to be raised in the situation.
So always keep that in the back of your mind.