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Ashtree246 · Oct 17, 2007, 09:50 AM

Let me try to get right to it. I have been dating this guy for 7 months now and have fallen in love with him... God help us! He is quit a jealous person and has many insecurities as I believe we all do. He is caring, loving, funny and extremely sexy all of these traits are to a certain degree though. He is a mans man if you will!
I have been honest regarding my past (the cheating, the one night stands and the break-ups etc.) as he did the same. The problem now is, he gets into these weird modes where he doesn't believe a word I say. So lately I have been spending a lot of my time defending myself and my past and wish he could just leave it alone, as I was very young when all of that happened and am looking for a mature relationship now. I would like to have children/husband some day. In the beginning of our relationship he would mention here and there that he wanted marriage and children as well, now he thinks differently. I ask him if it is because he has realized I am not the one and he said it wasn't that and that he loves me, but now doesn't know what he wants... ok fine! Did I mention we have a great great time together and make each other laugh all the time (sorry random), we also spend (well did) every night together taking turns at each other's apt's.
So here is where it gets sad. He left for a two and a half week trip with his family and caused a major blow out before he left, I mean the accusations were crazy and I just lost it! I just poured my heart out to him and told him I couldn't deal with his S.. t any more and said that I didn't think I could be with him anymore (notice the operative word "think") The very intense argument went on for about an hour and because my heart couldn't take the crying anymore I hung up and never called back. After about two hours he text me saying he didn't want to hurt me (very unusual for him) I let it go and then text him back "I hope you find peace on your travels" he said OK.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN HE GETS BACK?. I FEEL A BIT LONELY AND CONFUSED RIGHT NOW AND AM NOT SURE HOW TO HANDLE HIS RETURN. I mean who knows if he will even touch base with me when he returns, who knows if he is even thinking of me. Should I just move on or wait it out until he gets back?
Thank you for listening to my random babble and thank you for any advice you can give me.
Bye for now,
AshTree

alextwo · Oct 17, 2007, 03:18 PM

Originally Posted by Ashtree246

Let me try to get right to it. I have been dating this guy for 7 months now and have fallen in love with him...God help us! He is quit a jealous person and has many insecurities as I believe we all do. He is caring, loving, funny and extremely sexy all of these traits are to a certain degree though. He is a mans man if you will!
I have been honest regarding my past (the cheating, the one night stands and the break-ups etc.) as he did the same. The problem now is, he gets into these weird modes where he doesn't believe a word I say. So lately I have been spending a lot of my time defending myself and my past and wish he could just leave it alone, as I was very young when all of that happened and am looking for a mature relationship now. I would like to have children/husband some day. In the beginning of our relationship he would mention here and there that he wanted marriage and children as well, now he thinks differently. I ask him if it is because he has realized I am not the one and he said it wasn't that and that he loves me, but now doesn't know what he wants ...ok fine! Did I mention we have a great great time together and make each other laugh all the time (sorry random), we also spend (well did) every night together taking turns at each other's apt's.
So here is where it gets sad. He left for a two and a half week trip with his family and caused a major blow out before he left, I mean the accusations were crazy and I just lost it! I just poured my heart out to him and told him I couldn't deal with his S..t any more and said that I didn't think I could be with him anymore (notice the operative word "think") The very intense argument went on for about an hour and because my heart couldn't take the crying anymore I hung up and never called back. After about two hours he text me saying he didn't want to hurt me (very unusual for him) I let it go and then text him back "I hope you find peace on your travels" he said ok.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN HE GETS BACK?...I FEEL A BIT LONELY AND CONFUSED RIGHT NOW AND AM NOT SURE HOW TO HANDLE HIS RETURN. I mean who knows if he will even touch base with me when he returns, who knows if he is even thinking of me. Should I just move on or wait it out until he gets back?
Thank you for listening to my random babble and thank you for any advice you can give me.
Bye for now,
AshTree

Don't move on, you don't know what his trip has taught him yet. You two obviously had some trust issues, or at least he did, and that's his problem, but if he comes back the same, untrusting of you, then I would end it. However, give it time, say 2 weeks, to see how he turned out and what he thinks. Hopefully time did him well.

lonelily · Oct 17, 2007, 03:40 PM

guys get just as insecure as girls do... his freaking out is really him showing how much he cares and is afraid to lose you- wouldn't it be easier for him if he didn't? I know because I am also bad at letting go of the past with my boyfriend and sometimes I wish I didn't love him so much!
I also noted you said ''think'' to him... funny thing is guys don't hear those little words that we put in to make a difference so he probably heard that as you don't want to be with him anymore...
don't give up on it, maybe you need to ask him what it is he wants you to do to make it easier for him to get over your past.. I know with me its cos sometimes I feel like I'm not experienced enough for my boyf an it can freak me out...
anyway lots of randomness there sorry... but I guess I'm trying to say talk it out. The 2 1/2 week break could be a good thing!
good luck!xxx

Ashtree246 · Oct 18, 2007, 07:16 AM

Thank you both so much for getting back to me. I was totally on the fence with either making a total break or waiting out the 2 1/2 weeks and because I am in love with him, I will wait it out. I would hope after the 2 1/2 weeks he will get in touch with me and let me know either way whether he wants to be with me. I have to tell you though, this waiting on him and his answer is driving me crazy!! I guess I feel like horse with a carrot hanging in my face right now, if that makes sense.
Thank you so much for your advice, much appreciated! Hope all is well with you both! Xoxo

lonelily · Oct 18, 2007, 08:06 AM

... glad to hear you're going to wait...
Do keep us informed how it goes!
Xxx

Miszulaki · Oct 18, 2007, 09:26 AM

When a guy knows you're the one... He knows and there is no letting go?
The way you are describing him, ill ask you is he greek or italian?
I myself left in love with a guy and thought for 8 months he was the one but more I think about it more I'm not sure anymore! Before our one year anniversary I told him that I didn't want to get engaged or married yet (thinking that he will propose)... He freaked out saying how come my thought changed etc. Kids, marriage family all those discusiion came but I don't think I want it anymore with him! Unless something happeneds! I just know from seeing people around me that when you know you know even if you have ups and downs!

He went on a trip... Did he call you, text you or send you a card?
If he would really care he would have trust me!
He also probably made this whole negative situation to turn it back to you so you can feel guilty, becomes single and get laid on his trip! Did he even ask you to come?

I know I'm harsh and I'm sorry but reality is reality!
And someone has to tell you!
If a guy loves he loves and won't let go!

I really hope he comes back to you if this is what you really want but just think about it first!

Ashtree246 · Oct 18, 2007, 10:38 AM

To Miszulaki: I see you give "tough love"... I like it! LOL You have made some very good points, as I have thought of everything you said before. This is why I was on the fence regarding what to do. He is not Greek or Italian, but is German and English, which I guess could explain a few little things! He went on this trip with his family, as it was planned before we even got together. The only thing that is pissing me off is, even though we did get into the argument, he still has not reached out to me and it has been a week already!! I can understand him wanting space as I feel I need the same, but 7 months is quit a bit of time to be with someone, could he really have gone away and forgotten about me? Is it naïve of me to give him the benefit of the doubt? GOSH I DON'T KNOW! AND SOMETIMES DON'T CARE! Miszulaki I see your point, but as of right now I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt and wait it out until he gets back. I mean what is the worst that can happen he dumps me or ignores me? LOL what he doesn't know is I am a pro at preparing for the worst! I do love this guy and like I said will wait it out, but if no results in a timely matter, I will have to move on I guess! Thanks again for your advice and if any other thought pop in your head, drop me a line. Xoxo

lonelily · Oct 18, 2007, 01:48 PM

"He went on a trip... Did he call you, text you or send you a card?
If he would really care he would have trust me!
He also probably made this whole negative situation to turn it back to you so you can feel guilty, becomes single and get laid on his trip! Did he even ask you to come?"-Miszulaki

I'm sorry but I couldn't disagree more with that statement- have you no faith in love or trust? Just because he hasn't contacted you does not mean he has forgotten you, maybe he's afraid to contact you after the row...
Miszulaki it sounds like you have no faith in men and that's fine but be careful not to paint all men with the same brush
If he had been going away and you guys were on good terms then of course he'd call or send a card, but he went under different circumstances
We can't expect guys to do all the chasing! We're women for gods sake! If you want to talk to him an say sorry for the argument then call him!
Hope you're holding up OK xox

lonelily · Oct 18, 2007, 01:48 PM

"He went on a trip... Did he call you, text you or send you a card?
If he would really care he would have trust me!
He also probably made this whole negative situation to turn it back to you so you can feel guilty, becomes single and get laid on his trip! Did he even ask you to come?"-Miszulaki

I'm sorry but I couldn't disagree more with that statement- have you no faith in love or trust? Just because he hasn't contacted you does not mean he has forgotten you, maybe he's afraid to contact you after the row...
Miszulaki it sounds like you have no faith in men and that's fine but be careful not to paint all men with the same brush
If he had been going away and you guys were on good terms then of course he'd call or send a card, but he went under different circumstances
We can't expect guys to do all the chasing! We're women for gods sake! If you want to talk to him an say sorry for the argument then call him!
Hope you're holding up OK xox

Ashtree246 · Oct 19, 2007, 07:20 AM

Lonelily! I so want to believe that he is thinking about me and I have tried calling him, but as I remember correctly he said he wasn't bringing his mobile with him. And trust me, I have called a couple of random times to see if it is on and sure as heck it isn't.
It bugs me though that even though we didn't leave on great terms- it has been a week already and not one sign of him. I mean how could someone just go away and not at least call to see how I am doing or just to say hi for that matter, knowing that he doesn't have his cell. There is certainly a phone in the hotel, etc. Gosh! It is always harder for the one left behind! I am trying to keep busy, but when you are in love with someone and the fear of the unknown gets the best of you, it is very hard to get rid of these thoughts.

alextwo · Oct 19, 2007, 04:02 PM

You know sometimes, when I'm hanging out with my friends and having a good time like we used to before I started going out with my boyfriend, I kind of forget about him, like it's just me single and stuff again, but not in a way that I forget about him completely, if you get what I'm saying. Like it might be for a little bit that things just feel like they used to sometimes. However, I always think about him everyday, as does he for me. I'm sure that he is thinking about you, but he is probably scared to talk to you! He obviously loves you, so he's taking his time trying to plan exactly what he wants to say to you. Also, I'm sure he is getting his much needed space after the whole fiasco to really understand what happened between you and how it hurt you so much. Just let it be, and have him be the one to call you when he returns home. If he's a stupid guy and somehow forgetsor is still scared to talk, just call him.
Hope all will work out. =]