[hairdressergirl]

I have 5 stepchildren and I don't get along with any of them but 2. I have a 13 year old stepson that lives with us and my husband never disciplines him. And I have a 23 yr old stepson who goes to college and comes home frequently and stays with us . He is disrespectful. Doesn't clean up after himself doesn't offer money for food or rent and when his dad asks him to help with something he said Your not my boss. He would bring his friends over and they would be loud and drunk until 4 am. bring his girlfriend over and have sex with her in our home . I begged my husband to tell him it is time to go out on his own because he was causing problems with my marriage. But he wouldn't do it. So I took it in my own hands and when he left for college I cleaned out his room and packed all of his stuff to give him the hint not to come back . Now there is hard feelings and my husband I feel puts these two boys before me and we have only been married for two yrs.. what do I do ?:confused:

[s_cianci]

Well good for you for taking a strong stand where this 23-year-old is concerned. Stick to your guns and keep your husband "happy", if you get my drift. I truly feel that, when push comes to shove, no red-blooded man will choose ill-behaved kids (and deep down in his heart of hearts he knows they are) over a woman who "pleases" him. Make him an offer he can't refuse, as they say.

[JAMIET]

I have two supposedly grown up step children as well, whom I've known since they were 12 &13. Their Dad tried to be their friend and not much good on discipline and I was told to step back on discipline. As they've gotten older and keep wanting to move back in (several times a year) or want to bring company over I disapprove of, or trash rooms in the house and not pick up after themselves (they're now 24 &25) they try to give me this, " This is MY Dad's house and I can do as I want"... I piped right back up and said, "yes, It IS your Dad's house and my house... but the one thing it's NOT is your house, or your rules... "
Through the glares, I think I got through to them.

[Sands_19]

Well ill try and help and seeing as I am a stepkid I hope I can...

But before I tell you anything here are some things you should know 1. the whole "step" situation in any case is going to be difficult and it will take a lot of work to improve but it can be done 2. Any parent (step, biological, mom, dad, it doesn't matter) should always put their kids before anyone and everything else and the kids need to know he does, provided of course the kids return the favor by honoring and respecting their parent(s), in this case your husband. And of course it shouldn't come at the expense of you and your husbands relationship. 3. Avoid directly disciplining your stepkids, I can guarantee they'll feel a lot of resentment, not neccasarily because its you but because they fell like their territory is kind of be invaded.

With the older one I'm not as sure exactly as to how to handle the situation, first I would say your husband does need to make his kid grow up and pay or get out, if the kid doesn't like it too bad. The main problem is if he's spent most of his life being undisciplined now is going to be a hard time to start. You could have your husband make a deal with him... as long as theirs no sex, no more than 1 or 2 friends at a time, no loud noise past 11, and no excesive drinking, then he shouldn't have to pay for food and only a small rent for starters?

With the thirteen yr old I can help you a lot more seeing as I'm 15 and a boy with an evil stepmother (in not suggesting your one, but a few mistakes and he'll see you as one)
First of course dealing with this situation is going to be hard because he is a teenager, and teenagers have problems with their parents in normal family situations.
What I would suggest is you find out what he's into, I guarantee GIRLS is one of them and obviously you have expertise in that field, but chances are he's into videogames, sports, music? Find out as much as you can about whatever he is into, then exploit it, if he's into sports offer to take him to a college came their usually cheap & fun, if he's into games maybe try to play some with him, if its music buy a cd of his favorite band and the next time your in the car put it in, with girls if you can give him advice it'll help because women think in an impossible way for teenage guys to figure out. But make sure YOU GIVE HIM HIS SPACE, don't get too involved in his personal life, but at the same time know who he hangs out with, don't try and force yourself into a situation too much if he doesn't want too do something try again once or twice but don't nag about it constantly. Once you've don't this you'll have more ability to discipline him without him feeling resentment towards u. Obviously have your husband work on disciplining him, but rewards work if he consistently follows rules offer him more privileges, or more oppurtunities to go to games?concerts?get cds? etc.

A few other things will make a big difference:
>do you have your own kids seperatly, and if so do they live with u? How is their relationship to the other kids?
>The 2 kids you said you do get along with, are they also guys or girls and how old are they, you can use these relationships to your advantage provided they have good relationships with the others.
>Do either or both of them live part time with their mom or just u2?
>their individual personalities in contrast to you and your husband's.
> u said you do get along with 2 of five, and mention not getting along with 2 more. What about the fifth?

Hope that helps :)

OH and do take s_cianci 's advice of "pleasing" him seeing as that works on any guy, but don't do it to make him choose you over his kids because that would make you a whore and an evil stepmother.

Oh and also making sure everyone expresses their feelings (whehter to everyonelse, u, or just your husband) is important, learned to think like the kids think and it'll help.