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rejectedagain · Oct 12, 2007, 01:36 PM

My husband promised me a family vactaion last year, which still has not happened. Every time I try to bring up the subject he tells me we just can't afford it right now. I give in and let the subject drop. But here is the real kick in the teeth, he went and planned a week long vacation to VEGAS with 4 of his friends! When I confront him about it, stating how hurt I am by this he tells me that he deserves it and it's his money and I need to back off and accept it. I am so hurt that I don't know which way to turn, and the closer it gets to the date of his departure, the more angry I get! I am having a melt down. HELP!
Am I wrong for feeling this way?

shygrneyzs · Oct 12, 2007, 01:42 PM

NO, you are not wrong for feeling this way. He promised a family vacation and then backed out, saying the money was too tight. But he can fly off with his buddies and justifies it because it is HIS money. Do you not work outside the home? Does he use "his money" to throw at you at any other time?

rejectedagain · Oct 12, 2007, 01:49 PM

We own a company together, he did start said company on his own, I bought in to it a couple years later. So he uses the fact that he did start this on his own against me.

shygrneyzs · Oct 12, 2007, 02:01 PM

What an a$$. Sorry to say that but what a jerk. You bought into the company so your funds are tied into it. Ask him for your money back, tell him you want to have the money to re invest into your own company and your own money. Then go on your own vacation.

I am serious. Why put up with his attitude? You are not second class to him or to anyone else. What are you going to do when he takes his vacation? I hope you plan to do something nice for yourself.

talaniman · Oct 12, 2007, 02:13 PM

You are perfectly right, to be angry. Get your money back with interest, and take a permanent vacation. Do you deserve that kind of disrespect?? I don't think so.

grammadidi · Oct 12, 2007, 02:23 PM

No, you are not wrong to feel that way. I think you need to sit down with your husband in a non-confrontational way and let him know how you are feeling. Also, next time he promises you a vacation, take initiative! Start planning it. Do you not have a joint account? If so, perhaps you should give him a vacation for Christmas or your anniversary. Keep it inexpensive, fun and short! Perhaps if he experiences a short one without stress he'll want more. I really do think the key here is communication, though.

Hugs, Didi

s_cianci · Oct 12, 2007, 02:47 PM

I don't think you're wrong at all. Given the choice between a week in Las Vegas with the boys and a family vacation that you "can't afford", I think that family ought to trump the boys. That's just my opinion on the matter.

rejectedagain · Oct 15, 2007, 05:45 AM

I thank all of you for your input, I sat down with him over the weekend to talk about how I was feeling. And we agreed to take a vacation in the spring. I have taken the initiative of starting to plan the vacation.

Chery · Oct 15, 2007, 05:57 AM

So glad that you came here to 'vent' and that you told your hubby how you felt.

Let us know how your vacation plans are progressing.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 15, 2007, 06:02 AM

And he cancelled his buddies trip?? If not want to bet spring vacation does not happen

rejectedagain · Oct 15, 2007, 08:33 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

and he cancelled his buddies trip ??? if not want to bet spring vacation does not happen

No he did not cancel the buddies trip, I need to trust him on this one for my own sanity. I hope you're not correct on this one!

smoothy · Oct 15, 2007, 08:43 AM

Something's up... if he has money to go to Vegas with his buddies to throw it away there is plenty of money for a family vacation... He has a warped sense of priorities.

talaniman · Oct 15, 2007, 11:57 AM

Originally Posted by rejectedagain

I thank all of you for your input, I sat down with him over the weekend to talk about how I was feeling. And we agreed to take a vacation in the spring. I have taken the initiative of starting to plan the vacation.

I hope he is sincere, but my gut says he is putting you off. Sorry for be a pessimist.

Gernald · Oct 15, 2007, 12:12 PM

No offence but he sounds like a real dim bulb.
Instead of going with him on vacation do what he did to you. You go on vacation, have some fun, relax. He should get the picture pretty fast, if not take him to see a marriage counslor, because you can only live so long with someone who lies, or is a hipocrite.

rejectedagain · Oct 15, 2007, 01:20 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I hope he is sincere, but my gut says he is putting you off. Sorry for be a pessimist.

Oh the thought has definitely crossed my mind! Yes, this is very upsetting, but it is not worth throwing my marriage away for. He is a wonderful man, who has always been there for me, and I can honestly say that this is this first time I have been this upset (1st time he's hurt me ) in the 6 years we have been married.

shygrneyzs · Oct 15, 2007, 01:25 PM

I hate to be the pessimist also but if he is not playing you, no one is. You say this is the first time he has hurt you in 6 years. What happened to the "his money" he puts in front of you? Make contingency plans for your own safeguard. Get some money of your own and bank it somewhere he cannot find. If you never need it, great. Just do not give it over to him. As he will use it for the next vacation with his buddies.

Just an aside, when he gets back from Vegas, how are you going to know he has been faithful?

rejectedagain · Oct 15, 2007, 01:36 PM

Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

I hate to be the pessimist also but if he is not playing you, no one is. You say this is the first time he has hurt you in 6 years. What happened to the "his money" he puts in front of you? Make contingency plans for your own safeguard. Get some money of your own and bank it somewhere he cannot find. If you never need it, great. Just do not give it over to him. As he will use it for the next vacation with his buddies.

Just an aside, when he gets back from Vegas, how are you going to know he has been faithful?

The money thing just started when the vacation was planned, and I have no doubt that he will be faithful, I can't think that way I have to believe that he will be faithful because if I don't I will go mad. I know how that sounds, but I don't care I have to believe

shygrneyzs · Oct 15, 2007, 01:50 PM

Good luck then. May every Irish blessing known in history make your path safe and sane.

grammadidi · Oct 16, 2007, 12:24 AM

Well, I say, good for you! I'm glad you sat down and talked this all over. Now, don't forget to include him in the plans, even though you are making them. Keep it in his mind (without rubbing it in his face) and stay excited. I would suggest that you have a friend or family member in mind who would be willing to join you last minute. I would NOT involve him in this, just create a back up plan and use it if needed with no complaints. Either way, take the vacation and have fun. If he does back out and you go to back up plan, don't complain, whine or gripe. Just go, have a great time and return full of wonderful stories and happiness. Tell him that hope he'll be able to join you next time and start planning.

Best of luck to you!

Hugs, Didi

rejectedagain · Oct 25, 2007, 08:14 AM

Update! He backed out of the buddy trip at the last minute! He says he finally saw the hurt he was causing our family and does not resent me for it.