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BigTmom · Oct 12, 2007, 10:34 AM

I recently got divorced and I have a 5yr old daughter. I am dating a guy and my daughter won't give me 10 minutes alone seems like to even talk to the guy. Any time I get on the phone or try to talk to anybody in person she jumps in and starts talking. I have told her that she is being rude but she just won't listen to me... any advice

supermommy25 · Oct 12, 2007, 04:37 PM

Do you spend a lot of time with your daughter? It could just be her way of saying "mommy pay attention to me" my three year old son is the same way... he will not let my boyfriend touch me with out him getting in between us, or if I sit in another room with my boyfriend my son will be right there. Little kids need to know their place some times, you don't have to yell at them or anything but they need to know that when mommy is talking to some one then you wait until mommy is finished before you interrupt... your daughter is older than my son and he understands that so I know she will as well... or just give her something to do... keep her busy

Homegirl 50 · Oct 12, 2007, 05:08 PM

I'm sure the divorce has affected your daughter as well, so the idea of another man around her mother may not be too pleasing to her. How long has it been since the divorce?
Maybe you should not bring boy friend around your daughter for a good while and talk to him when she is in bed.

shygrneyzs · Oct 12, 2007, 06:03 PM

Your daughter is also insecure right now. You said you just got divorced. So your daughter is missing the Dad component. Maybe she fears losing you too. She wants your attention and your reassurance that you are still there for her. Talk to her about this, calmy and peacefully. While I do agree that interrupting telephone and in person conversations is rude, you can teach her that you are not being taken away from her or her affections, nor is she being taken away from your affections.

I do agree also with Homegirl. Right now might not be the best time to be having your boyfriend right there with your daughter. Your daughter will see him as "who is this guy and where is my Dad" kind of thing. She needs some solidarity and evenness. Yes, you have a right to your life, but you have a child and she does come first.

J_9 · Oct 12, 2007, 06:12 PM

How recent was the divorce?

You see, your daughter may be afraid to lose you too. You see, children do not think like us adults. She sees that Daddy is gone, she may very well be afraid to lose Mommy.

In my opinion right now you need to concentrate on her and her needs, if the divorce was fairly recent (within one year). Yes, you may want a boyfriend, even think you need one. But SHE needs a MOMMY, she needs support, she needs affirmation that you will not be going too.

She is most likely trying to get your attention, and she deserves it. She's confused, bewildered, etc. The boyfriend brings confusion into her life, she doesn't understand.

Try to see it from her perspective... Daddy is gone and now there is this new man taking my Mommy away. I don't want my Mommy to go away too. This is how children of this age think.