[primetime9]

I had been dating my girlfriend since November of 2004. She approached me and we hit it off completely. I was a wild, life of the party kind of guy. She was laid back and she did not have many friends. However, we balanced each other out completely. I am 25, she is 24. The first 2.5 years, relationship was outstanding... she always initiated sex and really had a glow for me. However, I really did not know if she was the one, but I did think about her being my wife. It changed daily. All of a sudden, the relationship went down hill. I will give a timeline.

February - I built a house. She found a job in the city I was working. I did not ask her to move in, but she stayed during the week and we went to our parents area on the weekend. (she was extremely close to her mom, the manipulator) it bothered me. Little did I know that me not asking her to move in really hurt her.

March - I broke up with her the first week because I was unhappy with the way she was acting. She never wanted to have sex anymore, cuddle anymore, or go places we used to love going too (movies, shopping) however, if her mom asked her to go somewhere, she would jump to it. Three days later, she called me to take her back. I did. She came back down the house.

April - on easter, I broke up with her again because I told her that things had not changed. I was shut down and I can tell she was shut down. I tried to talk to her, but she is silent and does not know how to communicate. I would always ask why she wasn't passionate anymore and she said that we have been together 3 years and having sex everyday was over. Two days later, she called we talked and we went back out.

May - I went to her college graduation and she acted like I wasn't even there. I was upset. I was asking myself why waste my time with this girl. The minute I showed I was upset, she would call me nonstop because she didn't want me to be upset. One day, I would say to myself, break up with this girl... then another day, I would tell myself to hang in there because we are just having arough spot.

June - I asked her to go to New York, she said no. I asked her to go on a cruise, she said no that she had to go home to help her mom babysit. I always tried to show her a good time, but she was boring. Finally, we fought one night and I blew up and dumped her again. She was staying in my house for free and she miserable the entire time. Now, I did say things to make her feel uncomfortable, but I was never mean or yell at her. One week later, we called each other and said that after all that has happened, we still loved each other. I sat her down and asked her if she wanted a ring? I thought that was why she was upset. She said, in the next six months. I thought we were going to be together. We fought through and we were still together. I took that as a positive.

July - had knee surgery... she was mushy.

August - she found a job back home and moved back with her mom. The job was a huge paycut and not in her field of study. I feel her mom put pressure on her to come home because I was hurting her by breaking up with her. After she went home, we didn't see each other and I was still frustrated. I told my mom that this would be my chance to get out of this relationship. We fought and I told her she lost a great guy that had her set up for the future. We both agreed that we should take time to ourselves and not go back to each other after a few days.

September 1-15 - I did most of the calling. I missedher. I figured she was going to comeback. She mentioned that I acted like I didn't care for her. I was calling once a day, even though she said she wanted time, as did I. on sept 15, it was her birthday. I asked her if I can take her for dinner and she said yes a few days earlier. The entire two weeks, when we talked her words and my words both led us to believe that we were probably going to get back. Two hours before the dinner, she called and told me she didn't want to go anymore. I went to her house with roses and she still didn't want to go.

I caled her thenext day and told her I will leave her alone until she figures out what she wants.

The next day, she emailed me saying "im single and free to do what i want, i have been unhappy for two months now, im happier on my own, i do not want you waiting around for me, if it is meant to be, it will be, but not now.

i was shocked that she did this on email? i acknowledged that i felt the same. i thought i would be ok, but i miss her so much. i called her mom, sister, and friend, and that is not like me. they all led me to believe she was nuts about me and wanted to marry me. she was hurt though because i kept breaking up with her.

three weeks have gone by since this and i found out that she went on a date the day we were supposed to go for a romantic dinner. i then found out she had gone on a few more dates with the same guy already.

i found this out a last week. i called her and told her off. i told her she wasnt worth it. i told her that i am thanking god that i do not have to put a ring on her finger. i called her a little ...i told her not to call me again because i wasnt going to be there. she confirmed that she went on a few dates with him, but insisted that we were broken up so she could have.

this was 10 days ago...i have not called her, emailed her, nothing. i have stepped away. however, i miss her to death. the fact that she is with another guy is killing me. the fact that i did not get a true explanation is killing me. "she said, I love you but I'm not in love with you.

Six months ago, she wanted to get married and move in with me.

What do I do

[mckenzie134]

Well heard many stories like this before. This girl was not in love with you but only scared to be alone. Very clingy and always wanting to see you. Yes 6 months ago she wanted to marry you but the only reason was cause she is lonely she thinks that is what she wantd at the time but it wasn't. She was not happy and this is no reason of yours. These are her own issues. She will be clingy to the next guy as well. Id say for the three years you were together you had to take more of a father role. She looked up to you because you offered her what she could not have or get herself. FRIENDS. You were the life of the party the fun GUy the guy she wanted to be around to meke herself feel good because of her low seklf esteem.

Mate I've been in your situation, problem dating girl with not a lot of friends means she makes you her whole life and adventually figures out this is happening and then decideds she would like to be free, buty actuially just latches onto the next guiy and does the same to him cause she cannot bear to be alone. Always worried she will be alone. This is the reason she kept returning after the breaks.

Let her go now as hard a s it may be she probably won't come back and only if you let her go will she be able to decide...

[AKaeTrue]

Seems like there was a lot of uncertainties to begin with.
Are you sure you really want to be with her, or are you going through
The "want what I can't have" phase?

[primetime9]

I thought that was the phase, but I have never felt so down before. I usually move right on. I think I love her. I can't stop thinking about her. I want her in my life. I feel bad I told her off

[madaman]

You kept breaking up with her, accept that it happened.

You asked for it, and now you have it. If you didn't want this to happen you should have maybe taken a different approach other than breaking up with her constantly. It sounds harsh but you are getting exactly what you asked for.

[primetime9]

You are 100% right... I admit my mistake. Do you thinkthat turned her off?
What do you make of her going out with someone else so quick?

[AKaeTrue]

I'm really sorry to hear that, sometimes we don't realize what we had until it's gone.
I know, an old corny saying, but it's true.

If she's moved on, you should really consider doing the same thing.
Sometimes when we split with a person, we forget the reasons we split in the first place.

In your case, there were many splits.
A happy healthy relationship will not include so many dislikes and disputes that cause that many break ups.

Learn from this relationship, that's what we do, we learn from past relationships in the hopes that it will prepare us for the relationship that lasts a lifetime.

Just hang in there and start doing things that you enjoy to get your mind off her.

[primetime9]

Do you think she met this guy to get her mind off me? Any chance of her coming back?

[N0help4u]

I think you did blow it breaking up so many times. I also hate it when a guy will call yelling at me in the way you did when you found out that she was seeing another guy. I feel like now I a have seen an ugly side of his temper and know I couldn't be with him.
You need to quit obsessing about her and get on with your life and put her in the past as a lesson learned.

[madaman]

If she has learned her lesson, she won't be coming back. If she is using the new guy to forget you, so be it. Everyone heals in their own way. She deserves better than someone who will keep dumping her. If she were to post here, everyone would tell her to stay far far away from you (not saying you are a bad person, just not right for her).

To be honest if you somehow got her back, you would probably repeat the same cycle. There is a reason you two split up so many times and spending some time apart doesn't just magically fix the problems.

[Zell]

A similar thing happened to me, my ex left me for another guy and I got the ' I love you, just not in love with you' response too. It does sound like you kind of wanted out of this relationship hench why you kept breaking up with her, and now you got what you want...
Best thing to do is just not contact her again and move on, its tuff but it'll work over time.

[talaniman]

Stop thinking about her, and what she is doing, and do for yourself. Yes, accept that its over. It happens, no matter how much fun you had yesterday.

[smoothy]

What do you do? Start by counting your blessings you found out now before you had kids or got married.

Treat her like Typhoid Mary and have no future contact at all, move on and find a better woman.