[majorhelp]

My head is so badly messed up by this...

I've met a guy in work, we were attracted to each other and went on a few dates. He seemed a "typical lad" (without trying to steretype) but he was really pleasant around me and a bit daft around his mates. I tried to think oooh it's a lad thing, but then I heard the odd comment I didn't really like. He also came across as a bit sex mad, which I wasn't too keen on! I tried dating him for a week, but for some reason felt a little unsure so decided it would be best to put him straight. I told him it was over. He didn't take it well. He told me to stay away and not contact him. He obviously discussed me in work and for a week or so, we didn't speak and he said he had no reason to and didn't particulalry want me as a friend. I was gutted, my mind is that mixed up I don't know whether I was gutted because he hurt me the way he said don't contact him, or whether it was the fact he didn't want anything to do with me or what... I don't know!

For a reason unknown, overnight he changed his mind, and the following day in work, he said he missed me and wanted to stay friends. I was thrilled by this and thought all was good, he was being lovely for a while... then...

We went out on a night out last night, and we had all had a little bit too much to drink. I ended up getting into him. I told him we couldn't talk or think straight because we had drunken too much, he agreed. But last night he was so sweet, buying my drinks, my taxi, holding my handing, stroking me, being genuinely really nice.

We spoke a bit he said he really liked me and would do anything to change so it would fit in with what I wanted and that he had never fallen for anyone the way he had with me.

I'm so confused, I just don't know what to do. I think he has two sides, as I have seen a side I'm not too keen on, yet in a bizarre way I'm still attracted to him. I'm not sure it its not just fear of turning him down again, I just don't know what to do, but whatever I do I must act quickly before I am in the wrong. I'm the type of girl that cannot hurt a soul. I don't want to turn him down but then I can't help but think should I be with a guy that I'm unsure about?

I just feel perhaps he's too influenced by his mates, I also wonder if I could trust him, or whether he really likes me, or if he's just after sex. Is he really willing to change? Is this just sweet talk?

One thing that bugs me most is that he says he's not perfect and he's not innocent, and that scares me, yet no one is perfect? I'm also worried in case he's a player, he's really good looking and been offereda modelling contract, I'm worried he may be big headed?

Please help, I have nothing else on my mind, but its really upsets me, whenever I think I cry!

[MayMsredrose]

Hi... do not cry and think too much... simply tell him that you like him too but you need a break to think and make sure of what you want... during this time try to gather information about him , his friends, ask him what did he mean when he said that he is not perfect & not innocent... tell him I know you are not an angle but I need to know more about you... what do you want from me... ask him smart questions in order to know about him and listen carefully to his response to your questions... not only that try to focus on his face & body language while he is answering your questions only then you will be able to figure it out if what he is saying is a lie or what... in addition , the core of any relationship is trust so if you feel that you can not trust him then forget about it... as I do not recommend the relationshipps in workplaces because it back fire on you at the end.

Ms. Redrose

[Johnnyo1]

Personally, I agree. Workplace relationships are difficult at best. I've done this myself. The good thing with mine was 1.) I wasn't a boss then & 2.) We worked in different departments so we only saw each other on breaks... sometimes.

You need to ask what your motivation was in getting into a relationship as well. Was it possible love or the admiration of someone in a controlling situation attracted to you?

You seem to be the kind of person that is easy going but could use a stronger will to keep some things in an "arm's distance" till you figure it out a bit more clearly.

I would do just that. Not to the degree of backing off completely, but to catch your breath.
If there's something there for you two, it should be strong enough to survive some time out. And if he's a "conquerer type, egohead or a woman-izer", you probably don't want him anyway.

[JoeCanada76]

Personally,

It was only a few dates, and to have such a strong reaction on your part and feeling so upset and torn is a problem that you have created yourself. No one should get attached to somebody so fast. It is more of a lust situation then love.

As far as work place relationship. Not good. Not saying it never works but anything that goes wrong with any work relationship could and will effect your job as well. Everybody will feel the tension.

It is up to you want you think is important but after only a few dates, that is all it should be is a date. Not something that you cling on to.

Good luck in the future and hope that you figure out what is best for you and your working environment.