[BMI]

Oh c'mon now,

You cannot possibly expect a guy to sit around never going anywhere because his g/f won't let him. The chances of him finding someone else because you won't "let" him go out are wayyyyy higher than him actually going to a club and cheating on you. Listen, clubs are not just places where guys and girls hook0up and this and that, people go because that's what everyone does, guys go because their friends are going and it is just a common place. I mean if its someone's birthday and your in your teens you will almost always pick a club for lack of anything else to do y'know!

If someone is going to cheat he/she isgoing to cheat, whether he goes to a club or he goes to the store, just cause he goes to a club means nothing, I WISH every time I went to a club I picked up girls, its not what you think. All I know forsure is that if you play the"what about me" card you'll drive him away more quick than any club would, that's a promise.

[talaniman]

Sometimes, you're a little too worried about what EVERYONE else posts, not what the ORIGINAL POSTER asked.

Just to set the record straight, I was responding to the OP, not you.

[self_lnflicted_hell]

Just to set the record straight, I was responding to the OP, not you.

Ohhhhhhh... See, sorry... I only assumed it was meant for me because you have said that to me before, in another post :rolleyes:

[talaniman]

Ohhhhhhh...See, sorry...I only assumed it was meant for me because you have said that to me before, in another post :rolleyes:

I hope what I said helped, you and the OP.:)

[Leidenschaftlich für Wahr]

I agree and live by this, my only point was that you have to understand and evaluate whether your opinion is so absolute, as to disregard some one elses point of view. You cannot get your way in controlling another human, using RESPECT as a basis of your own opinion. They may feel differently. Respect is a two way street, not a weapon of manipulation, and if you demand it, you must give it.

The only control a person can have over anothers life is whether they are in it. MOST of the time ultimatums are wrong, but if you feel strongly enough about something then you need to make one. Just not empty ones that mean nothing...

[BMI]

Sorry Leidenschaftlich, but what exactly are you disagreeing with in my post?

[Leidenschaftlich für Wahr]

Playing with the what about me card. Thing is, if any guy, or girl ,cared about their partner, they would have already thought that question through. "What about them?" and you could contest and say that the girl not being cool with the guy going out isn't caring about him, but I don't see an event of one night being worth hurting the one you love.

[2FUN4ME]

My boyfriend keeps on saying he wants to go to the club. The first time he seid something he was like i want to go on Halloween and i told him he could go but id go to a wild party if he went. Then he told his friend he might go this weekend. Hes 18 and im 17 otherwise wede go together. Personally the only reason guys go to the club in my mind is if they are going to meet someone or to dance with girls. I dont want to tell him that because i dont want him to question my trust, but i dont think its right for him to go out dance with girls and me stuck at home doing nothing.

You are correct. If he wants to keep you he needs to change his ways and be more mature about the relationship. It is hard at that age to not want to try new things and new people and see what the world thinks of you at a club. But clubbing involves men and women dressed seductively to see what attention they get. Not a good place to go with a date or on your own unless you are shopping. Sure he can club, but he risks losing you, because you can be clubbing too. If the two of you value your relationship, the two of you would spend the time together away from clubs. Try some things one on one like walks and watching TV. :D

[BMI]

O.k,well you posts have a very fairytail ring to them, which is fine if you are in that relationship but what you say is very misleading. By your logic where does it end exactly? There are manythings people this age experiment with and try out, it is a very tricky age but a very meaingful and fun one too. If this girl plays these cards that you suggest than yes most guys will feel like they are missing out and leave, is that wrong, I mean if I were 18 and wanted to have fun like everyone else would I be doing anything bad or hurting others? IF I cheated than yes, but like I said I can stay home and cheat as well. Your view of not worth hurtingsomeone is wayyyy over the top at this age and to suggest that this young man be "banned" from hanging out with his friends because his girl feels left out is just plain wrong. It indicates a total lack of trust and really puts this guy into an awkward position.

Like I said earlier, where does it end? You can't gotoclubs without me,I don't want you to drink or anything, you must have me around at all times, yeah that does not sound like a fairy tale to me sweetheart. So lets hold off a bit with hurting the one you love, all he wants to do is BE 18!!

[BMI]

Oops, the above post is for Leidenschaftlich.

[nauticalstar420]

I agree with BMI, if someone is going to cheat, they are going to cheat, no matter where they are "allowed" to go. If you give him restrictions and tell him what he can and cannot do, it is likely that he will do those things just to spite you. You can express your feelings about the situation, but its not a good idea to boss him around.

Also, when he goes out, you can go out too. You aren't glued to your couch. Go out and have some fun! You don't have to sit around and wait for him to get home.

It all boils down to trust. If you can't even trust him to go out to a club with friends, how do you think you will cope in the relationship in the future? For example, if he has to go out on a business trip? You need to trust him.

[Leidenschaftlich für Wahr]

Maybe I do have a fairytale romance, but is that too much for any woman to ask? Or man? Its fine if a guy wants to go out and get his party time done with, but let him either decide between a relationship or the partys.
And as I read my post to my husband, he answers a simple "yeah". "There is nothing wrong with either one of those, they just can't co-exist"

[nauticalstar420]

Maybe I do have a fairytale romance, but is that too much for any woman to ask? Or man? Its fine if a guy wants to go out and get his party time done with, but let him either decide between a relationship or the partys.
And as i read my post to my husband, he answers a simple "yeah". "There is nothing wrong with either one of those, they just can't co-exist"

Your fairytale romance can't and won't apply to everyone. Everyone has their own wants and needs, and people can't agree 24/7. Making someone decide between their relationship and going to a club is not fair. That is called giving an ultimatum, and as Tal said earlier, its an opening for disaster.

[BMI]

Again I diagree, let him not have to decide between his parties and his girl. Of course this coversation is contingent on what level of partying we are talking about, 6times a week and I agree with you. However, as far as I know the original poster said he wants to go to a club, 1 club, that's it, I think you may have jumped to the conclusion this is an ongoing thing that is causing problems and I don't have any evidence to support that.

IF he is partying in moderation than he can have a meaningful realationship and be an 18 year old at the same time, w/o ever having to choose, the girl is causing him to choose and creating theproblem by making him do that.

I am happy you do live in a fairy-tale relationship and thatis great, HOWEVER, just because you dodoes notmean it is reality to expect it from everyone. Some people would rather stay with their love than go out and have fun, fun is staying with that person, but because it works for you it may not work for others. Unfortunetly, we usually do not marrythe first person we love and you cannot expect an18-year oldto devote his entire life to his g/f at that ageand then compare it to say a marriage, at the time your married you are much more mature and your priorities are much different than whenyou are "exploring" the dating scene.

That's my word.

[Leidenschaftlich für Wahr]

Hello, I am the "Fairy-tale" husband... I have read this post in it's entirety, and am kind of depressed. It is sad to see so many people in this world with so much to offer being caught up in meaningless issues such as this. It is very simple if you really look at things. First you must ask yourself a few questions... 1- Why am I getting into a relationship? 2- What do I have to offer the other person in this relationship? 3-What am I willing to compromise to be in such relationship? 4-What will be the result of this relationship?Now considering these previously stated questions, you should see whether you really should be "in" a relationship. At 18, it is difficult for me to believe that any 18 year old boy has enough understanding of life to be in a relationship. There of course are few exceptions. When I see the originally posted question, I understand both sides of the viewpoints. The true question for both people should be whether they should be in a relationship period. I will give it to you simple... Relationship SHOULD = eventual MARRIAGE, if you have any other delusion about that, then you are willingly hurting people and that is wrong! Going to clubs is a dangerous place to be for someone in a "relationship."

[nauticalstar420]

Relationship should = marriage? Are you serious? So people should marry the first person they get into a relationship with? That is not only unrealistic, but it can be dangerous (relationship wise). If I married the first guy I got into a relationship with, I can say that without a doubt I would be a member of the world of divorcées.

Going to clubs is not as dangerous as you may think. I am married, and I still go to clubs. What does that mean about me? Do I cheat on my husband just because I step foot into a club? No! Some people have fun fishing, some people have fun swimming, and some people have fun going to a club and dancing. I don't see why he should have to give up something that he has fun doing in order to be in a relationship. Like I said before, it boils down to trust. If she doesn't trust him, then she is the one that shouldn't be in the relationship.

**EDIT** - or are we just not supposed to be in relationships without the intent of marriage? What about people that never plan to get married? Are they just supposed to be alone forever?

[BMI]

Good points guys!

I think at 18 your main focus is not marriage, I mean I read a lot of posts in here where 15/16 year olds are talking about marriage and children, THAT is dangerous. To approach every relationship as a serious, marriage to be, typeof thing isvery dangerous indeed. I myself thoughtthefirst girl I dated was the "one", ifi had acted upon those feeling and took the relationship soooo seriously thani would have made a huge mistake in that I was too naïve anddid not know the first thing about love and such. So I will agree withtheage factor, however, relationships that do NOT end in marriageare also very healthy and meaningful to someone that age. I look back on some ex girlfriends and though we did not last therelationships and thetimes we had contributed to who am today, and also to how ifeel about myself, that is not a useless thing. I stand by thefactthat going out and having fun can be done appropriately and have absolutely no negative effect on a relatinship.

And I donotmean any offence whatsoever when I referred to youoryourwife as having a "fairytale" relationship, in hearingyou both speak I think what you haveis wonderful and I am happy you found it, I just view the party issue differently is all:)

Oh, good points Nautical, we seem to see eye to eye on this issue, BUT ALAS you are married and it jyust wouldn't work... LOL!

[Leidenschaftlich für Wahr]

or are we just not supposed to be in relationships without the intent of marriage? What about people that never plan to get married? Are they just supposed to be alone forever?

Erm... Yes!

[nauticalstar420]

Erm... Yes!

So people shouldn't be allowed to have companionship without marriage? LOL.. thank goodness you don't make the 'rules of relationships'.