[erlobenauer]

I don't know what to do with her anymore. I try time out, and usually give up because I'm tired of chasing her around, along with the throbbing headache I've encountered from her hi-pitched screaming just to irritate me. In fact, her and my one year old have screaming matches all day long, the little one thinks its funny, I know she doesn't know better... But my almost 3 year old does.

If I spank her, she laughs at me and runs around the house. She spits at me when I tell her no, she tells ME what to do, if I ask her to do something, she tells me "NO - you do it mom." I've taken all of her toys away, she doesn't care - she screams kicks spits, and hits me. I'm just at the end of my rope My husband and I don't hit each other, and if we have to spank, its one swat on the butt - I really don't understand what to do with her, any help would be greatly appreciated!

[firmbeliever]

I have a 2 and half year old.
And I think this is what they call the terrible twos in most parenthood books.

They do it just to get us riled,
I have found that ignoring her during her tantrums works best.Other times when she starts throwing tantrums I just give her a bath and she cools down.

And the high pitch screaming! Mine started way before she was two years and her two cousins have learnt that, so they all have screaming matches.Sometimes I let them,but most times I tell her to stop it that my ear aches (she normally listens,but sometimes she does not).

About picking up toys, mine used to ask me too,but now we do it together and the funny thing is she sometimes compliments me when I help pick her toys saying "what a good girl mama is":)

Mine has just recently started to hit when she does not get what she wants,but when she does that I don't let her get what she asked for until she apologises (it works sometimes and other times it does not).

If you have a 1 year old I am sure it must be harder getting both of them to listen, I have only one and it is hard when she is in one of her moods.


I think this is a time for us to learn the meaning of patience in a different perspective.
Do let me know if you come up with any solutions because I may need them.:)

[N0help4u]

It sounds like she might be Attention Deficit and Oppositional Defiant. I hope she grows out of it before she hits school age or they will insist you get her on meds. Or claim you are a non compliant mother which basically forces you to. I know it is really hard because I raised four kids and the younger two were Attention Deficit and Opposition Defiant.
They say kids like this are lacking Omega 3 and you should watch that they eat really healthy.
You might also try this vitamin made especially for kids that are not so passive.

Swanson Health Products - Little Angels

[JamieLynn]

It sounds like she might be Attention Deficit and Oppositional Defiant. I hope she grows out of it before she hits school age or they will insist you get her on meds. or claim you are a non compliant mother which basically forces you to. I know it is really hard because I raised four kids and the younger two were Attention Deficit and Opposition Defiant.
They say kids like this are lacking Omega 3 and you should watch that they eat really healthy.
You might also try this vitamin made especially for kids that are not so passive.

Swanson Health Products - Little Angels

The kid is only almost three, don't assume it might be attention deficit because most all kids this young act this way.

[Wondergirl]

I would not begin to think of ADHD etc. at this point. Your parenting skills needs fine-tuning.

Be creative in how you discipline. She is at the early stages of pretending and using her imagination. You will be more successful at this age if you work with where she is mentally.

Make up silly songs to scold her, use her name in your songs. "Suzie Woozie was a doozie because she couldn't whisper and Suzie Woozie .........."

Whisper scoldings so she has to hush up to hear what you are saying. Make a big deal of whispering. Tiptoe around and wear a special whisper hat and stick up whisper signs around the house, etc.

Do the counting in 1-2-3 Magic (available through your library) and stick to the author's tips and techniques in setting limits. Consistency is everything in parenting!!

Use storytelling to help her listen and behave---"Once upon a time there was a beautiful little girl named xxxx who liked to scream. All the animals in the neighborhood got scared--all the bunnies and all the squirrels and all the puppies and all the kitties. They got so scared that they stopped eating. They got so scared that they stopped playing. They got so scared that they would hide--the bunnies hid in the bushes and squirrels hid in the ......" and so on, telling the story in a low voice, and slowly, and dragging it out with lots of details and description and repetition.

There are tons of parenting books at the public library. Please check some out for more ideas. Ask a librarian for help if you can't find what you need.

[firmbeliever]

I forgot to mention another thing I noticed about my daughter.

Most times her moods are off if she sleeps less than normal during the night or nap-time OR if she has not eaten enough during her meal times.

On the days she eats less during meal times I try to make up with snacks like a banana,pears,cheese,grapes or a biscuit. (all her favoured type of foods or sometimes a bit of chocolate wafers too).

[Wondergirl]

The element of surprise is important. When I mentioned storytelling above, don't tell your child, "Now I'm going to tell you a story that will teach you a lesson." Just DO IT--begin to tell the story in a low voice, very calm, even if she's not listening, but just continue to talk in a low voice, even repeating sentences, or starting the story over and over until you know she hears what you are saying, then draaaaaaaaaaaaaag out the details by using short sentences and lots of repetition and description.

For instance, make up a story about a little kitten who meowed too loud or a puppy who yipped too loud or a little frog who croaked too loud. "Papa Frog came home from work. He was very tired from his long day. All day he had looked forward to a peaceful evening. All day he had looked forward to a nice dinner. (go into detail about the food he hoped to eat) All day he had looked forward to watching TV. All day he had looked forward to taking a short nap on the living room couch. Uh oh. Papa Frog came home from work and wasn't happy." (repeat all the things he wanted to do with "He couldn't....") Finally get to the point, that Freddy Frog, his most handsome and lovable son and the greenest little frog you have ever seen, had learned how to croak... " and so on.

The same goes for singing a silly, made-up song or reciting silly made-up poems.

Cut printer paper sheets in half the long way. Stack them together and fold in half the short way to make a "book". Use yarn or staples to hold them together. With your child next to you, create "My Quiet Book". On each page draw the outline of a quiet thing (discuss possibilities with your child) and print the name or a short sentence about it. Let your child color each picture. Come up (together) with a satisfying ending.

Do hand clapping -- loud claps, medium claps, soft claps. Vary the rhythm and mix the loudnesses.

Teach her Paper Stone and Scissors (just for fun) and paper-and-pencil games like Tic-Tac-Toe. Have her print your grocery list. In other words, keep her busy with all sorts of activities that sound boring or useless to you but are fun and challenging for her. And yes, some are beyond her ability now, but find ones that work. Concentration is a good one that you can teach her and she can play by herself. Use a deck of cards or picture cards or tiles turned upside down. First match two, then make it more difficult by matching three and then four pictures.

[firmbeliever]

..........Concentration is a good one that you can teach her and she can play by herself. Use a deck of cards or picture cards or tiles turned upside down. First match two, then make it more difficult by matching three and then four pictures.

Mine loves the memory game.She even calls the baby animals by her own name and the bigger ones mama and the name of the animal.

You are so right, she is quieter when she is playing these games.I got her a sticker book too and she sits for quite a while doing this.

I have also tried when I cook, I give her a dish with a few carrot pieces and a spoon.She cooks like me and she gets to eat the carrots too if she wants.

Wondergirl... you are a true "library" of great advise!:D

[erlobenauer]

About the sleep theories - My child will not take naps - will wake up anywhere between 6-7 in the morning and be extremely hyper until she sits down for a few minutes usually around 10-11 sometimes later, and passes out. I will take all of this advice and apply it as necessary... Thank you for all of the advice, I really appreciate it.

P.S. The storytelling idea is fabulous, can't wait to try it out!

[mw92705]

Not sure what all you have tried... but for a screaming kid... My advice is to out scream them... So next time your at home and she screaming... get right in her face and scream back as loud and as fearful as you can... at first she might start laughing... but just keep screaming... scream till she start to get scared and wants you to quit. Once you got her really scared and begging you to quit... calmly stop and ask her why does she want you to stop screaming... she will tell you that you are scaring her... and that went you tell her that you feel the same way when she screams... tell her it scare you... talk to her about being scared…get her to be on common ground with you about being scared….after you get her to understand that the tow of you share a common fear….. talk to her about the two of you agreeing not to scare each other with screaming any more…
As for raising children I have a few simple guidelines

First of all keep in mind you not raising a child, your raising an adult... your kid will spend more of it’s life as an adult then as a child….If you raise a child you will some day find a 34 year old kid living in your basement.

As the parent , besides loving you kid, your job is to provide opportunity, be consistent in you behavior, and help you kid to become responsible for their on safety.

By provide opportunity, I mean that you buy the winter coat…but you tell you kid that is their coat and it their decision to wear it or not. You explain to them that if they don’t wear it and get sick…it’s them that will have to go to the doctor….the trick here is to not say anything when you see them headed outside in the cold without the coat…that being consistent in your behavior.

Good Luck

[JamieLynn]

Not sure what all you have tried...but for a screaming kid...My advice is to out scream them...So next time your at home and she screaming...get right in her face and scream back as loud and as fearful as you can...at first she might start laughing...but just keep screaming...scream till she start to get scared and wants you to quit. Once you got her really scared and begging you to quit...calmly stop and ask her why does she want you to stop screaming...she will tell you that you are scaring her...and that went you tell her that you feel the same way when she screams....tell her it scare you...talk to her about being scared…get her to be on common ground with you about being scared….after you get her to understand that the tow of you share a common fear…..talk to her about the two of you agreeing not to scare each other with screaming any more…
As for raising children I have a few simple guidelines

First of all keep in mind you not raising a child, your raising an adult...your kid will spend more of it’s life as an adult then as a child….If you raise a child you will some day find a 34 year old kid living in your basement.

As the parent , besides loving you kid, your job is to provide opportunity, be consistent in you behavior, and help you kid to become responsible for their on safety.

By provide opportunity, I mean that you buy the winter coat…but you tell you kid that is their coat and it their decision to wear it or not. You explain to them that if they don’t wear it and get sick…it’s them that will have to go to the doctor….the trick here is to not say anything when you see them headed outside in the cold without the coat…that being consistent in your behavior.

Good Luck

That is terrible to sit and scream in your child's face to scare them. I would never do that

[wopwife]

Mw92705 I love your advice. I agree that people raise babies and not adults. I was always spoken to like I was an intelligent individual when I was little so that's what I behaved like. I train horses so its 2nd nature to be aware of my actions and their effects. If I ask for something I keep asking until I get the desired result, if I know that I don't have the time to work through something I don't initiate it. Example being that if company is coming over and I don't have time to work her through picking up hdr toys so I know Im going to end up doing it myself then I wouldn't ask her to in the first place. But later I would remind her that I picked up her toys so she had to help me do one of my chores and work on that.