[kevinm]

I have been devastated since my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up with me in Feb 07. Despite everyone's advice of let it go and if it's meant to be it will return someday, I have spent most of this year trying to convince her we should take another shot. When she broke up with her next boyfriend, she allowed me some access again, but only if I didn't start contacting her too much. Well, I couldn't contain my enthusiasm and overstepped my boundaries, so she quit talking with me again. Then , I saw her on a internet dating site, which crushed me, so I sent her a couple of new emails that I know came across as pathetic. So , now she wants NOTHING to do with me again. At 43 years old, I feel more depressed than I could ever have conceived, and despite the best efforts of my dearest friends, I feel like I am slipping to a new low each day. In my opinion there is no way I should be grieving a 2 plus year relationship this long, in the past I would have moved on quickly, but I felt like this was the perfect person for me, but I took her for granted and never admitted to her how special she was even though she told me often. So I have overwhelming regret, on top of the heartbreak, and the feeling that I truly screwed up my best chance for lifelong happiness because of my arrogance that I thought she would never leave. Now all this time later, nearly EVERYTHING continues to remind me of a moment with her, I spend my weekends when the kids are with their mom lying in bed crying, I feel pathetic, embarressed, and often like I am going to have a nervous breakdown. I have not missed a single day of work over this, but I know it is affecting it, and I'm letting my kids down as well. I have tried counselors and even hypnotist's, where can I go for help. Can I be helped?

[mconroy1399]

First of all.. yes there is help. You aren't going to get over her right away because you keep on thinking about her and you want to be with her. The thing that I would say is you need to close this chapter in your life and start fresh. I never said that it would be easy. I would start by writing her a letter (don't send it) with everything you have wanted to say to her but couldn't. When you are done with that I would throw it away, rip it up or burn it. If anything please you need to be there for your kids because they need a dad in their life. Remember you are better than that, you need to be strong and happy. Do you think that she is moping around being depressed, no because she is living her life and that is what you need to do. When I am going through a break-up I go through it the same way when I lost someone important to me. There are stages that you need to go through... First is denial, then anger, then bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. You may not go through all of them but I think that this is a great place to start. I think that you should Google "stages of death" and read about it.