[my_love]

I have a confession that I must let out, because I have been holding it in for the longest. This may anger some people but others may agree. Before you judge me, remember that you don't know me and you don't know what I've been through. Ok I have always believed in true love and one shouldn't be with someone because they have to or because they don't want to hurt the person by leaving them. For some reason, I have found myself in that very situation.

I believe my situation is very complicated, and I also believe that I am a coward for not speaking up when I should have. After my high school sweetheart and I had broken up after 4 years, for stupid reasons, I found myself lost and in need of being wanted. The reason him and I broke it off was because he was across country in school and he wanted to take time off so he could focus on school. We still talked on the phone and texed. We were and still are good friends, I would do anything for him and he would do the same. He promised that we would be together again one day, but not then because we were too young, ( we were only 18-19). So what do I do, I get angry and go and get with someone to make him jealous, which completely backfired on me. I got with one of my good friends, and that only lasted 2 months and I had to break his heart because he was really falling for me. My actions only made my ex more angry at me and we didn't talk for a while. I once again try to get his attention by getting with someone else. This time things didn't work out well, I ended up getting pregnant and after that I just stayed with the guy. I lost my baby, but I didn't know how to end it with the guy because he was really upset that we had lost the baby(believe me so was I, I'm still not over it) so I didn't want to hurt him anymore by just up and leaving him. Even though I look back now, and that's what I should've done.

At this time, my ex was really frustrated with me and jealous. He kept telling me that I was stupid for allowing myself to get pregnant and that he still wanted to be with me. Now remember my ex is still across country, and I was still upset with him. I told him that my new guy was the best thing that ever happened to me and we were engaged, (even though none of that was true) I could tell my ex was hurt and he stopped calling. I was stuck in this relationship with this new guy who thought that I wanted to be with him, and I was too much of a coward to tell him I was using him. Now I have to be honest with myself, he is a good guy and feelings did begin to develop once my ex had stopped calling. But I always had my ex in the back of my mind. It was like OK this is fine for now until my ex calls me and tells me he is ready. And then I ended up pregnant again, and I got proposed to. At this time, I began to have loving feelings for this guy, and since my ex had a new girlfriend, I decided to just settle.

When I was around 7 months pregnant, my ex came to town and asked if we could go to lunch together. We talked about what had happened and why it happened and how everything had turned out so wrong. It was like my heart had been ripped out. I just wanted him to go and leave town because it was so hard to see him or to know that he was in the same town as I was and that I couldn't be with him. I had committed myself to this other guy, we were engaged and about to have a baby. After a few more visits from him, I finally told him that I needed to do the right thing. I couldn't be selfish I had to be with this guy because I thought it would be the right thing. He was crushed. In march of this year I married this guy. On my wedding day, I was thinking of my ex... Of how much I loved him and missed him, but I had to do what I had to do to make things right. It wasn't about me anymore. I do love my husband, but I never stopped being IN LOvE with my ex. And because of that, I can't be In Love with my husband. I feel empty, I feel out of place, like I don't belong in my husbands arms, it still feels temporary to me. My husband is a good guy, I don't want to hurt him. I never wanted to hurt him, that's why I didn't leave him because I thought it would tear him apart. But is it right to long for and to be in Love with someone else. To be honest, I feel like I'm cheating on my ex, by being with my husband.
My ex and I are still good friends, and every now and then he confess's his undying love for me. His mother is my baby's Godmother. His family was basically my family for 4 years and they still love me and visit me. My husband didn't like that at first but, he thinks they are good people and I told him I wouldn't stop seeing them because I thought of them as my family.

I just feel that I belong with my ex, and he still wants to be with me. I'm only 22 and it's only be 2 1/2 years since we last were together. My husband and I have been together 2 years and we only been married 6 months. I just don't want to spend the rest of my life In Love with someone else. And knowing that he is in Love and wants to be with me too. Like I said, I love my husband and there is nothing wrong with him. I just feel I made a few bad decisions and now I have to pay the consequence. My ex is my best friend and I couldn't imagine him not being in my life, even if he is just a friend. It's better that nothing. Does anyone have any advice?

[statictable]

Maybe you should try to get a better grip on reality. Your experiences are shared by millions and there comes a time when YOU will realize that your value as a human being is working through each day as if it were your last and don't take yourself so seriously. The weight you carry is all yours and if you want you can just set it down and let it rest. Life goes on, we all survive and if we have a life we'll not have the time or desire to contemplate all of the complexities of social-moral obligation, the sounds of injustice created by one's actions and so on. Time to move on, get a life and let go of all this drama. PLEASE, in the name of life.

[Zell]

Wow... ummm
You proberbly already know this, but you should have stopped your relationship with you husband a LONG time ago.
Trying to have your EX (the man you actually in love with) as your friend won't work. You have to make a choice now. To tell you husband its over, and try remain civilised for you kid. Cus to be hounest, you was thinking of your ex ON your wedding day! That alone should have reason enough to stop it. Your husband is going to get hurt either way now, either you break it with him soon and or your string it out, making yourself even more unhappy, and making it even harder to end.

Im 20, and I'm still learning life lessons myself, one thing I have learned about relationships, whatever kind they are, is not to play jelousy games, because they ALWAYS backfire or go wrong.

Personally it would be really selfish of you to keep your marrige going if you don't love your husband as much as you love your ex.
Good luck.

[talaniman]

Be honest with your husband, and finally tell him the truth.