[Saby1103]

Hi I think I have Problem cause I am never in the mood to have sex with my husband. He wants to most of the time , I never ever want to have sex . I started to feel like this after I had my baby. And its been almost 3 years I've been feeling this way. Its like I hate sex and Feel very dirty or something. I need help. What is wrong with me and why and what can I do to help me feel better about sex? I really want this marriage to last. HELP! :(

[Thomas1970]

Hi Sabrina. How are you? It sounds to me very much like you are suffering from postpartum depression. It is a very common condition women sometimes suffer after giving birth. Run a search on Google and you will find an abundance of information. The most important thing is to not blame yourself. It is a condition caused by a biochemical imbalance, something you really have little control over. It is also important for your husband to understand that you in no way find him sexually unattractive or love him any less. Your lack of libido and body image are being completely controlled by your body's chemistry. It is natural for you to feel the way you do right now, if this is in fact what you are going through. Your doctor would be able to refer you to someone who could help. And I am sure support groups abound in most areas. A place where you could go where you wouldn't have to feel so alone, as you take your first steps on the road to becoming more yourself again. Good luck. Please take good care of yourself as well as your family. :)

[hanabelle]

Hi, I don't really agree with Thomas1970, I don't believe what your expirencing is postpadem depression. Post pardem depression is an extreme depression and anxiety that centers around more of your child and issues of being a mother than anything to do with you relationship with your husband. It could have an effect on sex and relationship with your spouse, but since you didn't go into any details on how you were feeling about being a mother in general, no one should assume that its postpardem depression, it's a serious disorder that shouldn't be taken lightly. It sounds like maybe a hormonal issue or your just plain tierd. After having my two kids my libido isn't like it was before they were born especially after my secondchild and most of the time I also have a hard time getting into the mood because Im exhausted. But the one thing that you mention that is some cause for some concern is the fact that you feel that its "dirty or that its wrong" why do you feel this way? Its one thing to not really be in the mood its another to feel wrong or dirty to be having sex with your spouse. Is he making you do something that your not comfortable with? I know that's a very personal question and you don't have to answer it but if its true you really should address it. If not and you just feel this way with sex in general, I would talk to your doctor and see if there is a Psychological or hormonal explanation. Hormones are a weird thing, and I think that they explain a lot on what goes on with woman, especially after having kids, I know. It maybe that your hormones haven't really gone back to normal in the three years since you had your child. In any instanc I would go to your doctor and really try to find out what could be going on, it will be worth it. If it is postpardem depression it is crucial for you to see a doctor so you can rule it out as a source right away. Good luck to you.

[clukkes]

Hi, I fell the same way about my husband. I only have 1 child who just turned 2 in August. The thought of having sex with him is disgusting. I feel as my husband makes me feel like I have to have to have sex with him or I don't love him. I think this made us feel apart as now we are seeking marriage counseling. I suggest maybe talking to him. I didn't so that is why we are in counseling.

[Chery]

Did you girls who don't like sex anymore and think it's dirty feel the same way before you got married?
Did you have sex with each other before you got married and did not like it then, but thought you could 'learn' to love him and that a baby will change everything?
Were you pressured into getting married because it was a thing to do?
Is it the husband's routine every night at the same time, even after hardly talking to you all day and no loving words, compliments, or foreplay?
Do they not accept a no from you and force you to have sex anyway?
Does the hubby just come home, expect dinner, then the TV, and no other closeness together before 'getting down to it'?
Is there no fun or humor in your marriage?
You can't wait till he leaves the house?

If the answers to the above are yes, then you need therapy. Either together or by yourselves. One - because you were not brought up to have a healthy attitude about sex as it was a taboo, or could have been abused or raped and have not talked about it, instead suppressed it and it is now coming to the surface. Two - because your husbands did not learn to respect the women in their lives and just live with the belief that the little woman should be available no matter how much work she had all day, or how bad it was and how the kids were acting. As long as he gets what he wants and not have to work at it.
Do you even remember what attracted you to each other in the first place?
At any rate, THERE IS A LACK OF COMUNICATION HERE and needs to be solved or it will all fall apart. You need to get to know each other all over again, without holding back anything to make the relationship survive. Either that or call it quits and go on to another life. But get this straightened out first, because you don't want to carry the burden along with you to the next relationship, it will only make things worse, and certainly will not teach the kids true value of 'family'. I'm not saying this road will be easy, nobody is 100 perent happy, but with a little work together you could get close.
Good Luck to all of You. P.S. A true Postpartum depression lasts less than a year and is noticed within the first 6 weeks after giving birth. It could also be that he's not making the money you expected him to make, or he did not keep promises he made. All of these things are possible, but need to be brought out no matter what, don't just keep it in.

[grinder89]

Nothing's wrong with you
I'm with my girlfriend for 10 months now and having the same problem. It feels disgusting having sex. It feels like I'm making my sister to have sex with me. It just feels wrong. I can even be horny and feel that way. Its because of my depression I'm in right now. You might also be. And you may think you feel that way because of sex, no it is not, it is the depression.
Get help some help and explain things to your husband if he's a good one he'll be ready to help. Good luck!