[GlindaofOz]

It sounds to me as if this man has beaten you down mentally and verbally to the point where you fear to leave and feel it is impossible.

Why don't you call the National Domestic Violence hotline and get help in planning your escape

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) - Break the silence, make the call.

[star3114]

You can get a protection order with the threat he gave you about "f" you up... the wife thing might be a good option. However, don't let him know that you are going to do it... don't use it as a threat. Also, have you considered relocating... it may give you an additional element of safety. Also, if you are telling the wife... be prepared that she may not believe you. You might want some additional proof. Also, I would probably be in a different city, calling from a blocked number before I called the wife... especially with the threat he made.

[kaharie96]

Star... he lied about his age... he told he was 38when we met... then I found out he was really 49... he doesn't look his age... matter of fact he's really sexy to be 52... great body... tall dark and really handsome

[GlindaofOz]

star...he lied about his age...he told he was 38when we met...then i found out he was really 49...he doesn't look his age...matter of fact he's really sexy to be 52...great body...tall dark and really handsome

And he is also a cheater, a liar, a manipulator, an abuser. Wow what a great catch. Sounds really sexy to me.

So what are you going to do here kaharie? Keep thinking about a dreamy user this guy is or recognize that is a filthy, disgusting human being and get rid of him?

[Homegirl 50]

I wouldn't talk to his wife, that might really set him off. And if you have been with hin that long, I'll bet she knows. At any rate, go to the police. Get an order of protection against him and just leave. Has he been physically abusive to you before?
Call that hot line Glenda gave you.

[GlindaofOz]

Do you have any family or friends you can get support from in this situation or has this guy alienated you from everyone in your life?

[kaharie96]

Confused... thank you so much... your words are so incouranging... I am glad you guys aren't beating me down over this, because I really need the help and advice

[Homegirl 50]

Well I hope you seek and find the help you need. It's time you took your life back.
I wish you the best

[GlindaofOz]

Please call the hotline. They will provide so much help. They will help you plan an escape route and help you get out of this. I believe the helpline is open all day every day. Please don't delay calling.

[star3114]

Do you have any friends or family that can help you through this... or are you afraid to talk to them about it? We are here to support you... but with this type of situation, having some non-virtual friends could be good too.

[kaharie96]

No he hasn't been abursive except in the bed... he's into that whole submission thing... Glenda I am going to find the strength to leave him soon... it's an addiction on my behalf and now that I can say it I can begin to move on

[ConfusedandLost]

Your so very welcome... we are all here to help...

Do you have family or friends that you could stay with for a while? Far away?

You need to break free from him, your relationship started under false pretenses and lies. It may have been fun at first with no obligation from either side, but in the end someone gets hurt... it was you. I'm sure you are a good person, everyone is. Wake up and experience life the way you were meant to... under your own terms. Believe me you will be asking yourself "why didn't I do this sooner". You only get one chance... don't waste anymore time on this guy...

[kaharie96]

My friends and family never approved of our relationship and I don't really want to hear the "toldyou so's"

[GlindaofOz]

no he hasn't been abursive except in the bed.... he's into that whole submission thing.....Glenda i am going to find the strenght to leave him soon.....it's an addiction on my behalf and now that i can say it i can begin to move on

But he has been abusive. Verbally and emotionally and mentally. Tell you if you leave he will f yo up is verbal abuse. Manipulating you is emotional abuse. This is how this starts. It will snowball. I fear that as he feels you starting to slip from his grasp he may escalate. Please start to figure out what to do.

Do you have family or friends who live in another town? Any way you could get away for a few days and plan your escape from him?

I'm glad you can admit that this guy is an addiction. So you need to detox and get this guy out of your system. You will be surprised how much strength you will be able to pull from inside of you when the moment calls for it. As you plan out what to do and initiate each step your strength will grow and you will just keep going. You can do this. You need to do this. This guy is terrible. I can only imagine what he puts his poor wife and child through.

[GlindaofOz]

my friends and family never approved of our relationship and i dont really want to hear the "toldyou so's"

Would you rather hear I told you so now or when you're in the hospital from him beating the heck out of you.

Pride is not needed in this situation. You need help and support from those closest to you. Tell them you know they were right but gloating will not help you and that's what you need - help.

[ConfusedandLost]

Your going to have to hear the whole "I told you so's" sooner or later. It's time now to swallow your pride, admit to your mistake and start with a new beginning. No matter what happens or how you are judged... you family will ALWAYS be there for you. That will never change... who knows they may have been preparing themselves for this exact circumstance already. You can do it, you know you can...

[star3114]

Okay the whole submission in bed thing means that that is what he is not getting at home. It usually means that he feels inferior to his wife... she may be a high professional, etc. I know it is tough to face the possible I told you so... but your safety is in danger here. I know you don't think so, but with what he has said it is. I can bet that if your family knew what he said, they would rather you come to them then end up in a body bag. Please sweetie call that number of the hotline. You are in a very dangerous situation.

[star3114]

Oh and the whole wanting you to be submissive means that he desparately wants to gain power of something... you. He will do and say anything to get what he wants. You MUST get out NOW!

[kaharie96]

Thanks so much guys... on my way to a better me! Taking the trash out... and not looking back

[GlindaofOz]

I'm sending you a million streams of positive energy. I know you can get through this!

Again I want to tell you I'm proud of you for making your first steps. I know its hard and I hope you feel really good about yourself right now.